Through a glass darkly
by olivegbg
Summary: After crushing the throat of a still twitching darkspawn with his heel, the target of her anger turned towards her and spoke, deliberately slowly, as if to an extremely troublesome child. "Yes, Elissa, What is wrong this time?"
1. Chapter 1

"Curse you to the deepest reaches of the Black City!" I will stand no more of your disdain! No more, I say!" Elissa spat the words at the back of the tall fighting man she had been cursed to accompany, by blood and oath.

After crushing the throat of a darkspawn with his heel, the target of her anger turned to her and spoke, deliberately slowly as if to an extremely troublesome child. "Yes, Elissa, What's wrong this time!"

If she could have watched the scene from the eyes of her other companions she would have realized the absurdity of her trying to face down the man in front of her. More than a head taller, half again her weight and in in pure muscle to booth, standing amidst a litter of fresh darkspawn corpses he had just laid low with almost mechanical efficiency. More than once her father had told her, exasperation in his voice. _'Spending more time considering the effect of your actions would save you a lifetime of apologies.' _He would however muss her hair in affection afterwards. She had always been indulged in her previous life. The one that had come to brutal end with her family's murder by a man ruthlessly climbing for power.

Elissa took a deep breath, too late to back down now. Part of her anger had been directed inwards, which only made it worse. She was painfully aware that she was the least competent member of their versatile group. Sten the Qunari was a match even to Alistair when it came to the delivery of death. Leliana was deadly with a bow, brought home most of game they shared and was cheerful to booth, and Morrigan, who knew the limits of the Witch Morrigans capabilities. As for herself. She had been raised to hold power together with her eventual spouse, run a large household, dealing with sensitive political situations. Well she probably would have done better leaving the delicate situations to the man she would have married as her brother Fergus had always suggested with a laugh.

She was not without training in the art of war. Her mother had been quite famed as an archer in her days and had insisted her daughter continue the tradition. But faced with the reality of monsters hot for her blood and death, instead of fiends trying to score points, Elissa's blood had simply frozen. The best she could hope for in the first skirmishes was drawing some of the attention off the others. But she had tried so hard, and in this last one had actually managed to dispatch a few, admittedly they had been mostly dead to begin with, but what the Maker, you had to start somewhere. That somewhere was exactly the reason why Alistair's dismissal of her efforts had set her fury blazing, like a fresh supply of air to smoldering embers. She had seen it again, the pitying glance, the slight shake of the head before turning his back on her.

"Don't you dare to speak to me in that tone again, ever!" Closing the distance between them, deliberately ignoring the bits of corpses she stepped over or into to get close enough to punch him squarely in the chest. "Do you think I am unaware of the disdain in which you hold me?" He took a step back, not from the force of her blow to be sure, more in surprise, as if a hitherto docile animal had unexpectedly turned to bite.

"You are not yourself, calm down."

There was a warning in his tone, Elissa ignored it, punching him in the chest again as if imprinting the importance of her words. "Do you think for one moment I do not know how much you wish _any _other warden but me was here right now?" There! She could feel his own anger kindling now. Without hesitation she struck out again. "Well here's a bit of information for you, They are not! They never will be! They are dead! Your precious Duncan is dead! Duncan was a two-faced bastard who bargained with my dying father for my life and now he is dead!" She spat the last words.

His answering fury struck her like a blow. "Enough from you! Do not speak to me of Duncan -ever!" He grabbed her wrist, squeezing the bones together. His eyes were slits, black with rage now. " I swear, if you open your mouth once more..." From the corner of her eye Elissa saw Leliana and Sten exchange glances, deliberating no doubt if they should intervene.

"You'll what? Strike me down? Kill me?" She was tired suddenly, sinking to her knees. "Be at it already and get it over with. My entire family is dead. There will be no one claiming blood vengeance for me. Truly it would almost be a relief." She was surprised at the sincerity of her words. Elissa heard the man breathing hard as if after a long run. She waited in silence, her fury spent. Finally he shifted his stance.

"I am sorry!" he started, a bit stiffly at first. "I should have handled it better. You are my responsibility and I have failed to do my duty as a Grey Warden." He paused as if considering how to continue. "I have been selfishly nurturing my own grief without thought of yours. I apologize."

She sat a while in silence, surprised by the honesty in his tone. Finally she squinted up at him, not clearly seeing his face, standing as he was in the line of the pale sun just breaking through the clouds. "Perhaps we are not so unlike then? you and I." she offered.

"Perhaps not." he conceded with a nod before returning his swords to the sheat. Turning to walk away, he added, with one of those peculiar mood swings she would recognize as his own.

"But for once, I am not the one sitting up to my thighs in darkspawn guts."


	2. Chapter 2

With rising irritation Alistair felt two new rivulets of sweat finding their way down his back beneath the padding of his plate. The weather had taken a drastic turn to the better during the day and the afternoon sun was hot on their backs as the group trudged through the hilly countryside towards Redcliffe.

Alistair flexed his shoulders trying to hinder the itching wet trails, to no avail. Maybe he had been over cautious insisting they all travel in full gear, but he did not feel confident enough with enemies amassing near Lothering to forego armor, naturally he had not picked up a single trace of Darkspawn the entire day. He stopped to turn and consider his followers. Morrigan looked downright dapper. Naturally she wore nothing but her outlandish outfit of bits and pieces hardly covering her form where it aught to, Alistair thought sourly. The rest also seemed to be bearing up well except for Elissa who was slapping damp hair out of her flustered face. He felt the familiat irritation rising but managed to give her what he hoped could pass an encouraging grin instead.

To be fair, It was not Elissas fault she had survived both the joining and Ostagar. For the life of him Alistair could not understand why Duncan had selected her for the wardens, but it served naught to dwell upon it. It was not as if he would ever recieve an answer now anyway. He had also come to realize that Elissa was annoyingly sharp. The woman had sought him out yesterday in the evening and had cut directly to the bone with all her questions regarding the blight and the Grey wardens. She had been astounded at his ignorance which had made him feel like a fool. Makers breath, if he had known how to make new Wardens he would have made Sten one this instant, now wouldn't he? He turned forward once more and continued the ascent.

He still had serious doubts about Elissa. During the preparation for the joining it had taken three days, _three Bloody days_, in the Wilds to finally get her vial of darkspawn blood, even when he practically laid them at her feet for the better part of the last two. And when she finally succeeded to cut the throat of a hurlock it had been so inept he had almost found himself pitying the creature. Well, there were other offices within the Grey Wardens, he had thought at the time, maybe she would be transferred to Weisshaupt eventually to serve in a diplomatic or administrative function. He had made mental notes however to stay far away from her in any battle in case she survive the joining, and if wishes were horses beggars would ride.

Alistair could hardly fathom how she had survived so far, any other member of the group had better chances than her. True, she had gained strength and stamina from the taint, and would continue doing so for the following months. Small virtue in exchange for the too numerous downsides of being a Warden, but even so she was a liability. They had all taken blows for her due to her inexperience, sooner or later one would be fatal. He would seek a camping spot earlier this evening. He wanted to have some hours of good daylight if he was to spar with Elissa without risking to accidentaly chop something off. If he did, Morrigan would certainly turn him into something nasty with scales or flippers, probably both.

Despite or because of his years spent at the chantry Alistair was not a religious man, but he sincerely hoped there was a greater pattern here than he was able to decipher. He shook his head, at least he would fulfill his duty to the Grey wardens and try to guide the most junior member. Too bad he did not have much faith in either.


	3. Chapter 3

Three evenings later found Elissa sitting next to Leliana who was gingerly easing her out of her pauldron. Her entire body felt as if she had passed the wheels of a grinding stone and been spat out. "I'm not getting any better am I?" she complained slapping the treacherous tears from her eyes.

"Now, I wouldn't say that!" Leliana protested, gently easing off Elissa's braces. "There were a few times this evening when you almost, eh, un-fell. She is getting better, don't you think so too Sten?" Leliana was casting across at the other companions seeking aid. The Qunari just stared at the pair, not deigning to answer.

"The other night, when you got the shield in your midriff and threw up on his feet was most amusing to be sure." Morrigan offered. "One of your best efforts truly, almost had him then! How clever of you to provide such a slippery footing" Elissa could see Morrigan smiling to herself as if reliving a pleasant memory.

"There you are!" Leliana said brightly. "We all agree that your efforts are not in vain!"

Elissa sank her head to her knees. "I know that I got what I asked for, but does he really have to hit me that hard every bleeding time?" Sten huffed.

"The enemy will hit you harder still, and not with the flat of the blade. Would you rather be spared now, only to make easier pray later? I've watched you, the wardens strategy is sound. It's you are a slow learner."

Depressed Elissa clapped her palms to her ears. Knowing Sten was right did not make her feel better, if anything it made her feel worse. The Qunari really got on her nerves sometimes, always calling Alistair _'the Warden'_ and her _'the other one'._

"But also, to do Alistair some credit." Leliana blithly continued. "Several times I do not think he meant to hit you at all. You just keep popping up in unexpected places, like a mushroom!" Despite herself Elissa could not help giggling between her tears at the image.

"Thank you for healing that ear by the way, Morrigan" she said. Morrigan scoffed

"You're quite welcome! T'would look silly with a one-eared Warden. Though I must repeat, I'm no Healer, there's only so much I can do."

Elissa fingered the back of her ear, that was true enough. Morrigans healing was always a bit painful and almost certain to leave scars, Is if on purpose, imprinting the lesson not to bother her with getting hurt.

"You might want to compose yourself." Morrigans voice interrupted her thoughts. "Your harvester is coming our way, you would not like to show weakness." Even though the concern spoke more of Morrigan than herself, Elissa was nevertheless grateful. By the time Alistair reached the campfire she had removed all traces of tears busying herself with cleaning her armor. He had obviously washed in the nearby brook, his hair was still wet and he was uncovered from the waist up. No bruises on that skin, she thought sourly, after hanging his tunic to dry by the fire Alistair seated himself next to Leliana.

"By mid morning tomorrow we should reach Redcliffe" he said, grabbing a piece of bread. "I know the Arl and a few other people there enough not to expect any trouble from Loghain's men as in Lothering. We will request an audience with Arl Eamon and hopefully he will agree to help us." he took a large mouthful of bread, chewing it with a thoughtful expression, having washed it down with water from his canteen, he added. "Nevertheless, should I be wrong in my assumption you know what to do, and Elissa, you take my cue, and remember to keep your head down."

Elissa angrily bundled her armor together. "Yes noble Master. I'll keep my little white head down, don't you worry! And if that won't work I still have my slippery trick" she stalked off towards her tent.

From behind she could hear Leliana, and Morrigans laughter mixed with Alistair's voice. "What in Andraste's name is so bleeding funny?"


	4. Chapter 4

Alistairs prediction that there would be no trouble with men of Loghain at Redcliffe turned out to be true. His hopes for an easy success however proved to be utterly off the mark.

Redcliff village was nearly wiped out by undead emerging from the castle at nightfall. What was left was defended by the Arls brother Teagan, together with a local militia and a few knights. Elissa remembered him as a good man she had met on several occasions before with her father.

Despite Teagans obvious distress at the situation he had treated her most graciously, unlike some others she could mention. Elissa found it so delightful talking in familiar ways with one of her own station she even flirted a bit with the Bann before being interrupted by Alistair who in a most rude manner demanded to know if anyone was alive inside the castle.

At Teagans admission they did not, Alistair spent some time cursing down a well before deciding they would stay and assist in the defense of the the village. Morrigan and Sten objected, which naturally only cemented Alistairs view.

Elissa shook her head. She was not eager to fight some undead horror at night either. Why couldn't Morrigan play smart for once. If she had applauded Alistairs decision instead, now that would have shaken him. Maybe Morrigan wasn't as clever as she set out to be. She had no hope at all getting Sten to participate in any such deception.

As they were preparing for the coming battle Alistair unfortunately decided this was a good time to give Elissa some last minute advice.

"So here are the weak points in almost any armor." He pointed to himself while explaining. "Neck, armpit, groin."

"Groin? Do you truly expect me to stab monsters in the groin?" Alistair did not catch the danger in her tone.

"Not if they were wearing plate, no. Unless you stab directly from the ground." He warmed to the thought. "Hey, that is actually a good idea. You seem to be spending the major part of your your fighting on all four anyway."

Taking a few deep breaths, Elissa managed to address Alistair in an almost normal voice. "Is this what I get for all my efforts? Barely competent to stab in the groin? Why would I ever want to do that?"

"Major blood wessels of course." Alistair said absently, looking down the edge of his sword to determine if it needed more time on the whetstone. "You could go for the back of the knee, but that would not make a killing, just a lot of screaming. Hurts like hell that does"

Elissa stared at him with outrage. "Are you making fun of me? Are you?" Suddenly realizing that he had made a mistake somewhere along the line, but not understanding what, Alistair bristled.

"Hey, I'm doing my best here. I actually spent half of the night trying to figure out how best to teach you. You are next to useless with a bow! With twin blades you would hurt yourself worse than the enemy at this point. Given time you would have been better of fighting as a rouge, but we do not have that time."

Elissa spluttered. Amazed at his ignorance. "I am a Cousland! Do you think I would have been allowed to train as a rouge? Couslands fight honorably or not at all!"

"Heey." Leliana said.

Ignoring Leliana, Alistair continued. "Your basics are good, I will not deny you that, but only for show. In a real fight you cannot stab someone in the middle of the chest."

"And why not! I've seen you doing it all along!"

Exasperation in his eyes, Alistair blurted. "That's me! You lack the weight and strength to make such a blow. You're way to gangly to fight like that." He tried to reason with her. "You don't see me trying to imitate Sten's way of fighting do you?. That would be just as bad. Each of us have our own style, is all" he finished, pretty confident that he had made a few good points there. Meeting her eyes he realized his mistake.

"So I am a gangly girl who have to stab my enemies in the sodding groin! Is that what you are telling me?" Her eyes only tiny slits now.

Alistair almost took an involuntary step back. "No, - Yes. But you are taking it all the wrong way!" he threw out his hands in exasparation.

"If i will ever stab anyone in the groin, be assured, it would be you!" Elissa spat. "Sheep fucking chantry oaf!" Throwing her shield to the ground she stalked off.

"You'd miss! Spoiled noble brat", Alistair retorted.

Pivoting on her heel Elissa screamed back. "That would be only because you lack the proper parts!"

"Her's was much better I think." Leliana remarked.

"Without doubt!" Sten agreed.


	5. Chapter 5

As the defenders of Redcliffe assembled in front of the mill at dusk, Alistair greeted Elissa with a stiff nod, which she returned with equal warmth.

He did not offer any apology, and for that matter, neither did she. Obviously they had come to the same conclusion, turning themselves into a Circus did give them much credit.

In all haste, a barricade had been thrown up at the end of the footpath leading up to the castle. According to the Redcliffe knights this was where the enemy usually struck first.

Keeping up the act of camaraderie. Alistair helped Elissa to tighten the straps of her chain mail. So what if he made it a bit too tight. It was only a notch or two. He was a professional after all. And it had been quite pleasant to watch her clamp down on her complaints in order to seem like veteran herself.

Afterwards he spent some time discussing tactics with the knights and the other companions before taking up position in front of Elissa. Seeing her pale face almost made him feel sorry for her, almost.

"All set?" he asked her, tightening the straps of his own armor.

She jumped, startled. "Why? Yes certainly! Just trying to come up with a half decent prayer, but" She shook her read ruefully. "Trying to suck up to the Maker just before a certain death makes me feel like a terrible hypocrite. And probably does not make up for a lifetime of neglect anyway."

"Who knows? With luck, the Maker is thick as a brick."

He could hear her fidgeting behind him and felt a stab of sympathy. He hated the awful lull before battle as well. Always made him want to scream.

"Waiting like this, is it always this awful?"

"More or less. Myself I much prefer being jumped at out of the blue. Less tension. But has the advantage that you have time to hit the bushes if you have the need."

Turning to face Elissa he saw that his attempt at levity had fallen flat. She seemed near to tears.

Alistair racked his brain for something worthwhile to say, finding absolutely nothing. He resorted to the usual platitudes any commander told their troops before sending them into mindless slaughter.

"You'll be fine, Elissa." He gave her shoulder a final squeeze. "Believe me. You'll be fine."

He turned to face the barricade. Wishing he had not seen the look on her face. She had actually believed him. No pressure.

Finally, a tremor went through the defenders as the grey fog heralding the enemy emerged from the castle.

Squinting to the distance Alistair adjusted his shield a final time and drew his sword. Whacking the blade a few times against the back of his calf in a ritual way he was only half aware of. Finally, the dreaded wait was over. He flexed his shoulders, letting the calm he always felt just before battle settle over him like a cloak before advancing towards the barricade.

As the first signs of dawn grew on the horizon the battle of Redcliffe was over.

Elissa sank down on her heels. She was bone tired, covered with filth she did not even want to contemplate, but, she was undeniably alive! Even relatively unscratched. In fact, better off than many of the evenings she had spent sparing.

She had taken position at Alistairs back, as ordered. Focusing on his movements the way they had trained. Shield up, sword straight, go left, stab. Shield up elbow down, go low, stab. Shield down, elbow in, crouch behind, wait for Morrigan to do her worst. Shield up front, sword up, get the hell out of the way.

Somewhere along the line she had reconized that there had actually been a point to all the seemingly meaningless, painful exercises Alistair had put her through the passed week. The fuel of fear had done the rest.

A time or two she had even felt as if she was moving faster, or was it the enemies slower. She could not recall now, but it had been the most thrilling experience. At least before Alistair had called her back to reality by clipping the back of her head with his elbow. Nevertheless, all in all, she was content.

Getting to her feet she spotted Leliana and Sten. Leliana was apperently trying to get a scoffing Sten to remove his vambrace to tend to an unseen wound sending rivulets of blood off his huge hand . Well good luck with that, Elissa shook her head smiling.

Gingerly watching where she put her feet Elissa padded over to Alistair who was standing, head sunk deep, back heaving as if each breath was painful. Elissa had come to realize that each prolonged battle took a heavy toll out of his physique.

Whereas Sten's way of positioning himself, sword raised in challenge, seemed to draw enemies in waves. Only to be mowed down like so much barley. Alistair used speed to launch himself at the enemies, shield first. With the power of his body behind. It must feel like having a heavy metal door slammed right in the face. And if not killed outright, only a heartbeat later, as the lethal sword snaked out. Never from the same position twice.

His estimation of her capabilities being more in the area of using her shield to deflect blows, had been irritatingly correct. And, when fighting for her life, she had not found it beneath her to strike a dazed enemy in the, eh, general, vulnerable areas. She would rather have all teeth pulled before she would acknowledge such a thing though.

She did not like the way something about Alistair made her feelings career between resentment and hatred one moment to gratitude and admiration the next. No, she did not like it one bit. She liked when she could peg clear labels on persons. She would nail him down eventually.

At the moment she was in a generous mood, however. And she set out to offer Alistair a heartfelt apology. he had, after all, kept her alive.

Seeing Alistair sink down to settle on the ground she deemed the moment appropriate. Coming forward she offered him her water flask. "Bad day, eh?"

He took a few deep swallows before "One of my better actually. On bad days I black out". He grinned at her through the sweat running down his face. "You did quite well there yourself, for a while."

She bit back the angry retort rising at the back of her tongue. The man was actually trying to compliment her. Anyway, honor demanded that she said her apologies. Best do it quickly before he uttered something stupid enough to make it impossible.

She folded her legs at Alistairs side without looking at him. He handed back the water and she took a long pull to steady herself, before speaking.

"I may have behaved in a somewhat ungracious manner towards you, from time to time."

From the corner of her eye she could see that she had his attention now. She continued.

"I may also have called you names behind your back that could be considered insulting to your character or person, or possibly both." she added as a afterthought. "For all these things. Please accept my apologies. Thank you also,for saving my life on numerous occasions." There, done! Elissa felt much better now that uncomfortable pass was over.

Alistair inclined his head."And how could I not accept such a gracious apology? Coming as it felt from the very depths of your heart."

Elissa did not miss the irony in his tone. Had there been a hint of a smirk on his face as well? No matter. She would ignore it, once! She had done what was proper and she felt better for it. If he wanted to take it the wrong way, that was his problem. She was still determined to be generous. He had saved her life after all, and she had found she very much valued it. She was determined to make a real effort of cultivating Alistairs friendship in the future.

Closing her eyes, letting the rays of the new sun strike her face, Elissa realized this was the first time since she had fled her home she was filled with a sense of true accomplishment.

Had Elissa known how fleeting the feeling would be. She would have held on to it much longer.


	6. Chapter 6

_**Author's note: **__I once had a master plan for this story. It's all gone now. I construct the chapters in my head as I commute to work. The bits tend to be dissimilar in style and the characters seem to career of in unintended directions with a will of their own. I haven't written any fiction before and English is not my first language. I'm painfully aware that I'm struggling to find my style. Thank you for following the story despite it's flaws, and hugs to my reviewers. Please don't hesitate to. Unlike my Elissa, I'm not touchy and prone to emotional outbursts. _

_**Disclaimer: **__If I owned Bioware or any of the characters I would be sipping drinks in Thailand or a similar place this moment. Unfortunately for me, I'm not._

"You're not going into the castle Elissa. Surely even you can realize how stupid that would be."

Alistair was angrily shifting through the few longswords laying on the smithy desk, trying to find a replacement for his own which had proved beyond repair after last nights battle.

Elissa could not credit her ears. She did not dispute the fact that he had every right to be upset by the way events had played out during the day. She was sorely disappointed herself. But why take it out on her?

The ceremony in remembrance of those fallen during the night had been drawing to a close , the Bann having the good sense to keep the Chantry Mistress droning to a minimum. All of a sudden a noblewoman, who turned out to be the Arls wife, came running up to Teagan chattering in her heavy Orlesian accent about all her problems. She had passed the bodies lined up for burial in the town center without so much as a batter of the eye.

Elissa was too tired to bother to follow the discussion more than superficially. But she did not miss the glance of pure venom the Arlessa shot Alistair. Elissa immediately warmed a little towards the lady, before mentally slapping herself. She had promised herself to try to befriend Alistair just the same morning and here she was already, secretly enjoying his unpopularity. She could surely not be expected to defend him though. He had grown up here, could even be an old lovers quarrel as far as she knew. She gave the Arlessa a speculative glance.

Her musings came to an abrupt halt as the Bann left with his hysterical sister in-law to try to put a stop to his abomination nephew single handed, leaving their group to enter the castle by a hidden tunnel. Really, she was in total agreement with Sten. What kind of a fool plan was that?

She had snatched an hour or so of sleep on the chantry floor before Morrigan came poking her with her staff. Ordering more than asking her to join the others at the smithy where the alcohol prone smith Owen was making some last minute repairs on their equipment.

Slapping sleep from her eyes Elissa set after Morrigans back. She felt a bit stiff, but otherwise fine. She was beginning to be quite the seasoned warrior she thought, pleased with herself.

And that was the moment Alistair had seen fit to deliver this little piece of information. Just when she thought she was on a rise. Why didn't he just stab her in the face instead?

"I..., but, what do you mean? Why?", Elissa could not believe her ears.

Leliana shot her a pitying glance before pretending to admire a knife laid out on a work bench.

"T'would do better to stay here" the drunken smith said in a drunken slur. "You'll only get lost up in that 'ere castle. Just like Valena. My poor Valena."

The drawn look on his face betrayed Alistair's lack of sleep. "This will not be like anything you have faced before. I know the castle, there will be heavy fighting in confined spaces. On top of that we are all flagged out. We'll be hard pressed to survive ourselves without having to protect you to booth."

"I can take care of myself!" Elissa objected.

"Frankly Elissa, no, you can't! Not in this kind of fight. Not yet. I will not have your death on my head when there is an opportunity to leave you in relative safety. Can you for once stop your pointless arguing and listen to me?'

"And if you don't make it, then what? What am I supposed to do then?" Elissa was still reeling.

"If Arl Eamon has taken a turn to the better, or if Teagan is alive, any of them will give you aid. You should probably try to reach the warden compound in Orlais or failing that, Wissehaupt. Stay clear of Denerhim, there's where Loghain will be." Alistair discarded another sword with a 'thunk'. "Ferelden will probably fall to the blight then, but at least you may reach other Wardens and tell them the truth about Ostagar."

"You want me to serve as a glorified story teller?"

"I'm right here you know", Leliana said in a hurt tone.

Alistair exhaled sharply. "Look, we really don't have time for you to throw one of your tantrums.' She could feel he was holding back now. Snatching up a sword without so much a looking at it he yanked the door open. "If everyone is ready, let's get this over with."

"You even take Morrigan. You hate Morrigan!" Elissa screamed at his back.

"The feelings mutual, I assure you." Morrigan said, quite unruffled.

"Right now I don't like you much either!" he slammed the door in her face before she could come up with a retort.

Elissa spent the evening drinking with the smith. "And to think I used to live in a castle. With nice people and clean beds." she took another swig of the liquor currently at hand. "Not that your home doesn't have it's own rustic charm." she added generously. "Could use some interior decorating though, perhaps some flowers over there, or... Now, where was I? Oh yes! The castle. We had wonderful banq, banquets, and dancing. I was a celebrated beauty you know. Had all the handsome men at my feet.' She made an exaggerated sweeping gesture, taking a few empty bottles down in the process. The now cross eyed smith only blinked.

"I would have invited you of course! You're my best friend now!" Elissa beamed at the man across the table. "I will not invite my other 'soo called companions'. What are they to me? I'm better off without them." She spoke to the bottle now. "Noo, that is not fair. Leliana is actually quite nice, You'll like her. We'll not invite Alistair though, doesn't even like me, he said. I hate him!"

She threw the bottle to the floor narrowly missing Owens feet. Suddenly feeling very sorry for herself Elissa wailed. "Why did he have to say that? Everyone likes me! I'm a likable person." Reaching out for support she grabbed the now prone smiths shoulder. "You like me Owen, don't you?"

"Valena?"


	7. Chapter 7

The next morning Elissa woke up on the floor of the smithy nursing a grandmother of a hangover. Her legs were trembling and hands hands before shaking she finally managed to open the door into the bright sunshine, and immediately wished she hadn't. Spotting a full water bucket at the side of the well she submerged her head in it.

As she emerged from the water with a most unladylike exclamation she noticed a breathless man running up to her. "Thank the Maker!" he exclaimed. "I've been searching for you all over the place. Your friends have triumphed! The Bann is safe. The castle ours again. I'm to escort you there as soon as possible."

Elissa blinked "If you would be so kind as to give me a moment." She stumbled to the back of the smithy and promptly threw up.

As she reached the courtyard she realized Alistair had not been mistaken in his estimation that the battle would be fierce. Undead corpses were strewn all over the ground in various states of decomposition. At one side she glimpsed something in colorful clothing she would not dream of investigating, having seen quite enough of last night's supper already.

She felt a fleeting moment of pity for Alistair. He had probably known some of the bits and pieces lying around by name once, yet had not hesitated to cut them down. She recognized his trademark now in the staved in chests and skulls. The Split in two where clearly Sten's. The one's slain by Morrigan were either burnt to a crisp or, uh, eaten upon.

That did it! She ran off to the side offering what little was left inside her. Wiping her mouth with grass afterwards did not maker her feel much better, or cleaner.

Having been greeted by the Bann, who was miraculously alive, she was guided to her companions who except for Morrigan were sitting in the guards dining room. Alistair was lying forward against the table, a chantry healer digging at an arrow protruding from his shoulder. No lethal injury by any means, but his sharp intakes of breath indicated the procedure was painful. Good.

Sten was bandaging Lelianans head, staring off the healer nervously hovering nearby. She could not blame them really, no one could stare like Sten. She got a grudging nod however as she seated herself next to Leliana.

"Rough fight I see", she said. When Leliana turned her eyes to her she could see that they were strangely unfocused. "It was like the worst nightmare." Her eyes drifted off again.

"Where is Morrigan?" Elissa directed the question at Sten this time.

"The witch does not like to be confined within walls. The witch is cunning." Sten grunted in grudging admiration. Elissa cold not help noticing without envy that the passed night's experience had knitted the rest of her companions closer together. Making her feel even more of an outsider.

In the bleak absence of fury she was able to admit to herself that Alistair had made the right call in leaving her behind. If not, perhaps she would have caused the death or permanent maiming of one of her companions with her inexperience. Even so she could not help the feeling of exclusion welling over her as she saw Leliana smile up at Sten in gratitude, and, no, surely she must have been mistaken. But for a moment it almost seemed as if Sten had returned the smile.

"Any idea what happens now?" she queried.

Sten snorted. "For some reason of his own, the warden has decided we travel to the Circle of Magi in a futile attempt to get help to cure the abomination child. Foolishness!"

"Somehow I take it you don't agree?"

Sten gave his handiwork on Lelianas head an approving nod. "The abomination should have been put to the sword at the first opportunity"

"Phew. Remind be to stay on your good side."

Stealing a look at the far end of the other side of the table where Alistair was seated she could see the healer still worrying the arrow the arrow in his back. Of course. The skilled chantry healers would be tending to the serious injuries so maybe it should not come as a surprise. And with Morrigan gone... Maybe the witch was even more cunning than Sten realized.

Elissa winced. Andrastes tits, even she could have done better. She had been competent enough caring for injured Marbaris. The kennel master had stopped supervising her at the age of twelve. She even been good enough to lend a hand to the healers when needed. Indeed, in minor cases, many of the men at arms had preferred her to withdraw projectiles or stitch them up. Her neat hand and steady eye always kept both pain and scarring to a minimum.

She went to stand behind Alistair. "A bit painful?"

"Enough to please you, I'm sure." The beads of sweat on his neck giving truth to his words.

Elissa realized a change of topic would be to her benefit. "So we'll be heading off to the Circle next then?"

"Yes" he twitched as the healer gave another tentative tug. "Should be able to make it back within two days, maybe less. Boat from here. Shove the treaty in the their face. If the first mage is still. Irvin. We're good." He spoke in short sentences between the jerks at his back. "Makers bloody breath! What are you doing back there? Stirring a pot?"

Taking a closer look Elissa judged that the head was probably lodged between the collarbone and would have to be pushed through. Not such a big deal. She could probably pop that one in no time. She was on the verge of offering help. But Alistair had probably heard her draw breath since he raised one hand in front of her in a warding gesture.

"Elissa. whatever complaints you have now, cut it. Tomorrow. I'll listen to them tomorrow."

Elissa took a step back. The healers hands were trembling now, his face slick with sweat. Very good, very good indeed.

"Certainly." Elissa gave a mocking bow and retreated from the guard room. Let it never be said that she could not learn to take orders.


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's note:** For once, Elissa is behaving, felt almost strange writing this. But I have no immediate desire to change it. Maybe she's getting more mature. No, surely not. Must be the extra hours I had to put in at work the last week. ;-)

**Hugs:** To my readers and reviewers. You are preciousssss.

**Disclaimer:** The usual.

With the sun just climbing the horizon the company bordered the ship that wold take them across lake Calenhad directly to the Tower of Magi. The winds were good promising smooth sailing. Leliana and Alistair immediately settled down to sleep in the prow. Meaning there had not been so much for either last night. Elissa felt sorry, for Leliana.

Morrigan was unexpectedly afflicted to her stomach. If Sten was to be believed, this was a sure sign of a witch. She was huddling in the stern warning the sailors to leave her alone on pain of having the boils on their arses transferred to their faces. If the speed with which most of the crew removed themselves were to be an indication. Boils seemed to be a strangely common affliction.

Elissa spent the afternoon playing 'I spy' with Sten. She was completely and thoroughly beaten. Sten was admittedly a master. Obviously pleased with himself despite judging the competition to be poor, even for Fereldan standards. He even shared one of his recipes for pigeon-au-pot. Elissa being the second worst cook in the group, Sten said it was only prudent.

As evening began to fall a thin shoreline could be spotted on the horizon. Sten decided it was time to shake up the others.

Elissa would say that they felt pretty confident getting off the boat. Still when approaching the tower, even just when opening the doors, up to the point when they heard the cries and moans from the wounded templars laid up for healing in the entry hall.

"Figures", Alistair said under his breath.

When the Templar commander had finished his rather stiff explanation of the situation. Yes it was always someone elses fault wasn't it. Ha! According to Elissa the templars had probably been to busy looking up mages skirts to notice that some of then had grown a little extra skin, amongst other things.

At Alistairs request, he had to press the issue a bit. Morrigan did a quick-fix on Lelianas head and his own shoulder with a martyred face. Being not in the least interested in rescuing 'Chantry cattle' as she put it. Alistair then preceded to take Elissa by the arm leading her away a bit from the others. Even before he had the chance to open his mouth she raised her hand.

"Yes. I know. Elissa stays. Believe it or not I'm kind of getting the hang of it."

Elissa sat through the evening holding the hand and stroking the hair of a young Templar who was alternating between screaming that he was burning and crying for his mother. No healing magic was available with the mages all locked up inside the circle.

The young Templar died during the night. Elissa closed his eyes and gently smoothed his features into place. Laid down next to him and wept since there was no one else to do it. When the morning came the body was carried away and she knew she had seen quite enough of the Circle.

She went down to the boat, curled up, and went to sleep.

When she woke it was to the sound of her Companions returning. The boat cast of almost immediately. They were also accompanied by a number of mages including the First Enchanter. So, there would be an attempt to rescue Connor from the fade after all. Initially Elissa felt uneasy in the mages company. She watched carefully for any sign of them turning into abominations. Sten called her wise.

She spent the journey back sitting in the prow with Leliana and Sten. Hearing the story from Leliana it almost came out as a great adventure with Sten and Alistair wading through seas of monsters to finally kill the most horrendous evil mage. "I almost wish I had seen it." Elissa said wistfully.

"Had you been there, you'd be dead!" Sten stated brusquely rummaging through the basket of food they had recieved from the circle. "I admit I have been baffled by some of the wardens strategies. But learning that he had been a mage killer before becoming a grey warden has earned my respect." Sten nodded to himself, tearing of a leg of a fowl. "Mage killer and Grey Warden. Two most worthwhile occupations."

"We were helped by the most marvelous mage healer though, weren't we Sten?" Leliana objected. "A dear old lady. Look at this!" Lelians brandished her side. Elissa winced on seeing the pale curved scar stretching all the way from abdomen to rib. "Rage demon. Came right out of the ground. And see, hardly a scar even."

"Your guard is weak at close range", Sten muttered.

"She wanted to accompany us as we left too, the dear thing. I think she was quite disappointed when Alistair told her no. To much excess baggage already. Isn't that sweet? He thought of you."

"Also an excellent decision on the wardens part. Mages cannot be trusted!" Sten rose. "I'm going too get cookies, you all want some?"

"Yes please." Elissa said absently.


	9. Chapter 9

The excommunication of Connor had been a success. The ritual performed by none other than the first mage himself. Elissa had not seen it herself though. Instead she and Leliana had made much needed use of the bath house. Sten had opted to stay through the procedure. Probably hoping that something would go wrong that only a swift stroke of his greatsword could fix.

Afterwards Elissa had wolfed down her supper together with Leliana. One of the few good thing about being a Warden was the ability to stuff her face without getting fat. Too bad there usually was not so much to stuff. She went to the room allotted to her and slept. In her dreams she saw the dragon.

Next morning Elissa went down to Redcliffe village to visit her old friend the smith. Owen was ecstatic. Alistair and the others had somehow managed to find and save his daughter when slaughtering their way through the castle. Despite her protests he pressed her to accept a shield of his own make in an expression of gratitude. when Owen had finally singing Alistairs praises. He had obviously made quite an impression on Valena. Elissa was more than ready to accept two bottles of 'Owens special' before beating a hasty retreat.

She opened the first bottle even before she came in sight of the castle. Frankly. She had it up to here with all the twelve miracles of her famous Warden companion. She had even heard the Arlessa singing his praises yesterday.

Feeling to depressed for company she took off the road right before the moat. Settling herself with her back to a large pine she proceeded to down the first bottle. Absorbed as she was by her own thoughts she did not notice that after a while she was no longer alone.

"That any good?" Elissa jumped at the the sound. Of course it was Alistair. Was he stalking her or what?

"I'm not sharing if that's what you're asking, Elissa answered ungraciously without looking at him.

"I've been looking for you. Mind if I sit?"

"Yes."

Ignoring her attitude Alistair proceeded to settle himself at her side. "Elissa we need to talk."

"No we don't. I need to drink. But if you have something to say and it will make you leave me in peace the sooner. Say it, but be quick about it." Elissa took another swig from the bottle.

"Do you remember after Ostagar. At Flemet's hut. The agreement we had?" She could see from the corner of her eye he was trying to make eye contact. She didn't care. It was just his usual way of trying to make her feel a part of something he clearly judged her incapable of.

"Helloo! We were manipulated, in case you didn't notice. I did. I just didn't care.'

"Yes, well, No. Not until later. And it doesn't matter anyway. We two are still the only Grey Wardens left in the entire nation. We are obliged to fight the blight.

She almost laughed out loud. "I did not volunteer. I was conscripted you idiot."

"Duncan conscripted you?", he sounded incredulous.

"With all the great benefits of being a Grey Warden. No wonder you have to keep quiet about it and conscript people. Only complete morons would join otherwise. Daveth was conscripted as well and Ser Jory only confirms my theory."

"I was conscripted too but that was only because I was desperate to join and the Revered Mother would not let me go."

"See!" Elissa saluted him with the bottle. She was surprised at hearing him give an involuntary chuckle, shaking his head. She seemed to remember that before the disastrous events at Ostagar, he had been a much more outgoing person. There had been kindness as well, at least initially.

She took another deep drought, suddenly sad. She wished Alistair would leave her alone. No such luck. He remained seated. With annoyance she could feel him gathering himself to continue. Finally he sighed and spoke. "We cannot always be at odds like this."

"I'm perfectly comfortable with it. Believe me"

"Well, I'm not! Elissa, please! I know you don't feel kindly towards me at the moment. I know you feel I have slighted you, and perhaps I have. But this cannot continue. Will an overall grovel suffice? Or do I have to do them one by one? I'm warning you though, you'll have to remind me, or I might miss a few."

Elissa could not stop herself from laughing. "I think I'll settle for the one. Wouldn't want to spend all night outside." Her thoughts went back to the circle. She did not want to end up like the young templar either. Dying with only a total stranger at her side. Work with what you've got for pity's sake, Elissa admonished herself.

"I don't rightly know what you're after Alistair. Are you asking me to follow you without arguing, or are you asking me to trust you? Trust goes two ways you know. The way you've been treating me like a willful child, hardly capable of putting one foot in front of the other without you instructing me to." Elissa turned to look him full in the face for the first time. "At the circle. I would have stayed at my own accord, but you didn't even give me the chance. You just presumed I would make a scene." Elissa stated bitterly.

Turning away from her gaze he hung his head, running one hand through his hair. "I have done even worse than I thought then. I'm sorry."

The honesty in his tone startled Elissa to answer in coin. "No you really haven't. It has been your decisions that have saved Redcliffe, the castle and Connor. With restoring the circle and getting them to honor the treaties thrown in." Elissa winced. Why did I say that? This stuff must be strong. With an abrupt gesture she handed him the other bottle. He accepted it with a polite if surprised nod.

'Right. What now?' Elissa asked. From the corner of her eye she could see him eyeing her warily.

'I thought we should be heading to Denerhim. Follow up on that scholar, Genitivi. See if there is a way to cure the Arl', Alistair said in a hesitant voice.

Elissa snorted. "Deherhim? We'd be chasing a rumor. And since when did the Aressa strike you as a trustworthy person? Surely we have done enough already to have earned alliance from both her and the Bann, with or without the Arl.

'If we take up the lead the Arlessa has promised to recall the knights. And if it's empty. I gather Teagan will support us then, but he'll need the knights." Alistair paused to drink. "Even so. It would be best if we could find a way to cure the Arl. He carries the clout we need. Without him Loghain will have no trouble passing this off as a local uprising. Besides, I would like to check out the warden compound, if such a thing is possible, amongst other things."

"Not good enough!" Elissa immediately started to object. "You told me yourself to steer clear of Denerhim because of Loghain. What's this obsession with the Arl?"

"I owe him. He took me in and raised me after my mother died bearing me." He drank again, deeply this time.

"The Arl is your father?"

Alistair turned to face her. "No. But that does not change the fact that I owe him."

"But." Elissa objected. "I thought you said he sent you to the chantry against your will?"

"That was the Arlessas doing. She did not enjoy the rumors that I was the Arls son, and of course they existed."

Elissa mused. It made perfect sense. "Old man, young wife, better get rid of the bastard. All in all, she thought Alistair took a too charitable wiev on the Arl.

He surprised her by asking. "If up to you. What would be your suggestion for our next move."

"Orzammar of course. Unlike the Dalish we know where it is. And it's not so far from here. Reaching Denerhim would take at least a month." She answered without hesitation.

"True. But that is also one of my reasons. We'll have time to learn to work together, you and I. We'll be after an arch demon sooner or later after all. I'll like to upper our chances a bit before."

Annoying as it was, there was no denying that, was there? She nodded. What choice did she have anyway. It was not as if she could stay here and raise a litter of little Grey Wardens with the Bann. However attractive the thought may be. Maybe Sten's 'This is as likely as anything to get me killed' attitude was the only right one. Suddenly she felt very tired.

"Given the fact that we are both impulsive, headstrong persons I don't think we'll ever be easy together, but, I will do my best to keep peace between us, if you promise to do the same." Elissa offered.

"And we have a deal! Alistair stretched out his hand. As she took it, it felt warm and hard, a hand to be trusted. She knew better though. She did not hold on longer than absolutely necessary for politeness sake.

A thought struck Elissa. "I just realized that this is the longest conversation we have ever had without screaming at each other."

"Yeah" Alistair agreed. "How did that happen?"

Elissa rose. "Damned if I know, must be the booze. But I'm not going to stretch my luck. I'm leaving now." As she reached the shadows of the portcullis she turned. There was a question still gnawing at the back of her mind. "Actually I'm curious. How do you kill an arch demon?'

She could see him finishing off the bottle. "Haven't the faintest'.

She was aghast. "Really Alistair! Is there anything about your knowledge concerning the blight that haven't a hole in it the size of lake Calenhad?"

He glanced back at her wryly "And how would you expect me to know that?"


	10. Chapter 10

**Author's Note:** Argh, this is getting harder. I come up which what seems a brilliant idea. Usually I start with a punch line. I adore punch lines, If anyone has failed to notice. I do not state that they are always top-notch, I just like to start from there. And then there is suddenly nothing to flesh it out. Document, mind, both are blank. And as always thank you for reading and reviewing. Need it now more than ever before.

**Disclaimer:** Blah blah, not the owner of the characters, or Bioware, or anything, blah blah

As the group wound their way towards Denerhim their lives were settling in a routine as familiar as unnatural. Setting of at dawn, trying to cover as much ground as possible during the day, not stopping until sunset unless set upon. In which case they fought their way through. Pausing only to nurse their wounds afterwards. Each night Alistair spared with Elissa. She was still getting the worst of it, but was slowly getting better. Sten or Leliana made supper. Alistair usually did the dishes, he was an expert after all.

After the first encounters Alistair had been astonished to hear Elissa tentatively offering her help dealing with minor wounds, in preparation of Morrigans healing. Morrigan was delighted, exclaiming that she spent too much of herself anyway. Alistair did not believe that for a moment. Morrigan had her own agenda, of that he was sure. He did not miss the expertise the first time he witnessed Elissa extracting an arrow however, this time from Sten's back. Reminding himself to keep the peace he decided not to comment.

Alistair was well aware that the relationship between the only remaining Grey Wardens had started taking a drastic turn to the better. He had reluctantly let down his guard enough to share his doubts concerning how to proceed, and instead of deriding him as he had half expected, they had mulled over the options and possible outcomes together. Elissas grip of Fereldan politics clearly outclassed his own. If he had ever doubted her sanity, and, yes, he had. Those days were over. They both tactfully steered away from any subject that was clear to cause a controversy. All in all, they were doing alright.

He took no small pride in her continuing development as a fighter. Thankful that this at least was something useful he had to offer as a small exchange for the taint.

He well remembered the first time Elissa had planted a solid hit through his guard. He had had his thoughts elsewhere, but still. She had whooped with joy, beaming a smile at him that would have melted even a golem, bounding forward throwing her arms around his neck. He had unexpectedly felt himself wanting to be able to respond in kind then, truly he had, he had been startled that's all. And a bit apprehensive as of where her sword was flying. Anyway, before he had time to gather his scattered wits, Elissa had bounded off to throw herself around Sten's neck, no small feat that.

Sten had responded totally out of character, hoisting her up on one shoulder showing her off in mock praise while Leliana cheered, which he belatedly realised was what he should have done. Instead he had ended up pointing out some minor flaw in her move to cover up his confusion. Great! Sten had more knack for handling his fellow warden then himself. He felt so much better after realizing that.

And that was how he had ended up in the situation he was now. Elissa had offered to stitch up the slash from a grenlock blade he had received during their latest fight. The cut ran from somewhere down his cheek to his temple, narrowly missing the eye. And how in good grace could he refuse? Elissa would certainly take that as an insult. Truth be told, he still felt leery at the thought of having her with something sharp in her hands near any of his vital organs.

Too late now. She had fixed his head against her belly and was bending down with the needle.

"Stop your fidgeting and sit still." He could hear her sighing in annoyance "Sometimes, Alistair, you remind me of a stallion my brother once bought." Alistair decided silence was the best course, which Elissa seemed to take as a sign that he was listening.

"It was a gorgeous beast, a bay, spirited and well muscled with a gait smooth as silk." She paused, grabbing his chin even tighter. "Be still!"

"Sorry, I'm still stuck at the word gorgeous." He blurted, belatedly remembering she still had a needle near his eye.

To his immense relief she only laughed. "Never you mind. You're missing the point here." He could feel the thin steel piercing his skin. "My father counseled Fergus against buying. Something is wrong here, he said. The price is to low for such an animal, but Fergus would not be dissuaded."

She tied up the stitch. As she bent down to bite of the catgut he could feel her breath on his cheek.

"So, anyway, Fergus brought the horse home. Well pleased with himself. After a few days, however, the stable master came to him, reporting that the stallion was no good. It was bad tempered and skittish. Docile one moment, trying to take the head of the grooms the next. Even the best of them could not figure him out."

"Just what are you getting at?", he could not stop himself from asking.

She bit off another stitch. "Just you shut up and let me finish. And try to relax a bit. You've endured much worse."

That was true enough. He exhaled, trying to put the entire situation out of his mind. Didn't work very well. He was still acutely aware of both the needle and her breath. Ouch, teeth, snip snap. He shut his eyes, trying to make his mind completely blank.

"So they tried matching him up with the mares to make him more docile, to no avail." Elissa continued. "One moment he would be gentle as as a summer's breeze, only to explode the next. Without warning. Fergus was mortified. Hoping there was something that could be done to spare him from being ridiculed the rest of his life on account of that horse. There! We're done." Elissa released her grip.

Alistair gingerly opened his eyes blinking a few times to get the feel of the stitches. Carefully he turned to face Elissa. "Thank you."

"You're Welcome." she responded generously. "You'll still have to get Morrigan to heal it properly when she returns. But this way you won't have a scar after, unless you want one." She bent down to wash her hands. "The ladies may like it. Would make you look almost like a rogue."

He shook his head. "I think I'll pass. We'll be reaching Denerhim tomorrow. I'll ask Morrigan nicely, If I can manage."

"As you wish." Elissa suppressed a yawn. "I'm turning in now."

Alistair could not resist a final remark. "And the stallion ended up gelded, right?"

"Oh, no" He could see the satisfied grin on her face. "He was put down."

Alistair shook his head. he would never understand the wickedness of women, or at least some of them. "Why did I even ask?."

He could hear Elissa answering from the opening of her tent. "I was kind of wondering the same thing myself."


	11. Chapter 11

As the rickety door closed on Alistair's back. Elissa emptied her pouch on a table in front of Alistairs sister, a few coins fell to the floor, she could see Goldanna taking careful note of them."'He will try to help you more at some point, and I will not stop him. Not because you deserve it but because he does."

Goldanna retorted in anger. "What right have you to judge me? Come back when you have five mouths to feed and no coin. Then you can advise me how to run my life."

Elissa bit back the angry retort, mentally congratulating herself. There was something of her mother in her after all. "That is totally irrelevant to the issue. Even feeling the way you do, you could have let him down kindly. Your brother did not come here expecting you to welcome him with open arms." She cringed inwardly as she said this. Knowing too well that was exactly what he had secretly hoped for. She had read it from his face, how had she come to know him that well? "Anyhow, he has done nothing to deserve having the door slammed in his face like that. Will you not reconsider?"

Goldanna quickly gathered the coins, as if afraid Elissa would change her mind. "I have no sympathy for your friend who claims to be my brother. He could be an imposter for all I know. And if he is indeed my brother, that only makes me hate him more. If not for him, my mother would still be alive and I would not have been banished from Redcliffe. But for him, I could have had a good life instead of this." She indicated her home with a sweep of the hand. "Tell him there'll be no loving family here as long as there is no coin to back it up."

Elissa bristled at the way Goldanna called Alistair a liar, somehow that seemed to rub off on her as well. She took a step closer to the sister, lowering her voice in case Alistair was still nearby, she hissed. "I will do no such thing. I have not known your brother for very long but I can tell you this. He is a good man, If you let him go it is your loss, not his."

She could see Goldanna considering something. "You said you were Grey Wardens. At the moment this is not an advantage, do you think this will change? Will Alistair be able to make connections in high places in the future? She bent to gather up the last coins. "If so, I could perhaps let him visit from time to time..."

"Nay, we'll both end up piss-poor in a ditch with our heads cut off.' Elissa slammed the door on the way out.

Taking a deep breath she scanned around the market, Alistair was nowhere to be seen. Great job Elissa, she shook her head. The sister was obviously deranged, even to the point of confusing the Arl with the King, even so, sooner rather than later Goldanna would probably realise that there was a price on their heads. They would have to be gone, and quickly now. Thankfully they had been ready to leave anyway. Having already found the possible location of the elusive Brother Genitivi. It had been guarded by a cultist of some sort who had defended the secret to the death. Which certainly made it seem genuine enough.

As she wandered back to the campsite outside the gates to deliver the news, she was half hoping Alistair would not be there. If he was, he would surley be in a seriously pissy mood. But on the other hand, if he had done the sensible thing, and was drinking himself senseless in a tavern right now, they would have to search for him. That did not have much appeal either. Dusk was descending quickly now and the streets of Denerhim were certainly not safe at night. She had no idea why Alistair had asked her to accompany him as he sought out his sister, and she now regretted that she had agreed, but it had seemed a simple enough request at the time.

It was with mixed emotions Elissa returned to the camp to find Alistair coaching the flames of a meager fire. As she came closer she realized that his tunic was stuck to his body with sweat. Good! He had at least had the sense to transform some of his disappointment into action before she was available to be on the receiving end.

"Hello Elissa", he spoke without turning his head. It was unnerving. Would she ever get used to the way they he could sense her presence through the taint. She had learned by herself early on how to block him out. Alistair had actually been quite impressed when she told him. She had not deemed it necessary to add that it was because she had been fuelled by her loathing of him at the time.

The downside was that she was blocking her awareness of darkspawn as well. Alistair had started teaching her Templar techniques that would give her some control, but her mastery was still shaky at best. She still preferred to keep a heavy wall up at all times when it was not strictly needed. Elissa was disgusted by the sense of darkspawn which almost made bile rising to her mouth, and disturbed by the ever shifting currents of her fellow Warden.

"Hello Alistair. Where are the others?" She perched on one of the logs they had placed around the firepit yesterday, as far opposite from him as possible.

Still without meeting her eyes he answered. "You'll be surprised to know that Leliana and Sten elected to make an evening of it in Denerhim."

Maybe not so much, Elissa thought. There was definitely something going on between the pair. She did not ask where Morrigan was. Morrigan never gave a reason for her disappearances.

"I'm truly sorry things turned out the way they did today Alistair." she offered hesitantly.

"Well, I guess they turned out exactly the way you expected." He gave the fire an angry poke. "Feel free to tell me how much of a fool I was to hope for anything else. I know you're itching to."

"I am not! Why do you say that? It should come as no surprise that everyone is out for themselves, that's all I had to say." She was heavily on the defensive now.

"And now you've said it." Throwing the stick into the fire he settled back on the log burying his face in his hands.

Elissa was totally at a loss. She endured the uncomfortable silence for a while before essaying a lighter tone. "Would you like to spar? I'm game. It could make you feel better, and I would find it hard to sleep without a few new bruises."

He did not rise to the bait. "As tempting as the offer is, no."

Her attempts at levity ignored. Elissa decided that she should definitely hit her tent. Before she had even started to rise, Alistair shot to his feet. Without a word he stalked off in the darkness.

Elissa was unsure of what she should do. Alistair was a grown man. Surely he would prefer to master his grief by himself. She had every intention to beat a hasty retreat when she realized that it was impossible. No matter how much he continued to infuriate her at times, this was also the man who had saved her life on more occasions that she could even bring to mind, and now he was sinking. The sudden realization that Alistair was even capable of breaking disturbed her to no end. In the passed he had always been able of taking any licking and keep on ticking. She would be less than the worthless sister she had lectured earlier if she let him go down now. Not to mention that she had no clue as of what to do without him.

Before she could change her mind again she set off.

She found him sitting near the edge of the small pond that had been the best source of water they could find this close to the city. He was facing away from her, face hidden in his hands. With a sense of despair she belatedly realized that he was crying. Elissa ransacked her brain for anything to make the situation less awkward. Gingerly she lowered her walls to him in hope of finding a solution. Immediately she regretted it. The force of his despair struck her like a wave, threatening to drag her down. She had only one choice now.

Elissa reached out and placed a hesitant hand on his shoulder. She felt him stiffen. She ransacked her brain for something worthwhile and cheering to say and came up empty. At at loss for clever words she did the only thing reasonable, given the circumstances, and threw her arms around his shoulders. He tried to pull away but she held on. If nothing else, she was stubborn.

"I can't make you sister change her mind. But I'll gladly go back and slap her silly if that would help." She offered. She could hear him make a sound half ways between a laugh and a sob. Quickly she slammed up her walls, she had no right or desire to partake of his internal turmoil. What she had to offer was her friendship and a shoulder to cry on.

She did not know how long she had been holding him. She remembered crying a bit for herself as well, feeling selfish, but the better for it. She stroke his back as she remembered her mother doing. As she felt him drawing inwards, collecting himself, she released her grip.

She could feel him draw a shaky breath. "I'm sorry. I should have been able to handle this better. For lack of a better word, thank you."

Elissa felt shaken by the sincerity in his tone. "Please don't. Anyone would have done the same. Why don't we just forget about it. Feel free to smack me around in the evening as usual. Truly, It would not be the same otherwise."

Alistair blinked. "I guess not." he seemed sad, looking away.

She desperately wished he would not say anything more. He was weak at the moment but he was sure to regret it later, and possibly make her pay for it. Or perhaps not, Elissa mused. She had spoken no less than the truth as she saw it to Goldanna. Alistair was a good man. She should probably not be so quick to pin her own natural reactions on him.

Such self scrutiny was as unfamiliar as unwelcome to Elissa. As if realizing it, she quickly got to her feet. "I think I'd better, eh, check out the camp. Take as long as you need. I'm quite sure I can manage awhile."

When she finally saw Alistair approaching Elissa pretended to be fully occupied with the arrangement of firs in front of the fireplace. As if sensing her discomfort he spoke without looking at her. "Maker, I'm tired. I feel like I've fought the arch demon single handed."

Elissa grunted in agreement. "Shut up and sleep then, you need it. I'll keep watch." With enormous relief she could hear him retreating to his tent.

Just before entering he said."With risk of repeating myself, Thank you."

"With risk of repeating myself. Shut up!" She answered.


	12. Chapter 12

**A note:** A zillion thanks to my beta reader Kumar for taking time to help me with this chapter.

**Disclaimer:** Is there really anyone out there who believe I own Bioware?

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><p>"If you feel capable of beheading an unarmed man begging for his life, you do it yourself!" Elissa had been genuinely astonished when Alistair had tossed her his sword with an angry gesture before striding off, leaving her with the elf assassin. On the other hand this clearly indicated that he was not happy with his decision, even if he thought it was correct, and making her pay for objecting. She did not consider that altogether fair. Nevertheless she seethed inside at the thought, she was not prepared to do her own dirty work. Instead she reached down to the elf. "Welcome on board then, I guess." The assassin came to his feet with alarming speed.<p>

"Excellent! It's not every day my life is spared by a deadly sex goddess."

She quirked her lips. "Well, that would really be Alistair. And where I you. I would think twice before calling him a sex Goddess to his face."

"Yet somehow that makes it even more exiting!" The assassin laughed out load, as if pleased.

Elissa considered the elf more carefully. He was a slightly built, wiry man, with long blond hair. Handsome too, or at least, she was pretty sure he would be once that broken nose was healed. He was also oddly cheerful considering his near-death experience. Elissa shrugged. Perhaps that was something you had to learn in his trade of business.

It had been raining intermittently the entire day. They set up camp beneath a group of large oaks to spare them the worst of the downpour. Even if they were all rather miserable Elissa noticed that from the outside no one would have guessed that the assassin, whose name was Zevran, was not a long time member of the group. He even brought a smile to Morrigans lips with his quick wit, naturally at someone elses expense, but still.

Alistair had obviously hoped that having an elf in the group would be helpful when dealing with the Dalish Elf clans. Unfortunately Zevran proved to know remarkably little of his own people. Indeed, he did not even consider himself to be an elf but an Kantian, and spoke nothing of the language. On almost any other subject however he seemed to have an opinion or observation which he was more than willing to share.

They badly needed the assistance as well, assuming the elf would hold true to his oath of fealty. They were all tired, none of them without an injury or two that was slow in healing. As Morrigan had repeatedly pointed out there was only so much she could do.

Elissa started as Alistair clapped her on the shoulder.

"Elissa what are you waiting for? get up."

"But, Its raining." she objected.

"Yes, so what? Chances are small you'll find darkspawn willing to hold an umbrella for you? Get off your lazy butt now."

"I'm not your grunt". Elissa muttered under her breath. Picking up her arms, she did not fail to notice that Alistair was favoring his right leg. He had been nursing a thigh wound for the last few days. Elissa suspected Morrigan leaving it that way on purpose. The two of them just could not so much as look at each other without raising hackles. And who was she to complain. Alistair was strong, quick and experienced, but she was not the easy prey of yesteryear herself. The feelings of sympathy she had felt for him on account of what had happened in Denerhim, evaporated like mist in the morning. She felt a flicker of the strange testacy that sometimes descended on her during battle. She tried desperately to hold on to it. "Coming."

/

"Yield!" Elissa had her dagger pressed to Alistairs throat. She could not recall the last time she had felt this good. Her plan to have him dancing sideways until his leg gave out had worked almost to perfection. She had even intentionally taken a few hits to make her strategy less obvious, she had gotten a few more in the bargain but what of it now?

Alistair released his sword. "I yield. Where did you keep that dagger? The inside of your shield?"

"Yes." Elissa withdrew the blade and let go of his hair. Had she really stretched his neck to a kill? She could not remember it, but perhaps that had been overdoing it a bit. "Sorry."

"Never apologize for a work well done." Alistair settled back on his haunches with a grunt of pain. "You have a true talent for exploiting a weakness as well, should have recognized it sooner. From now on I think I have to step up my game a bit." He paused, looking at her arm in surprise. "Elissa, I think your wrist is broken?"

"Surely not. Don't you think I would have felt..." Elissa's face blanched as she saw her hand sticking out at a crazy angle, there was even a bit of bone visible. Abruptly the pain came rushing and she sat down heavily.

"Oh for pity's sake. I hate when things repeatedly get broken." Morrigan waved in their direction in an offhand way. "Makes me wonder why I keep them."

Elissa felt the broken bones knit together, biting her teeth against the pain. Alistair gave her a look of sympathy while rubbing at his thigh. "Bitch." he mouthed. Leaning close to Alistair Elissa spoke in low voice.

"I noticed that she healed the nose of the elf before, with a smile no less. Maybe you made the right decision to keep the assassin alive. "

"That's alarming enough in itself, for once, you may have been correct." Alistair whispered back.

She did not miss the hidden criticism, even if probably unintentional. But since he had been so morose since Denerhim she decided not to argue the point.

"Still, there must be something very special about the assassin." she mused.

"Or, it could just be two seriously deranged persons finding a kindred spirit." Alistair added darkly.

"Oh, I don't know. Zevran seems to be quite a delightful person, for an assassin."

Rolling his eyes, Alistair rose, testing his newly healed leg with a satisfied grunt.

"Let's eat! I'm starving." He reached down to help her to her feet. As Elissa bent down to pick up her shield she let out a wail of despair. "Oh no, look at this, it will take forever to clean. I hate this rain.

As the rest of the company drifted off to their tents later Elissa remained, having drawn the first watch. It went without saying that the assassin would not be assigned one.

This clearly did not hinder him from staying awake chatting to her, and despite her initial reservations, Elissa found herself warming to the charm of the Antivan. She had sorely missed the kind of male attention the assassin was giving her. Taking it for granted since even before she came of age she had hardly noticed it until it was gone. Even though Elissa could not quite shake the feeling that Zevran was gaging her up, she found herself responding to his quips, which often had a heavy sexual undertone. Giving as good as she got. This was her game as well, and a delightful one. She was almost sorry when Sten came to relieve her of her watch. You never needed to wake Sten.

Tossing and turning through the rest of the night. Between darkspawn dreams and a disquiet growing inside her body. She found herself regretting that she had hacked of the long dark tresses that had been her pride, only to throw them in the fire before Duncan's face. The man had not said as much as a word, but she could sense that he recognized a challenge when he saw one. As appropriate as the gesture had seemed at the time it felt rather childish in hindsight. Tomorrow she would ask Leliana to even out the lengths a bit, she had offered often enough. She abruptly sat up and slapped herself in the face.

"Get smart Elissa. The man is an assassin for Blight's sake. She threw herself back on the twisted damp bedding. It will never happen. Surely not. Maybe, but just the once...


	13. Chapter 13

**A Note:** The positive analysis from my beta/reviewer Kubar is encouraging me to try to keep this story rolling. Hugs to all other reviewers as well. I'll be a bit pressed the coming weeks but knowing you appreciate my story really make a difference when it comes to prioritizing. This chapter rolled out almost without effort, wish it could always be like that.

**Disclaimers:** 0

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><p>Alistair swore as the managed to stab himself with the awl for the umpteenth time. Disgusted he threw the entire chest piece to the ground before examining his hand. No harm done really, except for his pride. They all had armor that was more or less falling to pieces. While finding weapons worth looting was not so hard, good armor was scarce, and often near to ruined anyway. Sooner or later they would have to come up with enough coin to buy replacements.<p>

"Would you like some help with that?, Leliana spoke up from the other side of the fire where she had been tending the cooking pot.

"No, not really." Alistair hedged. Leliana cast him an exasperated glance. "Well, if you really insist, I guess you could give it a shot." Alistair gave in, relieved.

"Gladly. Stir my stew instead, If you can manage that without profaning the Maker every second instant. One of these days he's going to listen to you"

"I'll do my best then." Alistair smiled ruefully as they traded places. After giving the pot a twirl or two he asked. "Smells good, something Orlesian?"

Leliana laughed. "Quite ordinary. Only, not cooked into a grey mush the way you do it Fereladan style." He reluctantly had to give her that one.

After a humiliatingly short while Leliana declared herself finished with his armor, and called out that the food was ready. Sten and Morrigan materialized out of the darkness.

"What about Elissa and Zevran?", Leliana queried.

"What about them?" Morrigan snorted. "As per usual they are off in search of herbs or firewood or whatnot that takes a long time to find and two persons to do it." Alistair could not help but notice the bitterness in Morrigans tone. Normally he would have enjoyed that to no end, but suddenly he found himself agreeing with her. An alarming thought.

"Morrigan, don't be such a grump." Leliana chided. I think it's sweet. And Elissa seems so happy. I think there were moments before where she was truly miserable. We should not begrudge her this."

"The other one is foolish! Her judgment is clearly flawed when it comes to these matters." Sten stated.

Secretly Alistair agreed, but how could he second such a statement without sounding, well, jealous. Not that he was of course. Truly, he had hardly even considered Elissa as an attractive person of the opposite sex before. Being too occupied keeping her in line and alive while pursuing their goal had kept him blind and deaf to any other aspects of her. Her knack for being a total pain in the ass at the most inopportune moments hadn't exactly helped. And now it was to late to consider anyhow, seeing she had bonded with the bloody Antivan.

Leliana gave Sten a playful hit on the arm.

"You're as bad as Morrigan. It's not foolish to love."

"If one of the parts is a known assassin it could be considered unwise at the least." Alistair said, downing the last of his food. Unbidden, the memory of Elissa hanging from his neck kissing his face with fervor came to mind. She had been badly concussed at the time however and kept calling him 'Fergus' so he was pretty sure that did not count for much. Suddenly Leliana wailed.

"Oh no. I've forgotten the stew. Ugh it's ruined now, all gray. Poor Elissa and Zevran."

As if summoned, the pair stumbled out into the clearing. Elissa was laughing.

"And you said you had no fear of the dark?"

"There's darkness, and there's darkness. In Antiva the darkness is much less dark." the elf exclaimed.

"Welcome little lovebirds." Leliana greeted. "Hurry and get your dinner before it get's even worse."

As if suddenly embarrassed, Elissa let go of Zevrans arm and preceded to seat herself. Looking inside the pot she exclaimed.

"Oh, I thought it was Leliana who was cooking tonight. Never mind. I'm hungry enough to eat even your menu Alistair." She beamed an indulgent smile at him.

"You should not wander off like that. It's not safe. You don't even know the terrain." Alistair responded angrily.

"Oh. I wouldn't worry overmuch. She knows the terrain very well, I'd say." Zevran injected with a smile directed solely to Elissa.

Leliana laughed. "Oh, you two are lovely. But you're still doing the dishes."

Havin had it up to there with the cooing about how perfectly happy Elissa was Alistair gathered his belongings and got to his feet.

" I'm turning in now. Thank you Leliana! And Elissa, We still have a lot of work to do. I have given you a bit of slack, but from now on I would appreciate if you wouldn't make running off in the evenings with an assassin a habit."

"Oh, don't be jealous my fine Alistair. You're definitely my second favorite Grey Warden." Zevran protested. Alistair swerved towards the Elf.

"Why do I feel this sudden urge to strangle you?"

The assassin only laughed as if in delight.

"Finally we are getting somewhere!"


	14. Chapter 14

**A Note:** And here we are, the temple of Andraste. Who ever thought we would make it this far? Not I! Thank you all for reading and reviewing, keeps you going when you're running on nothing but fumes. And of course the help and encouragement of my lovely beta. Hope you enjoy!

**Disclaimer:** Nope, anyone with a reasonable organized mind think I own Bioware? Nope!

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><p>"Makers balls, is there no end to this?" Zevran disgustedly slapped at the remains of Drake and Mage still clinging to him in splotches.<p>

"You were happy enough when we found the ancient elf armor only you could fit in so stop your wining!" Elissa winced as Morrigan set her arm in preparation for healing. In her heart of hearts she was in agreement.

They had been up and down, in and out the ancient temple of Andraste for what seemed like an eternity. All they found were new waves of crazy cultists throwing themselves at them with incredible enthusiasm. Of the final resting place of Andraste there had been no sign. But she had no intention to argue the point with Alistair, she certainly had no better idea at the moment. She could probably not even find her way back if she wanted.

She saw Alistair kicking a dragon egg in frustration shattering it against the wall. As if the action had sapped him of his last strength he let his shoulders drop, passing a hand over his eyes.

"Zevran could be right. Maybe this is a fools errand." Without looking up Alistair continued. "Might as well camp here. It's the best spot I've seen in a long time. There's even a spring at the back where I slew the mages, with luck they didn't end up in the water. I don't know about the rest of you but I'm dead beat." The others grunted in thankful assent.

They set up an improvised camp, just laying out their bedrolls on the stone floor around the fire Morrigan had unexpectedly kindled. Usually she scoffed at such mundane uses of her magic. She must be really out of sorts, or in a hurry.

Elissa was assigned the first watch together with Sten, at least the watches were shorter now since Zevran was trusted enough to share. As Alistair had stated with disdain, "Where would he go?" Unfortunately Elissa did not share watches with Zevran as often as she would have liked. She suspected Alistair of not trusting the pair to stay alert to danger, and as to that, well he was probably correct.

As the rest of the company drifted of to sleep and Sten was poking about at the far end of the hall, Elissa sat listening to the cracking of the fire while cleaning her newest treasure.

The elven hand axe was beautiful. To think she had almost missed it yesterday. She had tripped when desperately dodging to avoid being beheaded by a cultist reaver swinging a greatsword, loosing her own sword in the process. Rolling she had picked up the first thing she could lay her hands on, and had swung the axe and neatly severed the cultists arm. Pivoting on her heel she sank the axe blade into the throat of an archer who was just about to fire a crossbow bolt into Alistairs back. Loosing her balance again on the slippery ground, she managed nevertheless to plant the axehead between the eyes of a Dragonling where it got stuck. The next instant Alistair had run it through for good measure.

"Beautifully done Elissa! I think you just found your style. Something between a Wood chopper and a butcher's apprentice." He had smiled as he reached down to help her to her feet.

Elissa had beamed back "Even saved your sorry ass for once I reckon!"

"Well do that around 300 times more, and we'll be almost even." He was dodging her swipe even as he finished the sentence. Afterwards he had bent to dislodge the axe from the skull of the dead dragonling. Turning it over in his hand he had spoken in frank admiration "This is quite a beauty!'

"Suits me well then, don't you think" Elissa had quipped, snatching for the weapon. He had regarded her intently before handing her the axe. "Be sure to take good care of it. Some creatures have poison in their blood that could potentially corrupt the blade."

Holding the now shining blade to the fire, giving it a final coating of oil she turned to see if Alistair was still awake to admire her work. He wasn't, indeed it seemed as if he had dropped dead the moment his bedroll hit the ground. Obviously only bothered to put aside his arms before laying down in full armor and was lost to the world in the sleep of the utterly exhausted.

She felt rather sorry for him. Sometimes she wished he would let her shoulder a bit of the load. She was certainly as capable as he was of making really bad decisions she thought wryly. She understood full well that they were searching for a supposed cure for the Arl as much because he was Alistair's father as anything else. And who was she to blame him really, had it been her family she would no doubt have done the same.

Elissa let the firelight dance over the axeblade once more, admiring it. It was as Alistair had stated, beautiful! Elven runes and symbols was running up the handle spreading onto the double silverite blades. If they ever managed to reach the Dalish maybe she could have them translated. Or maybe not. What if the signs on the blade simply read 'Suck this', or, 'If you like some fun visit Merryl'. Sometimes not knowing was preferable.

As their watch was drawing to an end of Sten returned to her side. He had found a pair of huge plate gauntlets and was in a jolly mood. Which for Sten meant giving her a curt nod in appreciation of the condition of her new weapon. After waking Zevran and Morrigan she lay down, wishing she had the stamina to spend some 'quality time' with the assassin, but she was simply too tired.

Spending day after day underground in search of a mysterious relic did nothing positive to a relationship she noted bitterly. The other night she had definitely seen Zevran trying to sneak a hand down Morrigan's scant clothing. If he was just a little bit more friendly towards Morrigan, well, that could be coincidence, no? They had an open relationship after all. She guessed that 'In Antiva an open relationship was much more open.'

And not wanting to seem provincial in his eyes, Elissa had pretended she did not wish them both to fall dead, or at least catch a veneric disease. No, that was going too far. She had already made up her mind that as long as the elf remained one of the few bright spots in her generally miserable existence, she had no intention to distance herself just to make a stupid moral point. That seemed more like something Alistair would do.

Sneaky little tendrils of lust traveled up her spine as she remembered the feel of the smooth bronzed skin she had stitched together this morning. Unfortunately that seemed to be the only time available for caresses these days. But as opposed to Alistair the elf never twitched or turned which always made the procedure end sooner than she would have wished. She sincerely hoped Zevran had the good sense not to try anything with Leliana, if so, Sten would surely kill him.

Her place was next to Alistair and before falling asleep she noted with regret that he was obviously caught in the Dark Dreams now. She found herself wishing she knew of any gentle way to break them but she didn't. Reaching over she shook his shoulder until he jerked awake. For a moment his gaze was totally disoriented. She knew, oh she knew well the scenes playing before his eyes. She still had not mastered the art of keeping her walls up while sleeping.

"Bad dreams!" She gave his shoulder another tug to snap him out of it proper.

Blinking he turned over on his back, covering his eyes with an arm. "Yes." Nothing else needed to be said.

Elissa came to think that at a time, not so long ago, she would have snuggled down in a soft bed with a love letter or two, and dreamt of the senders. Here she was now, lying on hard rock floor with an axe for bedmate, and dancing with nightmare monsters in her sleep.

Oh do grow up Elissa, she chastised herself. It's not like anything is going to change for the better anytime soon, or ever. Resolutely she pulled the blanket over her head. "Goodnight."


	15. Chapter 15

**A note:** Zillion thanks to my beta, you're quite a treasure.

**Disclaimer:** I take no credit for anything or anyone

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><p>Just as the cultist leader was about to plant his huge waraxe in Elissas brain he suddenly froze. The man's eyes seemed to blink before the head slowly toppled from the neck, taking a few turns in the air to finally bounce and land almost in Elissas lap. The body crumbled after spurting blood from the completely severed neck.<p>

"A good cultist is a dead cultist, no?" Zevran neatly stepped back smiling in pleased appreciation of his own handiwork. "That is, unless they are planning an orgy, of course!"

Immensely relieved Elissa struggled to her feet getting out of the path of the spurting blood. How long could a heart beat without a head? She guessed she was about to find out. She was not sorry the cultist was dead, quite the opposite. But 'ouch'. At the back of the cavern was the exit the cultists had so jealously guarded. Elissa was not the only one hurrying to reach it.

As they emerged into the sunlight onto a stone bridge they all felt their spirits lifting as they filled their lungs with the fresh mountain air. At the far end was supposedly their goal, the fabled resting place of Andraste.

Suddenly the sun was blotted out by great wings. Elissa dived to hide close to the stone railing. Blight and blood, the Arch demon had found them. She was going to die now. She lay still, waiting for the call.

"A high dragon is no joke." she heard Zevran whisper near her. "We should try to avoid confrontation, unless of course, someone has a serious death wish."

High Dragon? Elissa chanced a glance. The beast had settled on one of the cliffs flanking the path like a great bird of prey. After a short whispered debate between Alistair and Morrigan, he signaled that they should continue to stay low. After a long nervous wait, finally the dragon seemed to fall asleep, perhaps with a belly full of something, or someone. The company ever so slowly creep across the ravine. Expecting to hear the sound of huge leathery wings beating at any moment. Running the last steps to open the chapel door, making damn sure to slam it shut behind them.

When they turned they found a man in plate beckoning then forward.

As the Guardian started to explain to Alistair that there was a gauntlet of traps to test their worthiness before eventually getting to the Ashes Elissa felt near to tears. When the fade spirit started questioning her about her feelings when leaving her parents to die she screamed. "Mind your own bloody business!"

Alistair cast an outraged look at her which she ignored. Was it her problem that he had chosen to weather his guilt for Duncan's death in front of everybody? Hardly! She got an approving nod from Morrigan, which immediately made her question her action. She was immensely relieved when the Guardian simply inclined his head saying. "I will respect your privacy."

Having passed the room of 'riddles for dummies' with ease, Elissa was unprepared for the sight of her father standing in the next hall, looking at her with immense sadness in his eyes. She took a few steps forward before she felt a grip on her arm.

"Desist. It's only a fade spirit." Morrigan was tactless but no liar. Elissa knew that but ignored it. The need to believe was too great.

"Father." She ran to embrace him one last time. The specter was immaterial and spoke empty words of the importance to cast away her grief and carry on with her life before vanishing. Elissa was left stranded, tears running down her cheeks. She had no idea of the purpose of showing her this illusion, but if it was meant to break her it had been successful. She leaned her head against the cold stone where the image of her father had vanished.

"Elissa?" Alistair was right behind her. With every intention to went her grief in rage against him she rounded, only to pull up short. For an instant Elissa and Alistair exchanged a look of recognition, as fleeting as it was rare. They were both trying to recover from loosing everyone important in their lives. She could tell that he was fully expecting her to yell and curse at him, for circumstances of which he bore no responsibility whatsoever, and was resigned to endure it to get her back on her feet. Was this the way he regarded her still? The insight gave her the ammunition she needed to steel herself. With satisfaction she saw his eyes widen in surprise as she only gave him a polite nod of thanks before wiping her nose with her elbow in the most unladylike fashion. "End of show folks. Don't forget to toss your money in the hat before leaving."

What naturally followed was a challenge where the company had to face mirror images of themselves. Elissa had thought Morrigan would be hardest nut to crack but Alistair used his Templar ability to nullify her magic before running her through. Had he been smiling? Elissa was outraged when he proceeded to dispatch her image with what seemed an offhand flick of the shield.

"You could have pretended it was at least a bit difficult, bastard!" She shouted. Rolling to avoid the flying knives of Zevran's specter. Last to go down was unsurprisingly Sten. The actual Sten nodded in pleased confirmation.

Having passed a puzzle bridge they finally caught sight of what was possibly their goal. A flight of steps leading up to a statue of Andraste with only a thin line of fire barring the way. More symbolic than actually dangerous. Sten could have been able to toss even Alistair across. This was clearly another test. They read the inscription on the small altar in front of them.

"Oh, of course, we have to be naked to cross" Leliana's false attempt to sound dismayed fooled no one. Shaking her head Elissa started to undress. Not unexpectedly she felt a hand running a trail down her back as she was struggling with the laces of her leggings. Turning she saw Zevran raising an eyebrow in query. The elf was incorrigible. 'yes' she mouthed silently. She was apparently no better. As she finished removing the last of her clothes she was aware of a slight commotion behind her back.

"Oh, for pity's sake, Alistair, get them off, already." Morrigan exclaimed with irritation. "From the way you're acting one could almost suspect you've never been naked in front of a woman before." Elissa smiled to herself as she heard an angry protest followed by a tearing sound. "There, finally!" Morrigan was clearly not one to waste such a golden opportunity for revenge.

The old Elissa would have hung back waiting for someone else to risk their skin first. Well that was then, this was now. It was not even as if crossing this line required any special skill other than determination. Resolutely she stepped into the flames.


	16. Chapter 16

Having survived the Gauntlet of traps and exiting the temple with a pinch of Andraste's ashes in their possession might have made them feel invulnerable, and careless.

Melissa was astonished when she was suddenly swept off her feet to slide head down a rocky slope. Belatedly she remembered the dragon. Shaking her head to clear it she scrambled uphill on her hands and feet. Reaching the summit she saw that her companions were already engaging the beast. Her hands were shaking as she drew her axe, not lost in the fall as if by a miracle.

Leliana was running to take her stance from a knoll. Morrigan was charging her hands with something extremely nasty. Loud in Elissa's mind rose Alistair's answer to her flippant question if he knew how to kill a dragon. "Haven't the faintest".

She saw the huge beast hit Sten with a kick from a hind leg. Sten went flying like a ragdoll. Makers breath, what chance did they have? They were as good as dead already. The dragon had trampled their packs and scattered their meager belongings on the ground. Alistair caught his leg in a tent and went down on his back. A lucky stroke since this made the dragons jaws pass over him, teeth closing on empty air with a clash.

Sten had recovered now and was advancing, favoring his left leg. Elissa could see the tendrils of Morrigans healing curl around him. She steeled herself and carefully crept forward looking for a place somewhere in the belly that seemed more vulnerable.

There was none! After having been buffeted, trampled and set to fire more times than she thought humanly possible. Elissa was bleeding from more places than she cared to envision and at the end of both will and stamina. Better to roll over and be done with it all.

Leliana and Sten had fallen, dead or not she could not tell. Zevran had been out of sight awhile. Morrigan was protecting herself with a sickly yellow force field that seemed ready to collapse at any moment now with the dragon lunging at it. Suddenly Alistair managed to pin one of the dragon's wings to the ground, but now his sword was stuck. Elissa could see the massive head turning away from Morrigan to focus on him. Slavering teeth opening. In a moment he would be gone and there would be nothing but air between herself and the slavering teeth.

In an instant rage replaced panic. Elissa could feel the blood rushing through her ears and the world seemed to slow around her. Just as that time in Redcliffe. She felt invulnerable, she suddenly saw, through the red haze before her eyes, clearly what needed to be done.

Releasing her shield she picked up the scattered woodaxe. Backing off a few steps she launched herself at Alistair, springing from his bent back onto the still pinned dragon wing. The monsters head swerved from Alistair trying to focus on this new threat. There was only silence now except for her heartbeat ringing strong and sure in her ears. Holding her arms out from her body, using the two axes for balance. Skimming up the dragons neck, seemed almost too easy.

Her walls were mere vapor, gone. She could feel Alistair's blood calling to her through the taint, blended with his astonishment.

Yes, watch me! Watch me well! I'm soaring! I'm invincible! I'm a bleedin' death machine. Watch me, worship me!

Reaching the base of the neck she straddled it locking her feet in the scaled underside. Taking her time, Elissa let her arms circle to a full arc before squarely planting an axe in each great eye.

She was ecstasy! She was thunder and lightning! She was flying!

Elissa felt more of surprise than anything else when she hit the valley floor.

Alistair could not credit his eyes. Elissa had sent him to the ground shooting of his back, and now he could see her traipsing towards the dragons head, cool as you please. Disaster was sure to follow. He started running. But before he had taken more than a handful of steps he saw her raise both axes, and almost mockingly turn them a few times in her hands before blinding the dragon with a smile on her face. That was the he last thing he registered before the dragon exploded under her, trampling him to the ground.

He must have lost consciousness for an instant. When he came to, shaking his head, he could see the dragon trying to take to the air, but the blind beast only managed to crash into the cliff side and falling back momentarily stunned. Alistair scrambled to his feet with all the speed he could muster,snatched up the nearest sword and with all his remaining strength drove the blade through the skull, deep into the reptilian brain. The beasts death throws sent him flying once more, this time he did not even bother to try to get up. He lay still, amazed at being alive.

As from afar Alistair could hear voices calling. Relief flooded him, he had almost feared being the sole survivor. He managed to get up as far as hands and knees when he suddenly heard Elissa crying his name. Straightening he scanned for her. She was running up towards him, blood streaming down the side of her head. Without even slowing down she threw herself at him.

"You did it! You killed a dragon!" She grabbed him by the hair banging their foreheads together rather painfully. "You killed the monster you brilliant man!"

There was a queer unfocused look to her eyes but he found himself grinning like a madman. Grabbing her hair in return he crushed their faces even closer.

"WE killed a dragon. After you blinded it, it did half the work itself." He shook his head in astonishment.

Her eyes nailed him. "Then we're BOTH brilliant! No! we're the bleedin' stuff of bloody legend!" Before he could react she drove him backwards to the ground, kissing him hard.

He hesitated only a heartbeat before returning her kiss with equal urgency. She had split his lip and smelt of blood and sweat. None of this mattered. Their joint blood sang through the taint. She was the taste of life and victory. They were alive and a dragon was dead.

Morrigan's voice brought them back to reality like a dose of ice cold water.

"Your skull must have been cracked worse than I thought! Elissa, here! Let me help you before you embarrass yourself further."

Alistair released Elissa with a start that sent her reeling. He had never wanted to kill anyone as badly as Morrigan at that moment. Instead he rolled over, not wishing to see realization dawn in Elissa's face as she came to herself. Suddenly he felt every wound he had sustained during the fight.

Elissa felt the rush leaving her with a suddenness that made her head spin. She stumbled to her feet took three steps sideways and promptly fell to her knees.

"What happened? Did we kill the dragon? Why are you upside down?"

The last thing Elissa heard was Sten's voice.

"I've got her."


	17. Chapter 17

"Ah you finally awake." Elissa heard Morrigans discorporate voice like a ghost from the past.

"Where am I? Flemeths hut?"

Morrigan chuckled. "No, we are in the Village of Haven. In a house no doubt abandoned by one of the cultists we left dead up in the temple."

"Ah yes." Memories were slowly coming back now. Even if a bit haphazard. "But we did get the ashes? And killed a dragon?" Elissa opened her eyes, very carefully.

"That we did!" Morrigan closed the massive book she had been reading ever since their time at the Circle. "Since your brain seems to have withstood any permanent injury. I'm going to get some sleep myself. I've drained myself these last days."

"Thank you Morrigan. I will try not to make a habit out of it."

"Better not." Morrigan tried to sound harsh, but Elissa could hear that she was relieved.

As she could hear Morrigan settling down to sleep she tried to do the same. It was no good, her head felt as if about to split, she was restless, and thirsty. Elissa raised her head, scanning the small room. Leliana was laying on a cot further down, fast asleep. She could see none of the men. They were probably in another part of the house. She assumed they were all alive since Morrigan had made no comment otherwise. But that could have been in order not to agitate her.

Wrapping her blanket around her she padded out of the room. To her relief the rest of her companions was to be found in the next room. Zevran was standing guard gazing out of the small window. Obviously the company were not certain all cultists were good and dead. Seeing her he quickly came to her side, kissing her hand in mock praise.

"Ah, I'm so glad to see you in one piece my deadly dragon killer. You are, as always, a vision."

Elissa ducked her head in embarrassment. The events seemed hardly real anymore, had an almost dreamlike quality to them."Ah, that was more Alistair than me really, I think." She filled a bowl with water and drank deep.

"Do not cheapen yourself my finest warden. You are truly deserving of praise, and not only for your delightful body anymore." Elissa found herself fleetingly annoyed at that last remark, but the elf was as he was. At least he had made no bones about it. Gladly she let him enfold her, feeding of his strength and warmth. Together they stood gazing out of the small window. The dark wall of tall pines provided a stunning contrast to the frost covered ground, glittering in the light of the full moon. How was it possible that a place as peaceful as this could have held such dark secrets. Elissa guessed that priest Eirik had been at the heart of it. Controlling and ruling over the other followers like a tyrant. Hopefully the survivors would find a way to continue with their lives. Or not. It was out of their hands anyway. Tomorrow they would probably be heading back to Denerhim. No more warm beds for a while.

"You were not badly injured I hope." Elissa belatedly remembered to ask.

He answered from her hair. "No, no, my pride mostly. I spent the major part of our battle with the dragon hanging from a cliff by my fingernails. Alas, They will never be the same."

"And the others?" Elissa indicated the cots in the far end of the room.

"Some bleeding, burning and a few broken things. Nothing Morrigan could not fix, eventually. You, my precious, seemed to have gotten the worst of it."

She smiled, gingerly touching her head. She was relieved that Alistair was not awake. She seemed to remember forcing him to kiss her, the episode was not totally clear in her mind. She guessed she would have to apologize for that lapse sooner or later. Not that she had any inclination too, really. Even the memory of it made her pulse quicken. She glanced over at the bed, he was laying face down. She could see that the one arm hanging down to touch the floor was heavily bandaged. Red light from the fireplace seemed to run like blood across his back.

Elissa had almost forgotten about Zevran to the point that she almost started at the sound of his voice.

"You are concerned about you fellow warden, but he'll be fine. Has a sturdy physique that one."

"I guess." Elissa mentally chastised herself. She was behaving like a mare that only came in heat when covered with dragon blood. Well, there would be precious few of those moments. And she was certain Alistair was as eager as herself to forget the entire incident. The brother and sister relationship they had been carefully nurturing had been working out just fine lately. She did not want to risk it. Turning in the assassins arms she brushed her lips against his. It was a skillful kiss, deep, a kiss by a master, but she could not fail to notice that it did not send her blood singing.


	18. Chapter 18

The trek from Haven down towards Redciffe began the next day. The party had not hesitated to plunder a few of the empty houses for fur lined clothing. They were now carrying extra blankets and all of them had found some sort of fur lined mantle. Even if the days were clear and sunny, at sunset the temperature sank quickly and at night was well below the freezing point.

Alistair was glad to be off, he was secretly afraid that they would be to late to save the Arl as it was. The first day Elissa was clearly suffering from spells of dizziness, suddenly stumbling almost off the path. In order to keep them moving Sten offered to carry her, he wished he had thought of that first. After the first few days however , Alistair was pretty sure she was faking it, a least a bit. Either to avoid sparing, or to avoid him, possibly both.

He still could not figure out, or forget, what had happened between them outside the Temple. The way her eyes had met his, drilling down as if searching for something deep inside. He had not missed the fact that the taint had been involved. Maybe that was the reason there had never been many women among the wardens. He would have liked to talk to her about it. But she had been avoiding him like the plague ever since. He recognized the necessity of them staying on good terms. If he confronted her and she blew the top, she just might decide to bail out and run off with the assassin. Which would make him the man who lost half of the Wardens in Ferelden, and how would that be for a recommendation.

At night they all huddled close together against the cold. Alistair reluctantly poked his head out of the blanket at the insistent shaking. "Andraste's mercy, but you're a hard man to wake sometimes." Leliana exclaimed. "Hurry up. I want your spot while there's still some warmth in it."

"Sorry." Alistair rubbed his hands over his face before getting to his feet. Leliana quickly slid down in his abandoned bedding.

Alistair sat down and stretched to grab another log to throw on the fire. Maker be blessed Ferelden had an abundance of trees. He noticed how Morrigan had retreated from the fireside to transform into something white furry and foxlike, laying curled around herself with the tip of her tail covering her nose. He swore he could see her yellow eyes glimmering with satisfaction as she saw him drawing his cloak closer around himself against the cold.

"Bitch", he muttered under his breath. His thoughts kept circling back to Elissa like a tongue to a broken tooth. He shook his head. He really did not have enough experience with female relationship to figure this one out. The important female figures of his life had either died, yelled at him or hated him. The safest way was definitely to stay low, and crush these feelings below the heel before they started to fester, even if it went against his grain. Having made this decision he felt better.

And there was still the secret of his birth. He had kept it from her when he probably shouldn't ,for purely selfish reasons. Goldanna had mentioned it, but clearly Elissa had not believed her or had not been paying attention. However, if the Arl was cured Alistair was sure it would be out in the open. In that case, Elissa was nobility, she knew the game. She would figure out the implications in no time, and she would hate him for not having told her.

Alistair spent the rest of his watch gazing up at the starry sky. Wondering if there was some kind of message there he was to dumb to decipher. When the time was up he woke Morrigan by throwing a stone near her nose, grinning with satisfaction as the fox almost did a double-take out of fright. The witch should be grateful really. He was a crack shot. He could have hit her anywhere he wanted.

"Your turn!"

One week later, as the sun was setting over lake Calenhad the company were once again looking down at Redcliffe Castle. Exchanging looks of relief before they started downhill.

Upon learning that they had against all hope obtained a pinch of Andraste's ashes Bann Teagan took charge of preparations for the attempt to heal his brother. While Alistair followed to the Arl's bedside, Elissa once more found herself drawn to the kitchen instead. She heard the commotion and jubilation running through the castle with half an ear. She was relieved that the Arl was on the mend, for Alistair's sake if for nothing else.

Having gorged herself silly, and relieving Sten of a few cookies, Elissa retired to the room allotted to her. Almost laughing out loud at the sight of a steaming tub. After having immersed and scrubbed herself from crown to toe, horrified at the darkening of the water, she pulled on a nightgown, a real soft nightgown, that had been laid out on the bed. She noted with irony that she felt unprotected and almost naked without her armor now. Her hands and feet were callused, nails short, a few broken and blue. Her body had lost it's alluring softness, instead turning hard and lean. Her hair was kept cut jawbone length for ease, and her face was tanned and slightly chapped. She hardly resembled the soft beauty she had once been. She ought to be devastated she mused as she slowly inspected herself in front of the mirror, but she only felt a fleeting sadness for the naive girl she had been, a lifetime ago.

She had expected to fall asleep instantly, but after tossing and turning for a while she gave up and went to the window. After struggling a bit she managed to get it open. Looking down at the courtyard she saw that fires had been lit and that soldiers and servants were gathering around, dancing and drinking to celebrate the recovery of their ruler. A solider was waving from the courtyard beckoning her to join in the revel. She laughed and blew the man a kiss before shutting the window. She wondered if Alistair was among them. Elissa hoped that he had not noticed that she had been avoiding him. She was determined to nip these unwanted feelings in the bud, and felt she was definitely on the right track. returning to the bed once more she surprised herself by falling into dreamless sleep.


	19. Chapter 19

A Note: I am sincerely touched by all you people taking the time to read and even review. This chapter just flew of the keyboard, why can't them all. Well I'm not writing 'The grapes of wrath' or anything, but still... Million kisses to my beta!

Disclaimer: Why bother

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><p>"One more time please, and slowly. I need to get this right. Alistair is the son of King Maric?" Elissa could not believe her ears. And to think Alistair had kept this secret from her all this time.<p>

"Indeed, and therefore he must take up his obligations to the realm." The Arl stated this as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

Without another word Elissa swerved on her heel and left. She did not think herself capable of not doing irreparable damage to their relationship with the Arl if she remained. Before she even reached the drawbridge she felt someone grabbing her arm. She did not need to turn to know who it was.

Furiously she rounded on Alistair, who took an involuntary step back. "Why have you not told me?

"I was going to, eventually." He was clearly on the defensive. "Look, it was never important anyway."

"Are you a complete moron or just and ordinary idiot?"

"You may call me anything you have in your extensive register of my faults and imperfections if you like. But I swear. I didn't think it would ever matter. It was always made clear to me that I was a bastard without any claim to the throne."

"You never thought it important to tell me?" Elissa yelled. All this time you have known you are the heir to the throne and it did not enter your thick skull, just once, that you should tell me? I thought we trusted each other. I thought we were close!"

Alistair took a quick look around at all the men-at-arms staring at them. "Please Elissa, not here. Come."

When she resisted he tightened his grip. "Come." he repeated. Unwilling to be seen dragged off like a recalcitrant child she clamped down her teeth and followed. To her surprise he led her to the stables indicating with a curt nod that she should climb the ladder to the hayloft. Once up he dragged the ladder after them with an angry jerk, throwing it to the side. Had this been a few months ago Elissa would have been very apprehensive right now, but she knew him better now, his anger was not directed at her as much as at himself. She waited for him to calm down.

There was an opening in the side to letting the wind in to dry the hay. He sat down there abruptly, back against the side of the opening. Raking his hands through the hair in a gesture she had come to recognize as distress. Elissa impatiently let him gather himself, and took the opportunity to calm down a notch or two herself. Refusing to sit she remained near the exit, just in case.

"I really hate you right now"

"I know." he turned to stare out across the lake.

"We could have used this to our advantage many times." she was almost pleading with him now, trying to understand.

"I know that too."

"With the backing of the Arl we have a chance to put you forward in a bid for the throne. Surely you know that?"

"I don't want to be king." he spoke so quietly it was hard to hear, as if afraid to voice his own opinion. Her heart went out to him at the same time she recognized the fact that he would never go against the Arl's wishes. Alistair had been conditioned since birth to obey, not to rebel. It was an ingrained part of him, as much as he might wish it otherwise. Perhaps the only time he had been free of the Arl had been when he had served with the wardens, under Duncan. How he had found the strength to lead instead of taking orders she could not imagine, unless it had been due to her total inaptness. She had always wondered why Duncan had conscripted her, perhaps he had taken a longer view than she had ever imagined.

"You may have to, like it or not." she tried to push her sympathy through the words. He gave no answer, his gaze still fixed on the lake. Elissa's anger at him had faded, she tried to be patient, but finally she could not stand the silence anymore and decided to change the subject.

"So, I guess this was one of your favorite hiding places?"

With the suddenness of a trout breaking the surface he smiled. "One of the best. I actually lived here as well."

"The Arl made you live in the stables?" Elissa found that hard to believe, despite her low opinion of the man.

"No, I just preferred it, and mostly in summer to be sure. This place have it's advantages. " As if on impulse he sprang up indicating her to follow. Laboriously they climbed the hay up to a small opening on the opposite side. Laying flat on his stomach he dug away the top layer.

"Hmm, I remember it as being larger. Anyway, look! Can you see the path? There's a shortcut from the chantry passes right here."

She lay down beside him, squinting through the opening. "And?"

"Elissa, you're supposed to be smart. Look down here!" He adjusted her head. "Don't you see? If you are really lucky you can spit through the boards here without being seen." The Revered Mother never knew what hit her, almost had the entire pigeon population wiped out." His lips curled as if reliving a pleasant memory. "That was one of the few times my prayers to the Maker came straight from the heart."

Elissa could not help laughing at the image. She could only too well imagine Alistair as a skinny boy skimming like a weasel to get set in time, no angel that one.

Wanting to offer something of herself in return she said. "I had a teacher I hated once, a lay sister, holier than thou, She once took a switch to my back for profaning the Maker."

"Oh, the outrage! how did she dare?" She slapped him good-naturally on the head for implying that she had been spoiled beyond comparison.

"So I snuck into her chamber at night and very carefully cut out random pages from her copy of the Chant, very carefully . She never said anything, but never hit me again either, guess she knew the chant by letter, else she wouldn't have noticed. I was almost sorry I didn't get to plan B. Nail a dead rat inside her portable altar."

Alistair laughed "What a pair we would have made then! The spit boy and the rat girl."

"A tiny pathetic revenge is still a revenge right?"

"My thoughts exactly!" he agreed readily.

As the silence following the laughter stretched out Elissa felt she had to say something. "You grew up here, you must have missed it." She wistfully thought of her own home.

"Not much. One should never get attached to places or people, it never lasts. Nothing does." Abruptly he started to slide down, after a moment's hesitation Elissa followed in silence, wondering at the sudden bitterness of his tone. Blast and Bleeding, this conversation was like walking through an emotional mine-field. She saw him reseating himself in the opening with one leg hanging on the outside. She took position a bit further up in the hay, unwilling for the moment to open her mouth.

After a while he spoke without looking at her "Look, Elissa, I'm sorry for not mentioning 'the prince thing' before"

Elissa's temper flared again. "You should be, can't you see that this changes all? We must plan accordingly. I'm deeply upset that you've not seen fit to tell me. I thought we trusted each other enough now. After all we have been through together."

He hung his head. "I trust you. That's not the point anymore."

The anymore hurt a bit, but she was passed that. "And your point being...?"

He faced away, sounding tired. "People who got to know have always treated me differently afterwards. I guess I wanted you to see me. For once, I just wanted to be Alistair instead of 'the bastard prince'. "

Elissa was at a loss for words. It was not fair of him to throw this kind of brutal honesty in her face. She hated it. It made her feel shallow and intolerant. It made her feel she had to say something of importance in return.

"I'm sorry I kissed you!" she heard herself blurting out.

"What?", he blinked.

She almost slapped herself. She was supposed to say something worthwhile in response to his unexpected opening of the soul, and this was the best she could do? 'I'm sorry I kissed you!', really, sometimes she surprised even herself. She ducked her head in embarrassment. There really was no saving this one was there? "No, no. I didn't mean it like that. I meant. I'm sorry I threw myself at you and forced you to kiss me!" Yes that sounded much better.

To her relief she could see that he was smiling even when shaking his head.

Relieved by his tolerance Elissa stumbled on. "And I apologize. I don't know what came over me. It won't happen again. I promise.

Looking up she met his eyes squarely. Had they always been so clear, had the eyelashes always been so long. why was it hard to breathe? She was certainly not unused to having strong feelings towards Alistair but they had usually been in the area of hate, discomfort or disgust.

"Oh, that's quite alright, really." He accepted her rather unkind declaration with the ease of someone used to rejection. The insight tore at her heart, but what could she do. She was searching for better words to express herself when the sound of a voice from the outside made him turn and raise a hand in greeting.

"Ah, there's Zevran. He seems to be looking for someone, and I have a hunch it's not me."

"Maybe, not." She gave a nervous laugh now the tension was gone. "Well guess we better get going."

He rose to retrieve the ladder. "Does this mean I'm in the clear, at least for now?"

"For keeping the secret, I guess, yes. But don't do it again? Ever!" She felt sad even as she had to add, in all honesty. "But you'll never be clear of the 'prince thing' though I guess you know that."

Without answering he showed the ladder down the hole, before he started descending he turned to her once more. "Son of a king, son of an Arl, son of a peasant or a whore, what does it really matter. I am what I am."

After he had left Elissa remained, feeling a need for solitude. She sat looking out over the blue waste, letting her eyes follow a pair of gulls making their flight across the lake. "Maker help me. I think I'm beginning to see what you are."


	20. Chapter 20

**A Note:** This chapter was edited by me after being corrected by my formidable beta. Any mistakes, spelling or other should fall on my head alone. And to all readers and reviewers my sincere gratitude.

**Disclaimer:** -

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><p>As much as Elissa would hate to admit it, Arl Eamon did not stint when equipping them for the journey to Orzammar. She did resent ,however, that he had made it sound like getting the help of the dwarves was his idea all along. And she absolutely detested the way Alistair readily agreed. If the Arl told him to jump off a cliff he probably would, but she would make bloody sure he got her opinion first.<p>

She took no small joy in proclaiming that there was no weapon in Redcliffe finer than her own axe. But gratefully accepted the new light chainmail in red steel Teagan presented to her. It fit almost too well. The Bann ruefully admitted he had had it custom made. It even had the crest of Highever cleverly hidden on the inside. It took a long time for her to run out of words of gratitude. Except for Alistair he was the finest man she had ever met.

The company would be leaving at sunrise and Elissa was packing her belongings in her room when there was a knock on the door. Opening it she was astounded to find the Arlessa outside. If she wanted to have a word, why hadn't she simply sent a servant. Quickly Elissa beckoned her inside and shut the gave her a grateful nod before speaking.

"I know full well you consider my judgment poor." Elissa winced, had she really been that obvious. "And no doubt your fellow warden, Alistair that is, has told you that I am to blame for every bad thing that ever happened to him since my marriage to his foster father."

"Actually he hasn't. You make the same assumption as everyone else. Alistair simply can not be measured by your rules." That was more or less the truth. The Arlessa went to gaze out the window.

"I was very young you see, when I married the Arl. Young and insecure, and upon learning what I supposed was a bastard running around the castle when I had just born him a legitimate son I persuaded Eamon to send the child to the chantry. Alistair must have been around the age of my Connor by then."

"Yes..." Elissa did not see where this conversation was going.

"I knew he resented being sent away. The chantry was no place for someone like him. But I knew he had to go. He was far to popular, if anything happened to Eamon he would be a possible threat to my son. I know you have no children of your own, but being a woman surely you can understand me. Wouldn't you do the same to protect one of your own?"

Elissa really had no clue. Would she? Yes, she probably would. She gave a non-committal nod.

"I learned that he had eventually joined the Grey Wardens, Would you be surprised to know that I felt no pain when informed that they all died at Ostagar.

No, Elissa thought. Loudly she said. "That was not your doing."

"No, but then you both turn up on my doorstep, saving not only my son and myself but also my husband. I have no words to thank you but I would like you to give this to Alistair." The Arlessa handed over a small medallion of Andraste. Elissa turned it over in her hand. It was a trinket anyone could afford to buy, usually worn by very unfortunate people.

"Why?"

"It used to belong to his mother." Isolde sighed. "Alistair threw it away in a fit of temper when the Arl sent him to the chantry. Eamon had it mended by the way."

"Why don't the Arl give it to him himself?" Elissa wondered.

"Oh, I don't think Eamon even remembers. It had been laying in his desk all these years. But please don't tell Alistair that. I just want him to have it back. I want to give him something in return for everything he has done for me. I can not do this openly, it would seem like I was criticizing the Arl, but you can."

"All right, I will. In my own time. " Elissa promised, pocketing the medallion. _"But if I do it will be for his sake not for yours" _she thought. The cowardliness of these people, it was incredible sometimes.

Isolde turned to leave Elissa was startled to see that there was tears in the Arlessa's eyes. "And now my son will be taken away, to the Circle. Maybe there is some divine justice in that." Elissa failed to see how the two events made any difference to the children involved. But Isolde was a very devout woman, maybe she could pray.

After the Arlessa had left Elissa finished her packing. Ugh, the bag was much heavier than she would have wished. She also had an unpleasant task of her own that she could not shirk in the light of her condemning Isolde for being a coward. She went to Zevran's room before she had the time to reconsider.

If Elissa had expected some kind of drama when she announced that their relationship was over she was sorely disappointed. The assassin just gave a token protest before smiling and telling her that he would continue to stick around since their company clearly offered the best entertainment to be found this side of Antiva. Clearly he was not convinced that the Crows had written him off yet.

He had naturally hinted that there might come a time in the future when she felt the need for a handsome assassin, professionally or otherwise. Elissa was a bit miffed at the Elf's lack of tangible grief. She felt he could have put on more of a show, at least for her sake. At the same time she felt incredibly grateful that Zevran didn't make a fuzz, she was not up to that right now.

Drawing the bedding up to her ears back in her own bed she almost regretted not taking the offer one last night for old times sake. She knew that it would have been a mistake and would have made her a person of really low morale, but as the assassin had pointed out, by this time tomorrow they might be dead.

Maybe she was earning moral points by the dozen right now, but somehow she felt she was on the loosing side even when doing what she knew was right.

Her dreams were full of dragons and she was alone.


	21. Chapter 21

A Note: And finally, after editing, precious beta helping, re-arranging chapters, here it is. The original chapter. On the plus side, I got some coming material half finished. Hope you'll enjoy. Battle scenes are possibly the hardest I've written yet.

Disclaimer: Standard ones

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><p>Elissa's vow to keep a strictly professional relationship with her fellow warden was sorely tested. When before she had been hard pressed to ignore everything about him that irritated her, she found it an effort now not to notice the strange little things that made him beautiful in her eyes. Like the way his hands moved when he was arguing, or the color of his eyes when he looked into the sun. Even his restless habit of shuffling his feet or flexing his shoulders if he was inactive that she had previously found so annoying, seemed sweet.<p>

She was not a person to take risks in matters of the heart. With her previous romances she had always been certain beforehand of the other persons feelings, letters, gifts, whispered declarations of love. Alistair had broken her arm! Twice! The same evening! That had actually been a great help in keeping her resolve, for several days.

If the pack had felt heavy on the bed in Redcliffe it was at least the weight of a small horse by the time they started ascending the edge of the Frostfangs leading up to the dwarven Kingdom of Orzammar. Elissa was almost relieved when suddenly Alistair halted, raising his fingers to signal the others.

"Darkspawn ahead!"

As soon as Elissa heard the warning she dropped her pack and quickly prepared herself for battle. She did not need to cast about herself, he was always correct. Hefting the small round shield she took her customary place at Alistair's back. She glanced around, this would be difficult. The terrain from where the enemy was approaching offered many opportunities for ambush, and was slippery with frost to booth.

"Watch out for archers." Alistair cautioned her, indicating the cliffs at either side of the gorge. Elissa nodded tightening the straps of her shield. "Trust me, you'll be fine!" he said with a grin and a clap on the shoulder. The worn out phrase had almost become a private joke. Truth be told she was not half as frightened of the Darkspawn as of herself this time. _What if she went mad again?_ She just had to keep a tight rein on the emotions that seemed to get closer to the surface every time she went into battle. First the fright and the fury, then the part where the world seemed to slow, when she was no longer herself but this out-of-control-killing-thing. She hated the last as much as she loved the former. She gave him a terse smile and a nod.

The first Hurlocks were coming around the bend. At least they had the sun in their eyes. Both Alistair and Elissa caught the first volley of arrows on their shields, he had certainly been right about the archers. Then began the sound of dying, as Leliana started filling the enemy with arrows.

As Alistair charged ahead Elissa followed. There was no time to think. She blocked a sword-stroke with her Axe, grinding it down the blade until sparks flew and she came close enough to batter the creature in the face with her shield. As it reared back, temporarily blinded, she came round with the Axe through the neck.

At her side she saw Alistair kicking a Hurlock in the guts to free his sword that had lodged in the creatures chest. She started swinging violently as suddenly a Grenlock assassin sprang up behind her as if out of thin air. Somehow she managed to duck and as she herd the sound of a skull breaking she knew Alistair had hit spot on. She blinked as putrid brain matter struck her face. At her side another monster went up in flames. The enemies were crowding in now, she caught a shield in her chest, down on her back Elissa swung her axe in a wide arch to hold them of while she tried to get back on her feet. Get up, get up, get up.

"Down!" Reacting instinctively to Sten's voice Elissa flung herself on her belly. Blood sprayed, corpses fell down around her, one or two heads struck her in the back. _Blessed Andraste, protector of the weak and stupid, remind me to never, ever, make Sten angry._ Elissa scrambled to her feet. Glancing uphill for arrows while trying to cover herself with her shield Elissa saw Zevran sinking his twin blades into the last of the archers from behind with a flourish, show-off she muttered without heat.

Turning back towards Alistair she saw that he had a hard time fighting off three Hurlocks, while she deliberated he went down on one knee. Elissa had to decide quickly which of the creatures posed the more danger, selected the one with the cutlass and planted her axe in it's brain. She knew this was a mistake, it stuck, Elissa had to put one foot on the corpse and lever the axe to and through with both hands to dislodge it, swearing to herself at the time lost while her back was exposed. Finally half the skull came loose with a sickly sound. Elissa felt like she would puke. Swerving, splattering black clods from her axe in a viscous backhand she took the leg of another Grenlock. When the creature finally stopped screaming with an arrow embedded between the eyes, suddenly there was nothing but silence. Dazed Elissa looked around, ever so carefully lowering her walls to quest for more Darkspawn. There was none. She stumbled over to Alistair who was lying on his back trying to regain his breath, and reached out a hand to help him to his feet.

"We'll make a good team yet, you and I." He panted, smiling despite his obvious exhaustion, taking the offered hand. Elissa returned the grin. His hand felt as always, warm, hard, and yet different somehow. Was that because she suddenly was reluctant to let it go? With an effort she manged to compose herself enough to incline her head coolly at the compliment.

"I'll take your word for it."

Without letting go off her hand he bent closer to regarded her intently, his other hand came up, Elissa held her breath.

A look of anxiety passed across his eyes. "Are you sure you're all right? There's quite a lot of Darkspawn all over your face you know."

There! If the moment had even existed it was definitely gone now!


	22. Chapter 22

**A note: **One of my favorite things in life is taking a steam bath. Had to add it! If you're really hard-core you throw yourself into a hole made in the ice of a lake or the sea at intervals. Be sure your heart is in good condition before..., and yes the birch switches are used sometimes, despite Alistair's suspicions.

**Disclaimers: **Same as always**  
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><p><strong>Girls gossip<strong>

One cold and dirty week later a stroke of luck found the group near a small hamlet in the evening. It was an ideal place to stock up before the remaining trek to Orzammar, which promised to be even colder than near Haven. They had wiped out a rather large group of bandits a few days back. Elissa felt a twinge of guilt knowing that the money found was no more theirs than the bandits, the proper owners were probably dead. But as Zevran had pointed out they could always ask for forgiveness at the next chantry, and make a small donation, or better still make a direct donation to some of the lovely destitute young ladies at the next house of joy, not to burden the clerics overmuch.

The inn was rather rustic but equipped with a bath and steam-house which Morrigan had insisted the ladies should be the first to use, else she would prefer to turn into a cat and lick herself clean. The witch turned down the assassins offer of help, but not before weighing the decision over it seemed. Alistair quickly deferred saying the image called up almost made him go blind.

Sitting on the benches in the steam house, which some joker, a man surely, had carved with leering faces, Elissa felt layer after layer of grief and fatigue leave her together with the grit. The sweat pouring from their bodies seemed to clean them from the inside as well. The massive bottle of ale they had brought with them did the same to their minds.

"I wonder if the men will take turns scrubbing each others backs as well.' Elissa mused.

Leliana got a dreamy look in her eye." I would volunteer to do Sten's then, even if it would take me a week. I so love a well muscled back, and it doesn't get much better than that."

Elissa laughed. "That's the worst kept secret of the ages. Do you truly believe anyone failed to notice? You bleedin' walked smack into the altar at the end of the Gauntlet because you were so busy ogling Sten."

"I did nothing of the sort! Or if I did I was because I was in awe of Andraste." Leliana objected.

"That might have been true if Andraste was lodged somewhere in Stens midriff." Elissa pointed out, smiling around the neck of the bottle.

"You are a bad..., bad person Elissa!" Liliana spluttered, before trying to turn the tables. "And who are you to speak anyway. It sure wasn't me eating Alistair in plain view not so long ago."

"Oh please, according to Morrigan I had a crack in my skull the size of Zevran's ego. We are comrades, period! Guess that's for the best anyway, with us being Grey Wardens." Elissa took another deep swallow of ale.

"You think it's a Grey warden thing then? Do wardens take oaths of celibacy?" Leliana asked, reaching for the brew.

"Not that I know of. Feel free to open the subject with Alistair though. I'm sure he'll be pleased to no end answering questions like that concerning his manhood." Elissa let the irony drip from her voice.

"Ooo then I will be only too happy to!" Morrigan grinned wickedly.

"Anyway', Elissa burped, "If I would be interested in Alistair, and I'm not saying I am" Elissa glared at Leliana to drive the point home. "I get the feeling he already considers me a bit of a slut, having been with Zevran and all. "

"Truly I cannot imagine why any of you should waste a moment of your time on the Templar." The way Morrigan said Templar clearly indicated that it was a dirty word.

"Have you talked to him about it?" Leliana asked. "I think Alistair is the kind of man that does not understand much of the subtleties in these matters."

Morrigan snorted, mimicking Leliana "I think Alistair is the kind of man who can not even figure out which boot goes on which foot. And that would be on one of his good days."

Elissa could not help giggling before her mind took a darker turn. "_I could tell him that I love him I suppose. But what if I did and found out he doesn't? That would only feel slightly better than putting out the campfire with my face. Better leave thing as they were for the time being."_

"Well all I've gotten from Alistair lately is broken bones and a black eye. Thank you so much for not healing by the way, Morrigan."

"Oh really? Learn to duck or to hit him harder, preferably the latter. It's only a black eye, these things heal perfectly well by themselves. It's only your considerable vanity speaking." Morrigan discarded her with a wave of the hand.

Leliana was still stuck on the romance track. "Why do you think Alistair is not interested in you anyway? I'm sure I've seen him glancing at you when he thinks nobody notices."

"Surely you must be mistaken." Elissa passed the flask back to Morrigan.

"You're both daft. Clearly the only man worth bedding would be Zevran. Non-committal, professional and willing." The witch finished off the bottle with a contented smile.

"_I bet he is."_ Elissa thought darkly.

**Men have a discussion**

Yap, yap, yap. Alistair was trying to drown out Zevrans voice with more ale. Unfortunately it was so weak and vile he would never be able too.

They were sitting on wooden benches cunningly carved with smiling faces. They had all agreed that the carver had been a man with a good sense of humor. Alistair took a firm hold of his towel before rising to put more water on the hot coals. Holding his breath as the first blast of steam hit him in the face. Having blankly refused the assassins offer to scrub his back. The elf insisted that the bar maid, the pretty one naturally, had told him that striking each other with thin birch branches was the only true way to enjoy a steam bath in the Frostfangs. Did the Zevran really think he would fall for a lie that far fetched, sounded more like some sick rite they thought up in Antiva when they were bored by other ways of depravity.

Settling back gingerly with his back against the wall Alistair closed his eyes and tried to relax. As he already knew, and to his annoyance, his thoughts kept circling back to his fellow warden like wasps around a sweet drink.

By the way Elissa had avoided him since Andraste's temple it had been very clear to him that the time she had kissed him had been an incident caused by brain trauma -even before she had so kindly pointed it out. Whatever Morrigan's opinion, he was not that thick. He did not believe for one instant that Elissa suddenly found it impossible to lower her walls enough to practice Templar abilities anymore either. She had her own reasons not to, that's all.

At times he had caught her regarding him with an intent gaze that made him wonder if he had dirt on his face or a hole in his pants. In any case, it was bloody uncomfortable. The assassin suddenly said something that made him prick his ears. It had been something about taking one's joy where it could be found and not worry so much about the consequences. But he knew that was not his style. He seemed to always be doomed to mull over the possible disadvantages of events that had not even happened. At the same time always wishing for things that were as unreachable as the stars.

"And what would be your opinion, my fine Warden? Our rather dour fellow is not much inclined to answer at the moment." Zervran's voice snapped him out of his thoughts.

"Uh, what about?" He asked carefully.

"What about? What about? The most important thing in the world! You are both men I assume, and somewhat interested in the opposite sex? The alluring bodies of our female companions of course!"

"I don't think it's proper subject of discussion." Alistair immediately objected.

The assassin threw up his arms in exasperation. "And why not? They have been discussing us for the last half hour."

"How do you know that? Oh, Why?"

"Because we are such formidable examples of the male sex naturally!"

Alistair certainly did NOT want to ask, but the elf's smirk told him he would have to. "So what did they say?"

"Oh nothing very original, Morrigan hates you, but likes me. Leliana can't keep her eyes of Sten but thinks you have a nice personality..."

"And Elissa."

Zevran regarded him as if considering what to say. "Oh, I didn't quite catch that. The little barmaid returned, and she was most insistent."

Was the elf lying? Possibly? Could she had said something positive about him? Or something so bad even the assassin hesitated relay it?

"But as for my original question." the assassin continued. "Shall we start with, say, the biggest bosom. I would think Lelia -aiiiiiiiii!"

"Sorry, didn't see you, you're quite small." Sten called after the elf as Zevran fled outside to cool the nasty burns from the hot coals the Qunari had crowded him into. Alistair winced in sympathy, that was not a nice place for a man to get burnt. He carefully let Sten exit the steam house before him. Silently thanking the Maker for the almost complete halt his brain had run to at the assassins query.


	23. Chapter 23

**A Note:** Two long chapters in a row. I think I'm getting the hang of it! :-) Our friends have now reached the fabled Kingdom of Orzammar. One of the best parts of the game, I hope to be able to do it credit. Thank you all for reads & reviews, makes my day. Any mistakes are as usual my own. I always come up with something more I want to squeeze in after all the effort of my Beta. Whom I am, as always, indebted to.

**Disclaimers:** ...no.

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><p><strong>Orzammar<strong>

For once he was lying on a real bed instead of the cold ground while having sharp objects retracted from his body before being stitched up. The comfort was the curtsy of the Dwarven Lord Harrowmont whose bid for the throne they had finally decided to back. A decision they almost regretted when the dwarf Noble proved to be careful to the point of lunacy, refusing even to meet them in person before they had agreed to fight for his team in a kind of popular blood sport for the masses called The Proving.

Alistair had stepped hard on Elissa's foot before she could open her mouth, while replying.

"If this is what needs to be done. I'll do it."

Truth be told he was almost grateful at being given this opportunity to went his frustration in action, always worked for him in the past. It might be he got a bit more than he bargained for this time. The dwarves may be short and stocky, but they were formidable warriors. Well, he had finally bested them all, lord Harrowmont had received them, and he was still alive, wasn't he!

Elissa had just dug out two arrowheads, one from his shoulder, and one from the back of his knee. The last had been pretty awful pain-wise, but nothing compared to the discomfort sword-cut across his hip that she had started stitching right now. Her hands seemed to trace paths of fire against the skin, and the feel of her breath as she leaned close to insert the needle. He could not bear it any more. He thrashed away from her hands.

"Is it that painful? Strange, must be some splinter left then. I'm sorry, I'll have to dig in one more time." Frowning Elissa adjusted the candles, before she could touch him Alistair jerked the blanket up over his body.

"No, no it's not, it's fine. Leave it,I'm just tired really." Realizing that he must sound like an ungrateful idiot he added. "I just need some rest, that's all." The bare memory of her hands exploring his lower belly sent fresh stabs of desire though him. Turning his back at her he tried to envision cold, painful, disgusting things.

"As you wish. Morrigan should be here shortly." Elissa answered in a hesitant tone.

Morrigan, yes, thinking of the witch's was exactly what he needed right now. He held on to the image while slowly his pulse returned to normal. Behind him he could hear Elissa assembling the few but effective tools she had been using, before saying with some irritation.,

"In fact, she should have been here long ago. Zevran wasn't _that _injured."

Carefully he sat up on the edge of the bed so he could see her face. He had expected her to seem sad or possibly angry, but found only traces of amusement there. He saw that she was holding a thin metal thong into the flames, before wiping it clean. Suddenly noticing that he was regarding her she pointed accusingly in his direction.

"And since you're still awake. Whatever possessed you to do something as idiotic as agreeing to this Proving anyway? You deserve to be dead this very moment for that inspired piece of insanity."

"It must have taken formidable restraint for you not to shout that out loud for the entire Arena to hear." he blurted, taken aback at her scolding.

She ducked her head acknowledging the hit, he was starting to know her all to well. "Since you've become so bloody observant you'll have noticed I didn't even say I told you so, when we arrived to Orzammar two weeks to late to get the approval of their king." Elissa objected.

"I have. It was very considerate, and totally unlike you." He kicked himself mentally. _Why did he have to say something stupid like that? _Now he had just confirmed that he was a thoughtless clod. _Now _she was hurt, he could tell. Struggling to change the subject he said.

"But Orzammar itself. I find the place strangely attractive, how about you?" What he had wanted to say was, I find you enormously attractive. Do you ever think you might feel the same way about me?, he knew he never would gather the courage to.

Elissa finished storing the instruments. "Yes, me too. To tell the truth I did not believe the stories Leliana told about how the Dwarven cities were always warm, even in the dead of winter. But having seen it. The dwarves are very clever using the natural lava flows to light and heat every part of their underground kingdom. And the wonderful craftsmanship of the pillars and bridges. It's simply stunning. I feel like a richer person for having witnessed such a thing." she seemed lost in thought, before recovering "Hey, there's even a naturally heated bath in every room. I will take full advantage of mine soon. I can't even remember the last time I had a tub all to myself. When Morrigan has closed your wounds I suggest you do the same."

Was that a hidden insult of some kind? Did he stink? He didn't dwell on it, he still had some trouble with the image of Elissa in a bath, lathering herself. He startled as she tapped him on his arm.

"Hello! Is there anyone there? You seem really out of sorts today. Before I leave I want to return something of your's." Alistair was immediately apprehensive. _"What could that be? A dirty sock? His peace of mind?" _

"The Arlessa gave this to me, she wanted you to have it. For saving her son and husband" She held out a small medallion.

His hand was trembling as he took it, regarding it closely. "It looks like the one my mother used to have, the one I threw at the wall." He could still remember that day vividly. His rage, the Arls stern face, the smirk on the Arlessa's.

"That's what Isolde said it was." Elissa confirmed.

"It was shattered, but this looks mended all right. Did the Arl do that?" he had not meant to voice his hopes aloud.

Elissa got up. "I didn't get the details exactly. I think you should focus on the fact that Isolde wanted to thank you, and in some way I think, repent."

He turned the medallion over in his hand. Realigning his mind concerning the Arlessa was no easy task, he needed more time for that one. Almost reverently Alistair slipped the medallion over his head.

Trying to twist the turmoil in his head into humor, he said. "So, are we married now?"

"Pff, did they teach you nothing at the chantry." Elissa grinned at him as if relieved that the uncomfortable moment was over. "You have to give me flowers and a kiss first, then we are married!"

"We're underground!" He protested "Would not a toad-stool suffice?"

"Surely you're joking!" She pretended to be deeply offended by the suggestion. "Flowers, preferably roses."

They both jumped as the door suddenly flew up.

"Ah there you are!" Morrigan opened the door without as much as a token knock. "I hope the Templar is stitched up tighter than an old tunic by now, I hate to waste more energy then absolutely necessary."

Elissa went to the the door. "Really, sometimes it would do you some good to remember that 'The Templar' sometimes is what stands before you and a certain death."

"Really? I have a feeling it's the other way around as well." the witch was not impressed.

Elissa shrugged. There was no getting Morrigan's to feel any differently towards Alistair, that was clear. "Well do your best effort. I have a feeling 'Lord Coward' will need more 'proof of loyalty' before committing to our cause. There will be some rough spots in front of us the next days I reckon. Good night, both of you."

Inclining her head at the pair she retreated, the last thing she heard was the sound of Morrigan's purring voice. Alistair was rather lucky, the witch must be in one of her best moods. "So Templar, what parts have you messed up this time? Not your head I hope, there is nothing there to fix, sadly."

As Elissa sank down in her bath she gave an involuntary groan of pleasure. She reached out for one of the small crystal flagons sniffing it carefully, you never knew what scents was pleasing to underground dwellers, stale beer, nug musk? To her surprise it was something extraordinary spicy and fresh. She let a good part of the content into the warm water. Laying back she tried to empty her mind the way Alistair had tried to teach her. As she had suspected it was no good. She could only too well remember the silky feel of his skin against her hand, and the way his eyes had caught the firelight turning them to gold.

Elissa knew with regret the exact moment when her heart finally left her body. Two new dwarwen warriors had been advancing towards Alistair who straightened wiping the blood from his mouth before raising his sword in salute with that peculiar half smile of his, donned every time he was offering up his life. She had felt it fluttering across the bloody stone floor to lodge in a place where it could not possibly find neither home nor welcome. And yet, she had the strongest feeling that sometimes his words and actions had double meanings.

Getting increasingly better at self-scrutiny Elissa knew she would not be able to hide her feelings very long, she would be compelled to confront him with them sooner or later, probably at the the worst possible moment. Then she smiled inwardly. This was the kingdom of the dwarves, the home of the strongest alcohol in the known world, maybe she could get him drunk? In that case they could both save face in case there was no common ground to be found. Yes, that was an excellent idea. Pleased with herself she sank her head below the surface. This was today, let tomorrow would carry it's own sorrow.

To do Elissa credit, that was quite a sound plan. There was really no way she could have known it would blow up in her face.


	24. Chapter 24

**A note:** So, here we all are at the Tapsters. I bid you all welcome, why don't you all have a special on the house! Love to my beta, kisses to my reviewers, hugs to my 'likes'. It's getting late. I will stop now before I start rambling. Please enjoy!

**Disclaimer:** I don't even have the energy to bother.

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><p>Alistair raised his hand to signal one of the waiters at Tapsters for another drought.<p>

They had decided to get a few days rest before heading down the Deep Roads in search for a Paragon. Alistair hadn't caught on to all the details but some technicality of the Dwarwen assembly made the only certain way to get Harrowmont king was to have the support of one.

Typically the only live one was lost in the Deep roads since two years. On the positive side they had found a guide, the Paragons husband. On the negative, he seemed to be constantly drunk. There was no way now to change allegiance. Supporters of the other pretender for the throne seemed to pop out of thin air to get a chance to stab at them. And as Elissa had so aptly put it. "Harrowmont may be a wimp, but he'll be our wimp."

Preparing for the journey would take a few days, and when Elissa suggested they all have a night out for once he readily agreed. If even a quarter of the dwarfs tall tales were true they were in for a rough ride indeed. He knew something of the place as well, from his time with the Wardens.

At the far end of the table Leliana, Elissa, Morrigan, and Zevran were playing a dice game of some sort. Which seemingly included getting to kiss or be kissed on different parts of their anatomy depending on the dice or paying coin for penalty if refusing either. He bet his rear it was an Antivan game.

He had stiffly refused their invitation to join, Elissa had even asked him twice. Morrigan could be sure to rig the game to his absolute disadvantage. Make sure he would get to kiss her feet or something. He was kind of regretting it now. At his end of the table there were only himself Oghren and Sten. Sten was mostly glaring at the players and Oghren was mostly complaining about his wife or was it ex-wife, he could never get that completely clear. He could see Elissa once more beckoning him to join, he shook his head, she was mouthing something that seemed to be' later' or possibly 'loser' he nodded uncertainly. The dwarf was tugging at his arm, distracting him.

"Y know, Y should get a girl of u'r own. Get it out of the system." At his side Oghren belched. "But what y do, never, NEVER, get married.

"I'll try to avoid it." he toasted the dwarf. Sten huffed. Alistair realized that he had never asked the Qunari if he had a wife, or children, or anything personal really. Sten was not a very inviting person. He had to ask now anyway. "Sten, are you married?"

Sten glared at him. "Unlike the dwarf, I am no fool!." Well that settles that then, Alistair thought grimly.

He shifted, the benches were made of stone like everything else here in the dwarven kingdom. Stone and metal, even doors who at first glance seemed to be made of wood proved to be stone, cunningly crafted in imitation. Why would they do that anyway, subconscious longing for the exotics of the outside. Sure made it hard to kick in doors in this place, you had to give em that.

"Y should lighten up, find yourself a girl, a Wo-man." Oghren added helpfully as if to ensure that he had got the female part right. He was grabbing Alistair's shoulder speaking as if to an imbecile, leaning in close enough to shower him with spittle at the finale.

"We are not seriously having this conversation, are we?" Wiping his face with his sleeve Alistair glanced back at the players. To the sound of applause Elissa was just raising Leliana's tunic to plant a kiss on her lower back. Quickly Alistair turned his eyes elsewhere. Andraste's tits, what was wrong with him? He could feel Elissa's lips on his own back, like burning magma. He emptied his mug again, without even noticing. As if called from the fade suddenly Elissa materialized at his side. "Oh do come, join us please, It will be much more fun if you do."

Fun for who? Not him certainly. "I said no and I meant it." He shook his head. The only consistent thing about Elissa was her inconsistency. She gave him a queer look and in a short while returned to hand him a small glass of something she insisted was the Tapster special, promising to return in a while. He could not quite decide if he considered that a promise or a threat at the moment. He sniffed the glass, tears rose in his eyes. Deciding the only way to get the vile stuff down was to take it all in one drought he did. The dwarf clapped him on the back as he doubled over with coughing, regarding Elissa as she left them another thought suddenly seemed to strike the dwarf.

"Soo, What do you do with her legs?"

"Her legs?" Alistair was perplexed by the question.

"Yes, her legs. Do you just throw them at the side or is there some way to use them as, eh, accessories?

Alistair regarded Oghren with disbelief. "Why don't you take your wretched question to someone who might consider answering, like the bleedin' Elf over there?"

The dwarf sadly shook his head. "Yep, I though as much. I can smell purity a mile away, almost thought I'd lost it, but here it is, right beside me." A new thread of thought seemed to dawn in Oghrens mind. He indicated the bar with a broad sweep of the arm.

"Ye look at all them, eh...ladies at the bar tryin' t get u'r attention. U'r the soddin' proving champion, a whchacall it on the surface, ...a hero. U could have any of them, or all. Eh, eh, right there on the table. Preferably here, eh, eh, wouldn't even have to move to get a good view."

Alistair blinked. Now that was a truly disturbing thought. "Surely you jest?"

The dwarf did not seem to have heard him though, being to preoccupied with his own visions. "Yep, you wouldn't even have to worry about getting their legs out of the way. These girls know their business. The redhead there, he, he, comes with my personal recommendation. Clean to, ..or at least she was." the dwarf added as a afterthought.

Alistair quickly shook his head to clear it before turning an angry glare at Oghren. "Why don't you join the game instead of harassing me? I'd say it was right up you alley."

The dwarf called for more Ale before answering. "Nope t'would distract me from drinking. I'm as you sadly, I prefer to watch."

Alistair angrily tipped off the serving girl, ordering another. "I havn't known you for more than a day, and I already hate you."

"Don't make me feel sentimental. You sound just like my wife."

Alistair drank deep. The dwarf was certainly a lecher, but maybe he was right. Maybe it was sound advice for him to finally get a woman. The problem being that the only woman he wanted was Elissa. Hard headed, nerve wracking, disturbing Elissa. It had been that way ever since the dragon. And her only comment on that has been that she was sorry she kissed him. Alistair raked his hand through the hair on his forehead. Where did all this reminisces come from? Was he getting maudlin or drunk, or both? Alistair had registered that Elissa and Zevran had been falling out, he was not blind, but that was surely only temporary anyway.

Maybe he should speak to her. How about, I feel like my head is about to explode and I can't think straight when I'm around you. Elissa would probably just look down her nose and laugh. Alistair you can't think straight -period! No, he was nowhere drunk enough to make a mistake of that magnitude -yet.

En-wrapped as he was in his own thoughts he had not noticed the diminutive figure that had settled beside him. He started when he heard the voice. "Do you mind me saying that you are a far to handsome man to be drinking alone." His head swam and he was suddenly finding it hard to focus.

"Alone? I'm not alone. I'm with my friends here." Just as he was about to indicate Sten and Oghren he realized that the Qunari had left and the dwarf had slipped to the floor and was happily snoring away in a pool of yellow liquid. Blessed Maker, let it be beer. The small woman at his side raised an eyebrow in inquiry. At a loss for what to do he pushed his mug towards her almost overturning it in the process. The dwarf took a dainty drink looking him straight in the eye. She was quite pretty and her curves were almost trying to escape her dress in exactly the right places. "Seems your friends are gone, or..." she indicated the activities at the end of the table where Zevran right now was trying to get inside Elissa's skirt. Elissa was wearing a skirt? She was protesting but that was surely just for show. "...will not be missing you much."

"Apparently so." Angrily Alistair turned away from the sight, he felt sick.

"I on the other hand." the dwarf continued laying her hand on his knee, as if by accident. "I could find many uses for a big strong man as yourself, and my home is not far." He could tell she was looking up at him expecting an answer. In the background, as if from far away he could hear Elissa laughing huskily. "Well, how about it?" The woman drew her hand slowly up the inside of his thigh.

Alistair blinked, his sight was starting to play tricks on him, how many dwarf women was there actually? Finishing the ale he answered. "Why bleedin' not?"


	25. Chapter 25

**A Note:** The road goes ever on and on (Bilbo Baggins) The more I think about it , the more I'm certain I will have it as an epitaph. The pace will slow down for a bit now. Can't drop a bomb like last chapter every time ;-) Thank you all for reading, reviewing, and especially betaing.

**Disclaimer:** Is this really necessary? All right! I do NOT own Bioware. Nor claim any credit for the characters.

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><p>"Well, thank you so much for letting us pass. I'm sure the deep roads will be crowded with visitors, being rumored to be such a delightful place." Elissa realized the irony was completely wasted on the dwarf commander guarding the entrance.<p>

The deep roads where Wardens go to die when the time came. Like in the stories of the huge gray animals in the south. Well not herself! She would likely be dead long before her time. She angrily signaled to her companions to follow. Alistair was trailing at the end of the group, barely capable of putting one foot in front of the other.

"Right or left?" she asked Oghren.

"Eh left! eh, I think. It was many mugs ago u see..." the disgusting creature burped.

_"Great! the only person available to guide us through the depths was a dwarf alcoholic. Alistair really had a knack for choosing a competent guide. Was it a possibly a relative of the dwarf slut he had disappeared with? And she seemed to be leading the company for the moment. If this was not a sign of desperation what was?" _

As they headed down the dark tunnels Elissa tried to keep the images of Alistair and the pretty dwarf waitress out of her mind. _"The bastard! And just when she had decided to throw caution to the wind and confess that she was in love with him." _

She should actually be relieved that she hadn't had the chance since clearly Alistair preferred something more exotic, undemanding and smaller, but she wasn't, she was furious! Furious at Alistair, eager to sink her axe into the pretty, big bosomed, dirty, size impaired bitch , but most of all she was mad at herself. _"How could she have misjudged the situation that badly? "_

When she had finally worked up her courage, boosted perhaps a bit too much by the strong dwarven ale, he had already left. It was Morrigan, who else, who had noticed. And the witch had not hesitated to inform her that he had not left alone, and in what manner of company.

When Alistair had not returned to Harrowmont's estate the next morning even Zevran had had the good sense not to open his trap, instead finding his nails intriguing. In reply to Leliana's careful question if they should not search for him Elissa had hissed. "Let him rot!" before slamming the door to her room. Where she had spent half the time worrying Alistair might be dead and the other half imagining him together with the dwarf slut, fantasizing about creative ways to kill them both. He had shown up without as much as a bye-your-leave somewhere in the night before their expedition down the Deep roads.

With grim satisfaction she saw her fellow warden pause to throw up at the side of the road. His face had a greenish color. Served him right. She urged the party to increase the pace.

As the day was drawing to an end, there was no way to tell really, except from one's bones, A shout from Leliana woke her from her current angry reverie. A bunch of Behlen's followers had been lying in wait to ambush them. Elissa let the anger she felt towards Alistair fuel her, there was an endless fount to draw from at the moment. Smiling she unhooked her axe. "Welcome!" was all she said before sprinting ahead of the others.

"She's a bloody berserker!" Oghren exclaimed in delight. "Who would have thought it? Dainty little thing like her." before setting off after her.

It was not until the battle was over that Elissa seemed to notice the blood flowing down her chest and legs for the first time.

"Oh Is all this mine?" she smiled at Alistair. "And why the sour face, that was so much fun! Ow, what are you doing?" she protested as the Templar hefted her in his arms.

"What's wrong with you? You're bleeding like a stuck pig, your leg is broken and you're asking me what I'm doing?" anxiety leaked from him.

"Surely not? Don't you think I would have felt..." glancing down at her legs Elissa saw something large, white and glistening sticking out from her thigh. She looked at it in fascination. "Hey! Aren't those things supposed to be on the inside?"

"Don't touch it for pity's sake!" He head butted her to get her attention. "Morrigan!"

As Morrigan patched her up afterwards Elissa sat in dreamy silence as Alistair shouted down at her.

"Don't you pull a stunt like that again. Ever!" He was shaking her as he said this as if by doing so would make the instruction lodge more firmly in her mind.

"As much as I hate to agree with the Templar, he is correct. You were very lucky this time, the cut was not deep but you'll be weak from loss of blood. The leg will mend in a day or two if you put no weight on it, was at least a clean break." the witch shook her head. "I can not replenish my potions down here. Consider yourself warned."

"Sure, I've got it. No problem." Elissa answered, still feeling light headed and strangely cut off from the normal world. She understood them both just fine, she just couldn't be bothered. She was still longing for a throat to cut or a skull to crush. Nothing else mattered. She quested out with the taint searching for something to kill.

Shaking his head Alistair said. "We'll camp here."

Later when Elissa felt her head clearing from the mists of rage she was embarrassed. She was having second thoughts concerning the entire berserker thing. It was giving her an incredible focus, true, but left her unfeeling of any wound sustained during that time. She was totally dependent on a competent healer even if she cut a path of death through the enemies. She was also a liability to her companions, running off like that, totally out of control. She had to learn to harness this ability and, ugh, the only one to teach her was the evil smelling, cross eyed dwarf. And now Alistair was telling her she had been trying to connect to the horde. Of which she had no memory whatsoever. She was definitely a freak. A miserable, jealous undesirable freak.

She drew the blanket up over her head to hide her tears. She felt Alistair's presence before he even came close, small surprise, he was always the compassionate one. She felt only annoyance, At this point, she certainly did not want to show herself weak.

"Just let me be." She spoke through the cloth.

"I can't do that and you know it." He sat down beside her, though at a respectable distance. "Are you still in pain?" She wanted to scream. _Yes I am! And it's your bloody fault!_ She bit the inside of her cheek instead.

"A bit. Please go away."

"I would like to talk to you. About ...things." he sounded almost afraid._ "What did he want now? Ask her for bedroom tips? Here's one, twist her little head around three times. No I assure you! It is most pleasant._

"Elissa, are you crying?"

"NO, I'm trying not to throw up on you! Will you leave me alone for Blights sake!" That got him on his feet all right.

"Are you sure?" She just waved her hand to indicate the direction in which he should leave. She wanted to be alone with her thoughts. The blast of berserker gang had given her outlet for her fury with her fellow Warden, but had unmercifully left her with the knowledge that she still loved him. Her leg hurt, her heart was broken, she was hungry again. Life was a bitch!

She was fast asleep by the time Alistair returned to her side. Carefully he drew the blanket up around her shoulders before settling himself on his watch. When he was sure everyone else was asleep he carefully, almost reverently, reached out to stroke the wayward lengths of hair out of Elissa's face.

As they slowly advanced through the lava lit tunnels Elissa made a conscious effort to try learning something of value from the rather repulsive dwarf, to take her mind of all the what-if's concerning Alistair if nothing else. Between the belches, curses and general leering she understood as much as that rage was the key to set of a berserker, and that she had figured out by herself already. What she needed to know was how to hit the brakes. Oghren seemed perplexed by the notion, and preceded blightly to try and push his hand down her neckline. Disgusted Elissa slapped his face and left.

They had found an abandoned campsite which unexpectedly hosted another dwarf, the darkspawn-flesh-eating kind. Well she was the darkspawn-blood-drinking kind. No problem there. He was almost family.


	26. Chapter 26

**A note:** Aah the Deep Roads. Always a favorite in the game. Readers and reviewers, I salute you. Hope you'll enjoy.

**Disclaimer:** -

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><p>"What would you lovely ladies say was more becoming? Spider venom purple, or Shierk gut blue?" Zevran held out his armor for inspection before the tiny fire.<p>

"Oh, definitely the purple, goes well with the color of your eyes." Leliana seemed to take the question seriously, Elissa giggled, the Elf was too rich sometimes.

"And for you Oghren, keep the Ogre blood, matches the color of your face." she added, turning to the dwarf.

"Eh, whatcha mean. I never wash myself! Eh, might have misstepped a time or two and fallen in a puddle, but that doesn't count! I'm no sissy like the friggin' bat-ear." The dwarf objected.

That was true enough. The only clean thing about Ohgren was his huge axe. He was getting a bit rank downwind, even by their current standard.

"Did you know we would run into the Legion of the Dead down here?" Elissa asked the dwarf.

"Not exactly. Never paid much attention to their whereabouts." The Berserker nodded as if falling asleep.

Unexpectedly Sten spoke up. "I have the greatest respect for the Legion. I did not know such honor existed amongst dwarves. Sadly I seem to have judged them all after our companion here."

"Honor my ass." the dwarf suddenly came alive. "What's down here to hump? Darkspawn? The occasional nug? And nothing to drink! Soddin' moss-lickers all! That's what drives them mad, the little Pike-twirler should sign up. They're all sober and horny. No wonder they want to die! "

Elissa laughed despite herself, the dwarf was too rich. "Oghren, is there room for anything else between your ears besides thoughts of lechery and alcohol?"

"You mean now? Nope."

"You have excellent taste, my brave little friend." Zevran reached out to clap the dwarf in the back, before turning his eyes towards the back of the cave. "I think our good Templar is returning. Let's hear the latest bad news."

The Elf's hearing was extraordinary. It took Elissa several moments to make out the sound of Alistair's approach. He had made a short foray down one of the tunnels to try to determine which way they would take tomorrow. Unexpectedly he had selected Morrigan to accompany him. The witch immediately disappeared inside her tent with her book while Alistair joined them near the fire. Elissa could tell he was dejected and tactfully waited for him to speak.

"There's Darkspawn in every direction from here. In animal form Morrigan thought she could catch traces of dwarves, but was unable to determine how old they were." He sighed. "The main tunnel seem to be the best, but also the most crowded, and there's some strange tissue growing on the walls I don't like the look of." his voice trailed of.

"Well, I've waited two sodding years to get to my wife, and I'm not letting a little skin decoration stop me!" Oghren stated.

Alistair nodded absently as he reached for some of the dried rations Lord Harrowmont had supplied them with. He let the banter of the others wash around him without paying attention.

His senses seemed to be constantly overwhelmed down here. The massive Darkspawn input, the fierce battles, the sudden waves of sorrow, mingled with something he would have judged to be jealous had he not known better, leaking from Elissa as she lost her walls in fight, all served to sap at his strength. .

He had noticed that the dwarf had regarded him strangely at his return, shaking his head in disappointment. Well, that was his bloody business wasn't it? He certainly did not need any more useless advice from that direction. And as for Elissa being a berserker, he really should have figured that out long ago. He had heard about it, but not actually met anyone with the ability before. He sincerely hoped he had been able to drum into her thick skull to keep that to a minimum. It was all right for someone of Oghren's constitution and skill to charge right into the enemy, for Elissa it was almost like suicide. She seemed to have understood, and had actually spent time with the dwarf to learn to master the finer points. If such even existed, Alistair was not totally convinced.

The last few days Elissa had seemed much subdued, surely she was feeling the pressure as well. Last night she had even sat beside him, not saying a word, which was actually a blessing. But at the same time seeming to draw comfort from his presence. He knew the feeling, the dark dreams were much more vivid down here. It was sometimes difficult to separate them from reality, or Warden from Darkspawn. He had wanted so bad to place an arm around her, at the very least, but that would have been like breaking the fragile peace, so he had desisted.

His mind returned to the Dead Trenches. He had felt every pore in his body opening to release cold sweat as they approached. Advancing slowly towards the edge of the cliff while his entire body was screaming_ "Nooo!" _was one of the hardest things he had ever done.

Leaning over he had seen a legion of Darkspawn crawling like maggots in rotten flesh at the bottom of the ravine. The sight had sickened him. He had had an instants warning before the huge body launched itself skywards just in front of them. There was no doubt! That was the vision from his nightmares. The Arch Demon. At the sight of the beast he had felt his own insignificance and the hopelessness of their mission like a stab of a blade. When Elissa grabbed his arm she had startled him so bad he had to catch himself else he would have fallen.

"Don't you dare underestimate yourself, and don't you dare to doubt me!" she had whispered unexpectedly gently drying away the tears having found their way down his cheeks with her thumbs. "Enough of that! This baby is going down! We have done it before and we'll do it again. It's like learning to swim, right!"

He had no reply but she seemed to take his silence for affirmation. _"Maybe she was insane, but even as all the rational parts of his brain cried out in protest he found himself wanting to believe her. And what did that make him? When had the balance shifted so that she was now trying to support him?"_ He searched the flames for answers, finding none.

As Elissa bedded down she could see Alistair's profile clearly outlined by the fire. They had agreed that one of them should be awake at all times with Darkspawn always in the vicinity. He seemed sad and tired. She felt the so familiar stab of jealousy. Perhaps he was thinking of the woman he had left in Orzammar. In the unfair ways of love it was not before the object suddenly was out of reach your eyes were fully opened, Elissa thought.

When he shook her out of the dark dreams for what seemed only a few heartbeats after she had closed her eyes, she only nodded to him that he take her place. There was not much rest to be found after facing the Dragon. When she was sure he was asleep, which didn't take very long, she carefully leaned her back against his, letting the slow, steady rhythm of his breathing calm her. She had not entirely forgiven him, but she could not stop loving him either, however much she tried. The dwarf slut was far away. In the Deep Roads he was entirely hers.


	27. Chapter 27

**A note:** So this is the day when Elissa finally emerges from the closet. It won't do her much good unfortunately, except perhaps as a lesson in the obvious dangers of holding back too long. But she deserves some credit for finally spilling the beans at least!

Beta, reviewers & readers. You make my day! :-D

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><p><em>The 9th day she grins and devour her kins.<em> The voice of the tainted dwarf woman seemed to constantly echo in Elissa's mind.

_Now she does feast as she becomes the beast. _It might as well have been her instead of this Laryn. She was tainted herself already, what better vessel for the Darkspawn. She crumbled. Maker protect me, somebody help me, Andraste, Alistair. She was only half aware of her surroundings and trembling in every muscle before they entered the lair of the Broodmother.

_That's why they need us, that's why they feed us. Betrayal!_ That was the beast? Right! She was going to die. Ever since she heard Hespith's recitation the first time the certainty had begun to take root. But before she was ready to face The Maker she needed to wipe her slate clean. The sight of the transformed dwarf monster had hit her in the chest like a javelin.

While she was still standing gaping at the creature she took a beating from one of the tentacles, throwing her into the wall. Getting to her feet while spitting blood Elissa grabbed hold of Alistair's arm to assure she had his full attention.

"I have a truly bad feeling about this one." she began carefully. "Before we continue I really need to tell you that if I have been a bitch lately it is not your fault. It's because I've been so bleeding jealous." The words were crowding themselves to get out now. "You're perfect! More than perfect, don't change anything, please.. I know you don't love me but I love you!" she stuttered to a halt. She truly wished she could have expressed that better but there it was, now she had said it. There was no turning back. Since they were likely to perish within moments she didn't regret it one bit.

Alistair swerved round regarding her with an incredulous stare. "There cannot possibly be another person alive with a worse sense of timing!"

"I'm sorry about that! But how was I supposed to know we were about to die right now, fool!" she challenged him.

Alistair pointed his sword at her while dancing away to avoid being hit by quarrels.

"We _will_ speak later. And believe me Elissa! You're _not_ going to dodge this one." Luckily he had to stop his lecture at that to evade a tentacle.

"Yes Alistair." Elissa said meekly. As if that would ever happen. She wanted him to remember her as a loving and gentle person, therefore she smiled sweetly before scrambling for her axe which she had dropped. She felt as if a great burden had passed from her shoulders.

They both threw themselves into the melee. Elissa carefully avoided getting herself in a state where her berserker ability would kick in. After what seemed an eternity of slashing, stabbing and hacking she was once more dashed against the wall. She got to her feet with her breath sobbing from her lungs. There was no visible sign that the monster was more than inconvenienced. Glancing around while trying to catch her breath Elissa noticed that Alistair had gone to his knees, her heart skipped a beat when instead of straightening he slowly, almost gracefully, fell to the ground.

Alistair would have supposed being run through with a sword would hurt much worse. As it was he had not even realized it until he felt a wave of dizziness. Glancing down he saw a jagged blade sticking out of his ribcage. He swayed, steadying himself with one hand to the ground. If it was indeed his own blood running down the edge where was the pain? As suddenly as the blade had emerged it was withdrawn, the sound of a heavy body hitting the ground behind him reached his ears before a new wave of weakness hit him and the world went black.

"Heal him, heal him now!" Elissa shouted at Morrigan, before launching herself forward. She saw Oghren and Sten hacking at a forest of tentacles, trying to clear a path to the bloated monster that had once, presumably, been a female dwarf. But for every slimy appendage going down, another seemed to rise from the ground. They were beset from behind as well, waves of Darkspawn were emerging as if from nowhere. This could not hold for long.

"Aim at the head, only the head" Elissa called to Leliana, even as she knew the sister did not need instructions from her. When no arrows were coming she turned towards the Bard to see that she was down to knives now, back to back with Zevran. They were completely surrounded. Elissa gnashed her teeth in frustration, with a gesture of pure desperation she used both arms to throw her axe over her head towards the monstrosity with all the strength left in her. She watched with astonishment as the axe took one, two, three perfect circles before embedding itself between the eyes of the beast with a sound more wet than hard. The tentacles gave a final frenzy as if rejecting death before sinking back into the ground. Elissa could only stare with disbelief at her success. She was not the only one. She noticed Oghren give the monster a few extra whacks just in case.

Ignoring the few remaining Darkspawn Elissa raced over to where Morrigan was sitting bent over Alistair's body, magic was flowing from the shapeshifter's hands and sweat was pouring down her face.

The witch struggled to speak. "I've done everything in my power but the blood loss is great and there is poison as well, many vital organs have been pierced." This was bad, really bad then. Elissa could see him drawing short labored breaths at the top of his lungs, at least he was still alive.

Elissa fell down to grasp his head. "Don't you dare die on me. If you do, I'll kill you myself!"

His eyes did not open but Elissa saw a shadow of a smile on his lips. "Oh Elissa, that kind of logic is so you."

As if he had used up his last reserve with that statement his entire body went limp as if a great cord holding him together had suddenly snapped. His head fell slightly to the side. She sank down on his still warm chest letting her tears flow while willing his heart to continue beating. Elissa was finally drawn from her grief by the sound of her companions arguing. Except for Leliana who sat next to her tears running freely down her face. With dread she realized they were waiting for her to make the final decisions in her fellow Warden's place.

Gritting her teeth while slapping away her tears with the back of her hand Elissa turned to Morrigan. "Pump him full of whatever you've got, and then more! We must get moving, more darkspawn will surly be drawn by the death of their monster-mother." She indicated a small tunnel leading up behind the bloated corpse. "We can hold them off there if need be. Zevran, you scout in front, Oghren, you pick up the rear. Sten, you carry Alistair."

Elissa had half expected everyone to start objecting and was almost stunned out of action when Sten bent and surprisingly gently hefted Alistair's body.

"Yes, Warden."


	28. Chapter 28

**A Note:** As usual I have to change a thing or three after I've sent a chapter to my Beta. For any grammatical mistake I take full credit myself :-D I received so many wonderful reviews for my last chapter. Thank you one and all! When I started this story I was secretly afraid I would get none, and now I'm heading towards 100. Incredible! So now Elissa is forced to stand on her own. Has she learned something? Certainly, yes! Has she learned enough, well, perhaps...

**Disclaimer:** I was born...

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><p>Not far ahead they found Branca and a small number of dwarves. Elissa was so relieved she thought she would start to cry again. She bit back her tears at hearing how Oghrens wife greeted her husband. This was clearly not a person to be moved by sentiment, or pity. In the end Elissa promised to do anything in her power to clear a path to the Anvil in exchange for safety and any medical aid the dwarven camp could provide; almost as an afterthought Elissa threw in the support she needed for the election. Branca waved this off as of no importance. The Paragon did not care either way, and would be happy to back even a monkey if she could only lay her hands on the anvil.<p>

Elissa ground her teeth in frustration as she returned to squat near her friends. They were all digging through their packs for lyrium and healing potions to pool for Alistair's benefit. Zevran had even found some raw lyrium at the back of the camp.

"Better keep a few each. Morrigan will stay here with Alistair." Elissa stated. The witch didn't protest, but Elissa could see that she was not happy about it.

"Why should we dance to the pipe of that fool woman?" Zevran inquired.

Oghren snorted. "Clearly you know nothing of marriage Elf!"

"Because the woman in question is an obsessed lunatic that's why!" Elissa hissed. She could see Oghren nodding in agreement.

"She's friendly enough right now because I've promised her aid, but you know to which lengths she'll go if her will is thwarted." The memory of Hespith's tale rose loud in their minds. "So we'll dance to her tune and play the bloody pipes as well, if needed. Branca claims that the anvil is not far off, but surrounded by traps. She has sacrificed everyone of her followers except these pitiful few remaining here, trying to get past."

Elissa pressed her hands to her face in frustration. "I don't know. We have done 'impossible' things before. And if we go Alistair and Morrigan can remain her in relative safety, until we return."

"If we return! In my opinion this seems less than certain, yes?" Zevran objected

"Then It's no longer my problem is it?" Elissa rounded on him with anger. The assassin surprised her by jumping to his feet with a smile.

"Ah, I so love a dominant woman!, better get going then, while our good dwarf still can diverse friend from foe." he clapped Oghren on the helmet in case the dwarf had missed the insult.

"I have no doubts about you, U little nug-bugger." The dwarf lurched to his feet." After catching his balance and showering Zevran with choice abuse. Oghren handed Elissa her axe, she had forgotten to retrieve it. "Ye shouldn't leave things lying around like that. Might miss it some day or other."

As the entire company started preparing themselves for battle once more Elissa glanced over at Alistair. He was still unconscious. There would be no epic last goodbye like in the tales. She regretted now that the last thing she had told him had been 'I'll kill you myself.' It would have been so much better if she had left it at 'I love you'. Unfortunately there was no changing that now. She kissed his cheek in an effort to make up for every mistake she had ever made. His skin felt cold and clammy, the pulse was irregular and weak, she felt no better afterwards.

Before she went to join the others Elissa locked eyes with Morrigan. "If we do not return I suggest that you bring Alistair back to the surface if such a thing is possible. He will be the last Grey Warden in Ferelden then."

The witch inclined her head in grudging approval at her ruthlessness. "If it is in my power, no matter how distasteful."

"You don't have to like it, but you'll do it nevertheless." Elissa stated. Morrigan regarded her as if taking her measure.

"I will! But you'll grant me a boon if he survives."

"Anything!" Elissa agreed. "But I'm warning you! If I come back and find him dead and you still living, I swear, you'll wish it was the other way around."


	29. Chapter 29

**A. Note:** This chapter was incredibly hard to write (except for the Morrigan part). I'm not sure how it turned out, please let me know. It is totally un-betaed as well. I am not the only one with another life, so I fully expect to do a lot of embarrassing corrections within a few days. I mean, is it deaf _ON_ one ear (as it would be in Swedish) or deaf _IN_ one ear? If anyone have a good on-line dictionary for that one please let me know. I hope you'll enjoy anyway.

**Disclaimer:** I could write anything here I guess...

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><p>Elissa sank down on the ground, she seriously considered giving up. Every bone in her body hurt, she was deaf in one ear from a blow, in short, life sucked. Leliana and Sten were sitting together inspecting each other's injuries trying to determine if one of there valuable potions had to be sacrificed. Elissa quickly looked away. Seeing how close they were only reminded her of Alistair. She was constantly keeping her shields down to sense approaching Darkspawn yet she registered nothing of his aura. Did that mean he was dead, or that he was too far away for her to pick up? In the beginning she was sure she had, even if it had been faint. She was to uncertain of the ability to come to any conclusion. "Please live!" She could not give in now, gritting her teeth she rose.<p>

The trials composed by Caridin seemed to be all about how much punishment your body was ready to take. If this was a test of Dwarven skills he could at least have thrown in a drinking contest Elissa thought bitterly. They had a ready champion for that. She had used her Berserker ability much more than was healthy, and only a miracle must have saved her from fatal injuries. They were just recovering from a particularly nasty trap with a combination of Golems and poisonous gas.

"We should have figured out much sooner that we should have shut the valves. We are not so clever today." Zevran managed between breaths. "Trust the assassin to be the first to manage to get his pie-hole open."

"Do I have to be a bleedin' engineer as well?" Elissa immediately rounded on the Elf. The effect was rather diminished since a new attack of coughs effectively silenced her. She knew in her heart that the assassin had not intended to criticize her, but she could not stop herself from feeling the sting none the less. She was in over her head, feeling more like a child playing at grown-ups than anything else. She really had to stop looking at Sten for approval when selecting tactics, on second thought, perhaps not. Their main goal was to survive after all, and she fully trusted the Qunari to be tactless enough to point out any mistake she made. His consistency was a blessing in disguise.

"I'm sorry, Zevran. We should continue." she admitted as soon as she was able to breathe once more.

"No offense taken beautiful bauble. Do I get the honor of kicking the dwarf to his feet or would you like the pleasure yourself?." The elf replied with a wide smile.

"He's all your's." Elissa stretched her sensing ability to the maximum, darkspawn -yes, warden- no.

Much to Morrigan's surprise she discovered she almost missed the companions. She shook her dark head, the realization was disturbing. All the time they had traveled together she had tried to distance herself from them and their annoying chatter as much as possible. Longing for a time when she could finally leave them, and now that she had, she felt, lonely? She thought that was the correct label. Morrigan preferred to give emotions their true name, as opposed to so many, that was the only way to combat them. The shape-shifter desired a controlled mind and a controlled body. Technically she was not alone she reminded herself as she once more slid her hand below the back of Alistair's inert body. It was difficult to shift him, of all the members in the group, he was the true enemy, the Templar. She had smelled him out from the first, she guessed he had done the same. Ruefully she had to admit he was well knit as males go, but still a Templar, and one with a personality that clashed violently with her own to booth. Frankly she hated him, but that would not stop her from doing what she had to, when, and if, the time was right. And to ensure that end he had to survive.

With a grunt Morrigan removed the last part of the dressing from the injury. She did not like the smell of them. Inspecting each side of the wound she recognized the signs of bad humors, the surrounding area had a hot reddish color that seemed to have spread since she last saw it. With a sigh the witch took out another bottle of lyrium, having downed it she put her hands on each side of the wound and closed her eyes. When she opened them again she saw with satisfaction that the affected area had shrunk. Morrigan was not the kind of person to comfort herself with false hope. She knew that she was only keeping the inevitable at bay, the question was how long.

Morrigan had truly despised both Wardens at first, as well as her mother for sending her on this fool's errand. But during their trials she had also learned things, surprising things, that she would never have gotten wind of in the Wilds, and if the Templar survived she would have the leverage to call in a debt from the other Warden that had ,of late, troubled her greatly. She once more turned her attention to her task. She would have to keep part of the gaps open to allow bad fluid to leak out, but at least she was in no danger of loosing him in the immediate future. With a relieved sigh she started bandaging him up again.

When she had finished she listened to his heart, slightly better, as was his breathing. The blood flowing from his nose and mouth had stopped a while ago, but to be safe she turned him over on the side. His fingers twitched a bit but apart from that he gave no sign of regaining consciousness. Good, she needed to rest now. The witch shifted into Bear-form. She had discovered that the shape of this unknown beast from the surface scared the living shit out of the remaining Dwarves. She made sure to flash her teeth in their direction as she yawned. It would have been so much better if the other Warden had been a man,she mused. Then perhaps this tedious business had not been necessary. Morrigan actually felt herself warming to the female warden. Elissa was finding in herself hidden resources of strength each time she needed it, much as she had herself. Yes, she would have to keep a closer eye on Elissa. Morrigan was not fond of surprises.

When the rest of the company finally burst into a huge cave they slid to a stand-still at the sight of a giant Golem. Elissa would never admit to it later, but she hid herself partly behind Sten before the Golem spoke. In a deep sad voice he told them the story of the Anvil of the Void, and of Caridin, which was actually himself. Elissa was deeply moved by his tale, but she had to consider what destroying the Anvil would mean. Conflicting emotions were running through her brain. Could the Anvil be used to stop the Blight? Surely, but at what cost? What would Branca do if she sided with Caridin, who clearly was the more sane of the two? She was still deliberating when suddenly the decision was snatched out of her hands as Oghren's wife burst into the room shouting.

"Noo, the Anvil must not be destroyed,you fool."

Caridin and his flanking Golems stirred to this new threat. "Destroy the Anvil." Caridin pleaded with her again.

"I will!" Elissa answered without hesitation.

Zevran grasped her arm. "Are you sure this is wise?"

"What?" The assassin had been on her deaf side. With a pained expression he shouted into her other ear.

Elissa's eyes widened. "When did you become the Prince of stupid? Look at Caridin! Look at his bloody Golem friends. Do they look easy to kill? Branca is alone for Blight's sake." She advanced towards the dwarf drawing her axe.

The female Paragon shouted. "I will not allow this." she reached for something inside her armor. Suddenly Caridin cried out.

"A control rod! Please help us."

Elissa hesitated, what in the world was a control-rod? As the Golems swerved to advance towards herself instead of Branca she knew she had made a horrible mistake. The assassin shot her a what-did-I-say look before evading a massive Golem arm. Elissa's world went blood-red and did not return to anything resembling normal until she saw Branca lying dead at her feet. She suddenly remembered that this was, eh correction, had been, Oghren's wife. She gingerly turned to look at the dwarf, predictably he was upending a flask of something, thank the Maker for that, but, wherever did he get that stuff anyway. She went over and took a good swallow herself before hugging him. "I'm so sorry." she said, when she recovered her voice.

"I'm single again." the dwarf replied with a confused look in his red-rimmed eyes. Elissa signaled frantically to Leliana to take over. She much preferred to face a Giant Golem than a heart-broken dwarf.

"I thank you mortal." Caridin spoke as she went up to him.

"What did you reply to that? No problem artificial life-form?" She decided on a small bow. "I am a Grey Warden. Orzammar need a new king to help fight the blight. The other Paragon promised me her support."

"If you promise to destroy the anvil I will forge you a crown. You can place it on any head you deem fitting, I do not care to hear their names or anything about them." Caridin's voice rumbled. She found herself trusting the Golem a lot more than Oghren's ex.

"I said I would and I stand by my word." Now that was a proper dignified answer. Elissa shot Zevran a murderous glance before he could even start to object and hissed at him. "And who do you think would have been first on the list of souls if Branca was in possession of the anvil now? So shut up! I call the shots here!"

She went up to the giant Golem holding out her hand. "We have a deal."

As the group retraced their path Elissa admitted her real reason for supporting the Golem Paragon to Leliana.

"Caridin had one thousand years to think this over, even I would have gotten it right by then."


	30. Chapter 30

A Note: Fear not. Our favorite Templar is not dead, just a bit damaged so to say. I'm sure he'll be back on his feet in a chapter or two. Reviewers, Your so sweet Sten could eat you, together with my Beta of course. Enough rambling. Please enjoy!

Disclaimer: -o-o-o-o

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><p>Even before Alistair opened his eyes he knew he was alive, being dead could not possibly hurt this much, even turning his head made him sweat with pain. Like in a dream he remembered fragments of being carried by litter or dragged along a series of caves, but it was all mixed up in his head now. He waited a moment to get his vision in line before he recognized a chair, made of stone, with a woman sitting inside, humming softly to herself.<p>

"Who..?" he managed to whisper.

"Oh you are awake at last. We were so afraid for you." the figure in the chair bounced over to sit on the side of the bed and grasp his hand. "Do you feel well?"

"No." _"What a strange question. This must be, what was her name again, Princess Stabbity?"_ Alistair closed his eyes briefly.

"I am so sorry, of course you're not, there is still a lot of, eh, half fixed things inside you. You don't want the details, believe me." He believed her, no problem.

"Could I have something to drink, please." _"Unless It will make me leak like a colander of course."_

"Yes, yes certainly. Here!" The woman helped him to get the water down.

Feeling a bit better afterward. Even recalling the name of the unknown woman, he asked. "Leliana, What happened?" He noticed the slight hesitation, as if she were debating with herself as if how much he needed to know.

"Well, you were pretty badly hurt while we were fighting the Broodmother. Do you remember anything about that?"

"Some." He was unsure of how accurate. He seemed to remember a sword sticking out from his ribs and Elissa saying she loved him, and that was as good a reason as anyone to consider his memories unstable, at best.

"You were so badly injured, poor darling. We really thought you would die on the spot. But Morrigan managed to fix you up a bit. At least enough to reach Branca's camp. That's Oghren's wife, unless you remember."

He shook his head "No" _"Who the Blight was Oghren?"_

"Anyway, when we got there Elissa ordered Morrigan to stay at the campsite and keep you alive while the rest of us traveled on to find the Anvil of the void. Branca had sacrificed everything and almost everyone in her company in order to achieve this goal and promised Elissa that she would support her choice of king if we would help her, so we did!" Leliana finished as if this was the most natural thing in the world.

"Morrigan kept me alive?" He was still trying to digest that piece of information.

"Well, Elissa promised her death if she didn't. Oh, sorry, didn't mean to phrase it exactly like that. I'm sure Morrigan cares about you, in her own way."

"And you took off, with Elissa? without me!" Alistair could not credit what he was hearing.

"Oh, Elissa can be very persuasive, and you were as good as dead, Oh,sorry again, you were not yourself, so to speak." Leliana tried to gloss over her lapse." We really had to hurry to get back to the surface in order to save you, you see? More water? you're quite pale."

Alistair slowly shook his head. "Skip the details, please. Is everyone alive?" _"Is Elissa alive?"_ "Do we have an agreement with the Dwarves or not?" _"Am I going to die?" _

"Yes we have. But not by the Paragon Branca after all, but by ancient Caridin himself in Golem form, he was begging us to destroy the Anvil instead of using it, since it was a thing of great evil. Consuming souls and all."

Alistair was intrigued despite his fatigue. "And then what?"

Oh, unexpectedly Elissa sided with the Golem, despite Zevran's objections. Branca drew steel at that and I'm sad to say we had to kill her. I feel sorry for Oghren, but he professes to feel nothing. He is clearly in denial." Leliana shook her head sadly.

Alistair felt his own head swimming. But he had to know. "And?"

"Oh, then we dragged you back to Orzammar. Luckily Oghren sobered up, or perhaps just ran out of alcohol, and found a tunnel that provided a short-cut. Lucky us, you are a very heavy fellow you know. Once we got back Elissa saw that you were safe before crowning Lord Harrowmont King, and the new King in return confirmed the treaty with the Grey wardens. You will have your army." Leliana smiled brightly.

Alistair could only find the strength to blink in reply. This was too much, too fast.

"You are tired, and far from healed. Even with Morrigan, and the nice Chantry Priest Elissa crammed down the assembly's throat, doing their best." The Bard paused to draw the cover up on his chest. "She's a formidable liar, your fellow Warden, you know. Didn't pause for one instant before stating it was Caridin's wish that the words of the Maker should be proclaimed in Orzammar, just to get access to a priest with outside healing skills. Well, the poor fellow only get to preach in Dust Town. I think the Assembly secretly hope he will get his throat cut, and soon, which seems rather likely. A pity, he is such a sweet man and very devout"

The Bard indicated the water pitcher once more but he shook his head. She took a swig herself before continuing. "We will leave for the Circle and proper healing for you as soon as you are fit to travel by wagon. Another one of Elissa's arrangements, she brought Sten in to lean really hard on one of the merchants outside the gates. I actually think Elissa gave the impression he would tear their limbs off, and Sten apparently made it totally believable, despite being such a gentle soul."

Alistair had his doubts about that, but did not voice them.

The Bard continued. "Morrigan is out looking for herbs right now to replenish her potions, Elissa is helping her. She will be so happy when I tell her you are better. Elissa that is, though I'm sure Morrigan would feel the same, even if she would never admit it."

Alistair felt that there were much more he needed to know but he was simply too tired and in too much pain. He let his eyes drift shut. The last thing he was aware of was Leliana's hand gently holding his and her voice saying _"Elissa is a magnificent liar."_

_-/-  
><em>

The sight of Alistair lying inert at the back of the cart tore at Elissa's heart. He had always been so full of life, sometimes to the point of being irritating. Morrigan had brushed off her concerns, assuring her that it was only the effects of a sleeping potion combined with a spell that would keep him 'on ice' until they reached the Circle where proper healing magic could be found. As the witch had explained it he was out of immediate danger while there was still a lot of healing to be done, like parts of organs needed rebuilding. Even so, seeing his limp body lurching with every twitch and turn of the road was harder than she had thought. He looked quite dead, ever so often she had to feel his pulse to assure herself he wasn't.

In his absence she had done her best to keep their mission on track while keeping him alive. If she had stretched the truth a few times, well, she would pay for it later, if ever. She didn't really care right now. Elissa also had a new appreciation for how difficult it was to lead instead of being led and simply complain about it. She had been astonished, frankly, when Oghren the dwarf had asked her to accept him in their company. He was rarely sober, that might serve as an explanation. After having cross-examined him concerning his family, especially female one's working in taverns, she welcomed him to the group.

Had it not been to save the horses she would not have stopped even at night. They each took turns sleeping in the wagon. Not the easiest thing at first, but in a while you got the hang of it. On their road to Redcliffe they only came across one group of marauding Darkspawn. Elissa did not realize the battle was over until Sten grabbed her forcibly and ripped her axe from her hand. "Very messy, but well done." he stated before Leliana came and gently led her to the wagon where she slept as one dead. When the day came when they could finally spot the spire of the Circle in the distance Elissa felt ready to cry with relief.


	31. Chapter 31

**A Note:** Noble Reviewers! This chapter is for you! And eternal gratitude to my Beta. Please Enjoy.

**Disclaimer:** I still do not own Bioware or any of the characters, though I have an Uncle who remind me a bit of Oghren.

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><p>This Wynne person was definitely not someone Elissa immediately took a liking to. The way the sorceress stated that she had felt at once that Alistair was a good and honest person seemed to imply that Elissa was not, and that she was probably responsible for his injuries to boot. She shut her mouth since, to her immense relief, Wynne agreed to do anything in her, no doubt considerable power, to heal him. And with that Elissa had to be content, even when the sorceress proceeded to send her and the rest of the company out of the room.<p>

Being restless, anxious and hating the Circle tower, Elissa decided to follow Oghren to the inn at the other shore instead of pacing up and down the hall all night. The Dwarf had some old flame he thought had holed up there. Obviously Branca had not been the only unfaithful one. Alistair had the best possible care and the Dwarf was not such a bad sort really, once you got to know him. He had backed her every lie in front of the assembly without as much as battering an eyelid. If he only could keep the projectile vomiting from her direction,and keep downwind, he would be quite easy to like.

Elissa witnessed the reunion of Oghren and his, eh, female friend with some astonishment. If the Berserker had not told her it had been a complete success she would have supposed quite the opposite. Well, that was probably a dwarf thing. She did not hesitate to let the Dwarf treat her to a couple of pints afterwards. Having downed the first tankard with alarming speed the dwarf belched, declaring it tasting like nug-piss.

"Doesn't stop you from drinking I see." Elissa commented.

"Why, no. Nug piss is far from the bottom of my list of do-not-drinks." Elissa hesitated to ask what was.

She was half dragging the dwarf down toward the docks later when she noticed two dark figures emerging from the shadows.

"Oh, Hi you two. Taking a breath of air?"

"Oh yes, that's it exactly." Leliana breathed, a bit too quickly. And she was supposed to be a Bard? Sten did not deign to answer. Did him credit, Elissa thought.

"Well, we'll leave you to it then, and Leliana, the wet-leaf pattern on your back is really becoming. Is it something new out of Orlais?" Elissa smirked at the Bard's angry stutter at her back as she struggled to get the dwarf on board. When she finally managed to get the door to the Circle open she was much surprised to be hailed by the old enchantress regarding her with chilly eyes.

"Out having some fun while your friend has been fighting for his life?" Wynne said in a voice filled with disdain.

That was hardly fair. Elissa had spent the better part of two weeks keeping Alistair alive on will alone, and it was the bloody healer herself who had told them to get scarce. What possible good would it have done if she had spent the evening wringing her hands except for show?

"What do you mean? Since you have time guarding the door for my return I assume Alistair is all right? Is he worse? I can find Morrigan."

Wynne raised a hand in a warding gesture. "No need for the apostate. She have done well enough I guess. I apologize if I alarmed you. I was just not expecting that you would be out...carousing while your friend was in such a state. I got the impression you were rather close. Perhaps I was mistaken."

Elissa was in no mood to be lectured. "I only need to know one thing. Is Alistair recovering? Yes or No!"

The healer seemed to be taken aback at such blunt speech, but she quickly recovered. "Yes. Under normal circumstances I would assume you would like to see him but..." She indicated the dwarf hanging from Elissa's shoulder, he had just started to snore and drool. Elissa dropped him like a sack of beans.

"I would! Lead the way... Please." She added as an afterthought.

Wynne opened the door to a small chamber. Alistair was lying on his side and immediately Elissa could see that he was better. His coloring was normal and he seemed to be breathing evenly for the first time in what seemed like forever.

"Healing him took quite a toll from me, but I'm pleased to say that he will be back on his feet in a few days." The enchantress smiled as she adjusted the covers in a proprietary gesture.

Immensely relieved Elissa breathed. "Thank you, Wynne, I will always be in your debt. You may leave now." The healer hesitated until Elissa swerved upon her. "I said, you may leave!" Wynne shut the door with disapproval on her face. Elissa sank down on the bed next to Alistair. Had she been to hash? She came to realize she had grown used to ordering people around without even thinking. Perhaps it had gone to her head. She would make her apologies in the morning. She wanted to ask Wynne to travel with them. As she had understood from their previous encounter she had been willing. They needed a first class healer, that was more than obvious.

Careful not to wake him she took a blanket from one of the chairs and lay down on the far side of the bed. She wondered if he would remember her ill timed declaration of love, and if so, if he would be kind enough to ignore it. She had almost yearned for the barmaid to show up in Orzammar just to get the opportunity to slam something hard in her face, but surprisingly she had not. Since Tapster's she had no illusions as of his feelings. But for tonight they would be sharing a bed, surely only Wynne, or possibly Morrigan could object to that. One for his sake and one for hers.

Alistair startled from sleep. He did not dare to move, for one he was afraid the pain would hit him once again, for the other Elissa was lying next to him. After drawing a few careful breaths without his insides burning he let out a sigh of relief. He could recall being frightfully injured in the deep roads and fragments of a strange conversation with Leliana, but that was the extent of his memories. He could tell this was not the Dwarven kingdom. The bed was made of wood and not stone, and it had a familiar feeling. The walls were curved, of course, Elissa had taken him to the circle.

Again he slowly filled his lungs, no pain. Gingerly he extended his abdominal muscles to the maximum, no pain, well perhaps a little. A healer with skills far surpassing Morrigan's had been working on him that was certain. Lying still, simply enjoying the absence of agony, he took a closer look at the form sleeping beside him. Maker, she was beautiful. She had one hand beneath her cheek, like a child, while the other was resting on his arm as if she had reached out to ensure herself that he was there.

He had the strongest feeling that there was something concerning Elissa, something of vital importance he was supposed to remember but he failed. He realized with a frown that he must have been at death's door to make her bed down next to him. He mentally corrected himself, that was unfair, that was his bitterness talking. He knew that she cared about him, initially as as sound investment in a piece of meat standing between her and the enemy for sure, but that felt like a lifetime ago. He knew she trusted and liked him, sometimes she even laughed at his worst jokes. It was not her fault that he wanted more than she could give.

Carefully he covered her hand with his, that was the extent of his daring. She did not wake to shower him with abuse. He had not really thought she would, far more likely she would politely distance herself while expressing her joy at his recovery. That would be almost equally bad, but worth the risk. Alistair closed his eyes shutting out everything but her presence, the physical connection to her made him feel anchored to the world. The rhythm of her heartbeats was all the reality he needed. He let the sound of them fill his mind, aligning them to his own. He allowed himself to hide his face in her hair before falling asleep, it was probably the only chance he would ever have. He wished he had the strength to remain awake all night, savoring it. He had no intention getting injured this bad ever again if there was any way he could avoid it.


	32. Chapter 32

**A Note:** In this chapter some happenings repeat themselves and some are new, a bit like real life. I'm getting to a pivotal point in the story and it's bloody hard, I have to tell you. Anyway, Bear-hugs to my Beta and reviewers. I hope you will enjoy!

**Disclaimer:** If nothing very extraordinary has happened, I still do not own anything of Bioware's

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><p>Elissa had a sense of Déjà vu as she was looking out across the blue water of Lake Calenhad from the deck of a ship. She was sitting in the stern together with Zevran, Leliana and Sten, the latter was a bit miffed since no one wanted to play I-spy with him any more, and the Qunari flatly refused any card or dice game the Elf suggested. The two were still arguing whether a game of cards was influenced mostly by chance, and therefore inferior, to the naked contest of intellect the Qunari claimed his favorite word game was. Alistair and Wynne was sitting in close conversation in the prow. The pair were almost inseparable these days. The enchantress was acting rather like a hen with one chick, she mused. Morrigan had disdainfully called Wynne 'Chantry-cattle' before going to hang over the side. The outraged look on the enchantress face still brought a smile to Elissa's lips.<p>

Even knowing the decision to bring Wynne was correct she regretted it now. How could it be that the old bat could be free to touch Alistair's face or hair when she could not. To make things worse, she had thought she had seen him leaning into the touch once. He who was always so twitchy when it came to women invading his personal space, unless they were very small, that was. Her thoughts took another spiral into bitterness. Not for one moment did she believe that the enchantress needed to place her hands on his bare skin in order to work her healing skills either. Morrigan had seemed to be able to do most of it from a distance with a flick of the wrist and distaste on her face. Now that was a proper witch!

Elissa angrily shook her hair out of her face. _"Face the facts! You're jealous!"_ she told herself. _"You're jealous of a woman more than twice your age and a man you cannot have, who is being Mothered for the first time in his life. You're making a fool of yourself." _

"I spy something that begins with an E." Sten's voice rumbled in her ear.

"An Enemy and an overbearing bitch." Elissa immediately answered.

"No. Bah, you're not even worth competing with today." Sten huffed.

That was true enough, she was far too distracted. In a way she should be thankful for the constant attention Wynne was paying to Alistair. It had made it possible for herself to stay away from them both. No small feat, considering the Circle was constructed on a very small island. The memory of waking up with his arm around her and his breath dewing the back of her neck still sent shivers up her spine. Thank the Maker and all the Saints she had managed to sneak out of the room before he noticed that she was full length.

She had been immensely happy when he showed up at breakfast the previous day, naturally stalked by the ever present Wynne. She and Leliana had been the first to greet him. Throwing their arms around his neck in tandem, that was safe. Oghren and Zevran had raised their mugs in appreciation, and Sten had risen to give a short bow. Even Morrigan had inclined her head in his direction, which Elissa considered was as far as the witch would ever go in terms of the idiot Templar.

She turned her face into the setting sun once more to shake the black memories of Orzammar from her head. She had to stop this brooding, things could be a lot worse. Alistair was well, Elissa was relieved to once more settle under his command. The wind was in her hair. Her spirits slowly rose.

She winked at the Qunari. "I spy with my little eye, something that begins with a 'C'."

"Oh, really!" Sten perked up. Leliana gave her a look of relief while silently mouthing 'thank you'.

-/-

Three days later she had still managed to avoid a one-to-one situation with her fellow warden, without being too obvious. Elissa was in two minds about that. Sometimes she felt it would be better to have it out and over with, no matter how bad it would hurt, and sometimes she did not want to know and be able to cling to hope.

Once they got to Redcliffe the Arl demanded his constant attention, Eamon had pointed out that they still did not have the allegiance of the Elves, as if getting the support of the Dwarves had been a minor issue. The Arl also continued to press the importance of getting Alistair on the throne and Alistair continued to give token protests, but she could tell they were getting weaker. She wished Teagan had been there, unfortunately he had left to muster the troops of his own Bann of Rainesfere. She would have sought him out otherwise, asking for assistance in getting the Arl out of Alistair's hair. She had had the distinct impression that the Bann disliked the pressure suddenly put on his foster-son almost as much as herself.

Having effectively been sent to the sidelines Wynne immediately found time to lecture Elissa about honor, duty and oh-so-predictably, moral. When she felt she could stand it no more Elissa took Oghren to her familiar hide-out to meet her old friend Owen the smith. She had asked the assassin to come, but he had refused with a secretive smile, stating he had a previous appointment. She was a bit disappointed, but it seemed like her current lot in life was to be toting around a drunken Dwarf. She did not mind too much, she still felt a little guilty for killing his wife, even if the Dwarf had tried to comfort her, saying that he would probably have done it himself, sooner or later.

The meeting was as she had suspected, a phenomenal success. Before they left the two men were as good as long lost siblings, and Elissa had not dared to touch as much as a drop. Which was lucky, since she had had the wits to stop Oghren from cementing the new found friendship by a blood bond. She was pretty sure that was never done with a giant war-hammer, and a smith without an arm would not be half as useful to the village. The Arl would certainly not have been pleased either.

"Yer a mighty fine, whatcha call it, eh,...lady!" the Dwarf droned happily as Elissa pushed him along in the right direction. "How come u spend the nights alone?"

"It's a mystery, I admit." Elissa agreed.

"U take my advise an' give up any thought of gettin' the blade-polisher up on the forbidden horse." Oghren shook his head sadly.

"Ignorance is bliss. That's what the Chantry teaches us anyway." she muttered.

The next morning the company headed out from Redcliffe towards the Brezilian Forests and the Dalish Elves. The smell of pine trees was strong in the rising sun and the air was crisp and clear. It was a day of new beginnings. Elissa let herself hope that in his long convalescence Alistair had forgotten, she could perhaps start with a clear slate, and finally managed to relax a little.

"Leliana you are a woman." Alistair had been waiting for an opportunity to speak to the Bard alone, and as they were both scrubbing pans and pots this was a Maker-sent opportunity.

Leliana paused in her task. "Alistair you ask the strangest questions." Embarrassed he glanced away, trust him to get even the opening sentence wrong. Leliana seemed to take pity on him though, since she added. "I am. Or at least I was the last time I looked."

"That's not what I meant." Alistair felt himself blushing, he wished he could put his foot in his mouth, or something. How come he always managed to say the wrong thing when he was around women.

"So what did you mean?" Leliana asked, trying badly to hide her smirk.

"What I wanted to say was that you are a woman and as I understand it women speak to each others, you know, about things."

"I'm not sure I do. But we speak, yes. As do men I assume."

Was she being deliberately obtuse? He decided to be blunt. "Do you have any idea why Elissa is avoiding me? She may think she is being very clever about it, but she is not! What can I possibly have done this time? I have ransacked my mind, truly, but I am at a loss."

The Bard was paying great attention to the pot she was scrubbing before answering. "I could be mistaken, but It is possible that it could be because she loves you."

That made absolutely no sense. "Elissa does not love me!"Alistair objected. "If she did, why would she avoid me? I am admittedly no expert but I would assume the opposite should be the case. Oh, Andraste's ass!"

He plunged his hand into the water to try to recover the pan he had lost with his frantic gesturing. When the cooking equipment was safely landed the realization seemed to hit him. "What did you just say? Did Elissa tell you she loved me? Are you sure"

The Bard regarded him sadly. "You are such a dear, but now you are starting to annoy me. Elissa told _you_ she loved you."

"What? When? You're joking right?"

Laliana rolled her eyes. "Why would I? I heard it myself. I was not even eavesdropping, I just, eh, happened to be close enough. Wait! Where are you going, we're far from done here! Alistair!"

Swearing the Bard struggled to retrieve the pan Alistair had left floating before the current took it. "Men!"


	33. Chapter 33

**A Note:** Soo, you may run but you can not hide... Here it is, finally, the moment when the two lovers come together for the first time. Does anyone following this story think it will be a walk in park from now on, I think not! But for now, let us all be happy and enjoy! Zillion hugs to my Beta, and my reviewers. One of you will soon find that I have adjusted the story according to her wishes. It's the weekend, have fun!

**Disclaimer:** I try to be witty, but come up blank. **I do not own Bioware, got it!**

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><p>At the sight of Elissa Alistair halted. She was laughing at something the assassin had just said. Judging from the color of Oghren's face the Dwarf had been the target this time. He continued to regard her, he loved the way she laughed without restraint, not caring how un-ladylike that was. He almost lost his courage at that, suddenly realizing how seldom Elissa had laughed like that together with him. Could Leliana have gotten it all wrong? She was not the most reliable after all. He swore he would wring the Bard's neck if she had, the thundering of his heart left him no choice. He went over to squat near his fellow Warden.<p>

"We need to talk." He said.

Elissa winced. _"This was bad, really bad. She was going to get the 'It's not you It's me line now."_

His heart sank as he saw the joy in her face being replaced by anxiety.

"In private, if you don't mind." he added weakly.

Elissa drew a sigh of relief. At least he had decided to spare her feelings by taking her away from the group while letting her down kindly. She ought to have known he would, he was not a person who enjoyed public humiliation.

"Of course." She rose, signaling him to lead the way. Elissa was sincerely regretting that she had blurted out her feelings. She had bloody known his interest lay elsewhere. Her only feeble excuse was that she had been certain she would die and not having to face the consequence of rejection. A small ignoble part of her knew that she had wanted to hurt him as well. Her brain was working so frantically to form appropriate answers to make them both save face she did not even listen to what Alistair was saying until he took her by the arm and shook her impatiently.

"Are you even listening to me?"

"Why of course! What did you say?"

Alistair took a deep breath in frustration before repeating himself. "You may consider me daft. But I have just been told, by, eh, someone, that you have said that you love me, though I might be wrong." he let the sentence drift off while searching her face for clues, uncertain of her reaction.

"Leliana! That bleedin' goddery-gone-baddery blabbering bitch!" Elissa's mind was racing. The truth or not? She took a deep breath before looking him straight in the eye. In the unfortunate manner she always fell back on when she was confronted with her own mistakes she threw her chin up and glared at him as if daring him to object.

" I did, and I do! I've loved you since Orzammar!" She threw the words at him like a challenge. It was the only way she could get them past her lips.

"How did that happen? Just the other day I could swear you hated my guts!" he spluttered.

"I don't sodding know! I wish I didn't, since you've made it perfectly clear you don't love me!" She screamed at the top of her lungs. He glanced around anxiously before drawing her farther into the woods. At a distance from the camp he no doubt judged far enough for her vocal abilities he let go of her arm. She could see that he was trying to control himself. Was he really that angry at her? That was overreacting surely. She tried to put things in a more reasonable perspective.

"You can not even imagine how sorry I am for those words. I honestly thought we were going to die at the time and now you confronted me with it. I'm no good at that. You know I'm not." she was babbling now. "Let's forget all about it. I'm sure I'll snap out of it, given some time." That was more of a hope and a big fat lie than anything else, but what else could she say? She started to back away. "We'll continue as friends, right? I promise to never embarrass you like that again, ever! You have my word!"

Alistair covered the ground between them in two steps, catching her arm, quick as a snake. Once more she reminded herself not to underestimate how fast he was.

"I don't know who of us would win the crown of stupid, but I have loved you ever since we killed the Dragon." he blurted. She slapped his cheek with her free hand.

"Hey, what was that for?" he exclaimed.

"For having sex with Dwarves while professing to love me!" she hissed.

His mouth fell open. She slapped him again.

"Now what? Wait, are you going crazy on me?" he caught her other hand.

"That's for not telling me that you loved me at once! We could have died a dozen times!" She was suddenly afraid to move. He had told her he loved her and she had struck him in the face. How much lunacy could one person have inside without exploding.

He slowly released one of her hands to rub his cheek.

"You may count yourself fortunate that I don't take that page out of your book. And just for the record, I didn't sleep with the waitress. Don't get me wrong, I had every intention to, but I was too drunk and fell asleep instead. The next morning I was sober and knew I couldn't, got tossed out and went right back to drinking, still a virgin. All the time I was imagining you and the assassin together, laughing at me."

"Oh, you have never..?" They were both breathing heavily now.

"No." he lowered his eyes, as if expecting to be ridiculed. She took his head in her hands, forcing him to look her straight in the eyes.

"Right now I don't care if you have gone over the entire female population of Orzammar, including Lord Harrowmont's incredibly ugly wife. But If you'll have me I would be honored to be your first." she whispered.

Letting out his breath he grabbed her face in return. "What I want. Is for you to be my last!"

Elissa was momentarily stunned. "Alistair, you should not make commitments like that! You don't even know me that well. There's a distinct possibility this will go horribly wrong sooner or later." He could see that she had tears in her eyes.

Alistair surprised himself by taking a sudden step forward. "Oh, for once, do shut up!"

He covered her mouth with his. The contact like tossing a torch inside a barrel of oil. Elissa jumped up to straddle his waist. With a grinding of teeth they hung on for life, he held her hips with one arm, trying to rip her tunic off with the other while she was doing the same. There was hardly any coherent thought from any of them, just a frantic struggle to rid themselves of anything hindering them from consuming their lust without leaving physical contact. The pair crashed through the foliage to finally fall on the ground. Elissa bent to tug impatiently at his leggings when she suddenly halted.

"Alistair, are you afraid?"

"More like terrified actually." he answered with perfect truth, she laughed with her head thrown back, he caught her head, reclaiming her.

In the turning interwoven moments that followed Alistair found there was not so much dark mystery as truth to be found. He offered up all he had to give and so did she, without any regret. Their dark song rose between them to a crescendo from an enormous choir, drowning out anything else. As he already knew, the taste of her was the one of life itself. In the end he laid on the hard ground with twigs piercing his back, her head on his chest, her arms around him, he judged it to be the best bed he had ever had. Smiling he kissed the crown of her head and up reached up to gently run his fingers through her dark hair, scarcely able to believe that any of this was real, that this had actually happened. At the movement Elissa raised her head to look him in the eyes. And why did he always feel as if the world stopped turning in the void of her clear gray gaze?

"I have one question for you Alistair. Are Grey Wardens supposed to be celibate?"

"You're asking me this, now?" He shook his head incredulously before reaching out to claim her.


	34. Chapter 34

**A Note:** This is a little piece that is sweeter than Baklava. The glorious time when everything about the other person is perfect and nothing can possibly go wrong. Let them have it, for a while. **Warning:** Not Beta:ed.

**Disclaimer:** No, no I claim nothing, should I?

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><p>"The rest of our little party are going to talk, you know they do that?" Alistair frowned as he finished buckling his boots.<p>

Elissa paused in the lacing of her leggings to reach down to ruffle his hair. "So let them! Or do you think we should feed them to the Darkspawn at the first smart comment?"

"I could definitely consider sacrificing one or two." he muttered, retrieving his tunic from the ground, shaking it out he regarded it doubtfully.

"Are you ashamed of me Alistair?" There was danger in her tone.

"No, Maker, no!" He sprang to his feet and grabbed her arms. "I love you! I've told you that right! I'm sure I have! You're the most perfect thing in the world! How could you even begin to...wait you're having me on, right?"

"Oh, beauty and brains! You are too smart for me!" Elissa flashed her eyelashes at him in an innocent manner.

"I'm not!"

"Ah, I was clearly mistaken." she kissed his spluttered objections to silence. They slowly worked their way back towards the camp in the descending dusk. Elissa kept a firm hold of his hand. Not for the first time she was struck with how his grip seemed to inspire trust. She ruefully remembered a time when she had detested and distrusted this quality in him. Just before they came into the light of the campfire Elissa whispered to Alistair. "When we hit the light, kiss me."

He stiffened. "Is that really a good idea? But, what about our audience!"

"That's the entire point. Stop arguing." He continued to surprise he, instead of the awkward peck she had half expected he took hold of the back of her head giving her a deep and hungry kiss. She reminded herself that this was not a man dealing in half measures.

"Hah! Good for you little pike-twirler!" Oghren toasted Alistair with whatever alcoholic beverage had been available this evening. "Finally figured out it's one leg to either side, eh?"

Elissa laughed. "You have managed it Oghren, how hard can it actually be?" She reached over to claim some of the leftovers before settling herself next to Alistair. he was oozing discomfort. She pointed with a piece of cheese at the group with a wicked smile. "Right! Who's the next smart mouth?"

Later, in the comparative solitude of Elissa's tent Alistair flopped down with a groan.

"Oh come on! Was that really so hard?" Elissa blew out the lantern before sliding down next to him.

"Compared to what? Being squeezed by an Ogre? Having an amputation? Did you see how Wynne kept glaring at us?"

Elissa laid her head on his shoulder. "Wynne can mind her own bloody business." She noticed that as well. The healer's mouth had been pursed tighter than a cat's ass, but she had made no comment. Elissa suspected she was only biding her time.

Alistair's voice broke her reverie. "Right, but what about Morrigan? She seemed downright pleased, that what scares me the most, she's up to something, that one, I hesitate even to speculate."

"Mm, I agree, that was ...disturbing. We'll have to watch her a bit more carefully for a while."

"And what did Leliana mean by me being a leaf-pattern copy-cat? Was that a private joke or something?"

Elissa smiled. "Something like that. If you are nice I'll let you in on it." She shifted to face him. "Why all the complaining? Are you having second thoughts."

Alistair reached out to run his fingers through her hair. "I'm not falling for that one twice, at least not the same day. If this is the price I have to pay to spend the night with you I'll do it gladly. Though I might draw the line at another lecture in the arts of twisting a female anatomy from the bloody assassin." he muttered.

She laughed. "You worry to much."

"Do I? You haven't even heard half of it yet."

"Ah, this should be entertaining." Elissa wiggled up to position herself with her arms crossed on his chest. "Please go on." Her eyes had grown accustomed to the frail light from the campfire and she could see the outlines of his face.

"I can hardly believe that I'm laying beside you, talking to you, no screaming or arguing or..., or anything unpleasant. I don't know. It makes my head spin. I'll probably wake up tomorrow with Morrigan hovering over me, telling me I've cracked my skull or something."

"I have made my fair share of mistakes, but this is not one of them. I love you." she said simply.

"Why?"

She shook her head. "Because you're the only man I ever knew who would ask a question like that. That's why! Truly, you are being paranoid. You're handsome, clever, and can control any battlefield, while I am still trying to get up on my feet. You're quite a catch for any girl trying not to get her head chopped to bits at regular intervals."

He kissed the top of her head but she could feel that he was smiling at last. "I hope you did not strain yourself overmuch with that, unfortunately this is no battlefield."

"Oh but it is!" Elissa rolled on top of him. "Only this is my home turf, expect to be thoroughly beaten Templar scum."

"Oh I do, but I expect to enjoy every moment of it."


	35. Chapter 35

**A Note:** This is a rather angsty piece. But then, The return to Ostagar is! I loved it in the game and could not pass it by. There's also another reason. If you read it I think you will understand ;-) Reviewers, love you! Poor Beta, once more I edited after your corrections. I know I'm a horrible person. Thank you for putting up with me. :-)

**Disclaimer:** This has gone on far too long already I think.

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><p>Alistair's breath was forming mystical patterns in the air as he gazed to the distance. Judging from the number of fires there was still a considerable amount of Darkspawn hanging around the ruins of Ostagar. Part of him wanted to go there and see with his own eyes the place where he had lost so much, the other part cried out to let go and forget, to keep focus on his goal. Irritated at his own indecisiveness he kicked at a pile of stones, sending them hurling down the cliff side. He could hear Elissa's voice echo in his head, "Stop fidgeting for blights sake, what have the poor stones done to you?" With a lopsided grin he recognized the fact that she was always embedded in his mind, like a burr. They had been together less than a week and yet he felt her absence keenly. He had no idea how that had happened, maybe it was the way of these things, he did not know.<p>

As if conjured by his imagination he could sense her approaching. They held each other for a while, affirming their bond, Elissa broke it by raising her eyes to the sky.

"Look at the stars. Why do they always seem brighter when it's cold?" He smiled, he knew her well enough to know that this was one of her maneuvers to postpone something unpleasant she did not want to say, but felt she must.

"Perhaps they grow more heat to warm themselves."

"Mm, maybe." She hesitated before blurting. "I may never have actually apologized for the way I spoke of Duncan, before I mean." "Ah there it was." He smiled, pleased with himself as he tightened his arms around her.

"You know very well you haven't. He did not mean the same to you as to me. Leave it alone." He kissed the top of her head to show that he was sincere.

"As you wish." As he had expected she sounded relived, they stood in silence for a while both watching the distant lights. "We must go there you know." Elissa suddenly stated. "I have to look for my brother, and you for Duncan. There will be no peace in our hearts until we do."

He sighed. "I know." When she said it, it made perfect sense. "Tomorrow then."

"Tomorrow." She affirmed.

Alistair blankly refused to put on any part of his brother's armor that they found on the freshly slain Darkspawn, instead offering them to Sten, who accepted each with a graceful nod. They were much more suited to him anyway. Elissa could not keep from wondering what had possessed Cailan to enter a battlefield with an armor shouting 'I am the King. Come and kill me and the field will be yours'. For once Elissa was glad to have Wynne's company, the sorceress seemed to find the right words for Alistair when she could not.

The place was as she and Alistair had suspected, crawling with Darkspawn. They had to battle hard every step of the way. The party had been moving on when Elissa spotted a frozen corpse wearing the Highever heraldry and turned back to take a closer look when a giant Hurlock sprang upon her as if out of nowhere, she slipped in surprise and hit her head hard on the frozen ground, she was still trying to clear it as the blighted creature raised his sword to finish her off. The commotion had alerted the others. Alistair shouted to Morrigan to do something, anything, while he started running. He knew he would be too late to save her, except for a miracle, but nothing could stop him from trying.

Elissa tried to roll away from the blow that would end it all when she suddenly felt a spray of Darkspawn blood hit her neck. From the corner of her eye she saw something large and dirty with flashing white teeth worrying at the throat of the giant Hurlock. She blinked rapidly, surely her mind was playing tricks on her but it looked like her Marbari. "It was her Marbari! How could he have survived the carnage at Highever?" Scrabbling to her feet she sank the axe in the Darkspawn's brain, twice for good measure before embracing the dog.

"Prince! Oh Prince! Have you any idea how glad I am to see you. You monster!" Elissa felt tears rising in her eyes. Alistair came running, she called him off. "It's all right. Can you believe it? It's my dog."

He frowned, carefully eying the muscled beast. "You called your dog 'Prince'?"

Elissa laughed, while shaking her head. "No. His name is 'The Prince' actually. I thought it was a perfect name. Don't you see. Tell 'The prince' to stop stealing food from the larder. Someone clean up after 'The prince' It was hilarious. Fergus loved it as well, even if my mother didn't. And you love your name don't you Prince?" She allowed the dog to slaver all over the side of her face, while she was speaking to it in a baby voice. The beast certainly seemed happy. Alistair made mental notes to not kiss that side of her face anywhere in the near future. Who knew what the mutt had been eating lately.

Elissa was still rubbing the dog's ears. "I was sure he died at Highever. He must have followed my trail all the way to Ostagar and lost it here. Yes, I love you baby, I'm so happy to have you back." Elissa smiled a rather malicious grin at Alistair. "Now I have not only one, but two princes to love. Isn't my life getting brighter."

Alistair was pretty sure his wasn't, but he tried to be happy for her sake. He saw the potential of the name all right. Gingerly he held out his hand for the dog to sniff. 'The Prince' snorted with disdain, just as he had suspected. A Marbari was a one person dog. The mongrel would defend Elissa to death and beyond, anyone else be damned.

"We should move on." Alistair said, snatching back his hand.

Not far away they discovered an ornate chest containing letters in which Cailan had declared his intention to ally, even marry, himself to the empress of Orlais. Elissa's estimation of the former King actually rose. That was actually a sound plan for once. She suspected that Loghain had also come to know about it, one way or another. Cailan had probably signed his death warrant right there. She and Alistair locked eyes before Elissa pocketed the letters. Neither of them could see any way to turn this knowledge to their advantage right now, but who knew when they might be useful.

Not much later they found Calian's body. Arranged on the same bridge they had passed to get to the tower of Ishal for what seemed a lifetime ago. It was hung on stakes and filled with arrows, as if having been used for target practice. Elissa turned her eyes away, she had no real liking for the former king, but his resemblance to Alistair was uncanny when you knew what to look for. She was almost relieved when they were attacked again and had to move forward.

Alistair was temporary blinded as he stumbled out from the tunnels below the tower, but as soon as he regained his sight he knew this was the place. The last time he had seen it had been from a different angle, and shortly after he had been severely wounded, but every detail was still engraved in his mind. If he closed his eyes he knew he would see the sky darkened with arrows and hear the screams of dying men.

Slightly to the right lay the body of an Ogre, strangely undisturbed as if not even the leanest of scavengers had wanted anything to do with it. He was advancing carefully when the shape suddenly came to life. When the undead monstrosity turned to face him he recognized the twin blades embedded in the chest.

"Duncan" Alistair breathed before smiling his one sided smile Elissa dreaded so much. he could sense her steeling herself, standing back, gesturing to the others to do the same. This was Alistair's nightmare, he had to conquer it alone. Wynne would keep him alive, all Elissa could do was watch. It was one of the hardest things she had ever done.

As the Ogre finally fell with like so much rotten timber it had Alistair's sword embedded in it's throat. He rolled from the body and got as far as his knees before realizing that tears was flowing freely down his cheeks, he did nothing to stop them. Without a word Elissa drew Duncan's weapons from the monster's corpse as well as his own before embracing him. This time freely offering whatever comfort he could draw from her.

"If I had been there I could have saved them." He whispered.

Elissa stroke his hair. "To my mind this proves that you could have bested them as well. Keep that in mind."

Despite the turmoil in his brain Alistair tried to take in this unknown concept. Elissa was giving him unconditional support. He knew she was mistaken in her assumptions, at least as far as Duncan was concerned, but he also felt her determination not to back an inch in her loyalties. He had no words to express his feelings, but the rush of emotion brought fresh tears to his eyes. "You'll be fine, trust me, you'll be fine" she murmured.

Afterwards they searched the entire area for Duncan's remains without success, except for the two blades there was nothing but their memories to prove he had even existed. "We should prepare a pyre for Calian, he should be sent off in the manner of kings." Elissa whispered when she felt he needed the distraction. Alistair was relieved that she referred to the body as 'Cailan' instead of 'your brother'.

As they were watching the flames greedily consuming the remains of the King he found had no tears to offer for the man, they had all been for Duncan. He took Elissa's hand and kissed it, reminding himself that he loved her, and most important, that she seemed to feel the same.

The addition of 'The Prince' to the company seemed to enliven everyone. An unholy alliance quickly was formed between Sten and the Marbari, and as Alistair had suspected the Witch quickly caught on to the possibilities with ill concealed glee.

"Ugh, The prince is eating his own vomit again. Oh not you Alistair, I was referring to the dog this time."


	36. Chapter 36

**A Note:** After my last mammoth chapter I needed a lighter, shorter piece. In the game I liked the Dalish quest but now I feel I want to get to the intrigues in Denerhim. Finally starting to realize what a huge undertaking this is. No wonder there are so many half finished stories in this forum. Still not completely out of ideas. Hugs to all concerned! /O

**Disclaimer**: see previous entries on the subject.

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><p>"What the..." Alistair exclaimed as he stumbled over The Prince when stepping out of their tent in the morning. This was not the first time, not even the fifth. The bloody mutt had taken up permanent residence right in front of the opening from day one. "You do that totally on purpose, beast." He raised an accusing finger at the dog who made a point of ignoring him and darted into the tent as soon as he realized there was an opening.<p>

Alistair cursed under his breath before heading down to collect water for breakfast. Now there would probably be fleas and ticks awaiting him tomorrow. Not that he could blame the hairy monster for wanting to be constantly close to Elissa, he felt the same way. Sometimes he could wake up at night and feel his heart racing just because she was not there. She was too good to be true, one of these days he would wake up to find that it had all been a dream. He knew from experience, that for him good things never lasted. And this was by far the best he had ever experienced. But he loved her, body and soul, with a heat that was almost frightening.

His own fear was that he would scare her away with the intensity of his emotions, he knew well she was a self contained touchy creature, but so far she seemed to accept him as he was without question or hesitation. He had also found out, the hard way, that any complaints she made of her own appearance such as,' my hair is a mess and I smell', was a danger area and he was certainly not too agree to those comments, no matter how true. 'I love you just the way you are' seemed to be the right answer to them all. His thoughts were interrupted as a voice spoke up at his side. It was the assassin who was squatting next to him, he felt a moment's irritation.

"Could I give you a piece of advice my fine Warden?"

Alistair proceeded to throw water in his face. "Not if it's another one of your glib suggestions for positions, no."

"Ha, you figure yourself an expert by now I see." The Elf chuckled. "But actually my advice is in another area."

"I wasn't even aware you had other areas of discussion?" Alistair grunted as he bent down to fill the pot.

"Now you're mocking me. Fine, here it is. You are in a state of bliss you did not think possible, yes?" The assassin gingerly felt the temperature of the water before drawing his tunic over his head. Alistair was a bit envious of the easy way the Antivan always seemed to flaunt his body.

"Yees." That was a rhetorical question surely.

"Yet you are constantly worrying. Fearing the end."

"Yes!" Alistair surprised himself by this frank answer.

"This you must not do! It serves no purpose, only diminishes the joy of the moment. Take my word on this. Enjoy what you have, while you have it. There will always be more than enough time for regrets later."

The words struck Alistair as perfectly true. "Thank you. That was, ...not what I had expected."

"You're welcome, by all means. No hard feelings. You are the right man for her, but."

"But what?" Alistair tensed.

"But if you, for any reason, let her go . I'm the other right man. So take good care." The assassin left as suddenly as he had appeared.

Three days later there had still been no sign of the Dalish but the trek was easy and the weather at it's best. Sten was throwing sticks for the Prince to catch and praised the dog every time he returned in a tone of voice Elissa had never suspected the Qunari owned. The mood of the entire party was high. Behind her she could hear Alistair and Morrigan argue, nothing unusual about that. What was odd was that the Warden seemed to come out on top.

"Look how the mighty have crumbled!" There was triumph in Alistair's voice as he drove his final point home.

"That's a Religious question, not an academic one." The Witch hissed back.

He raised his shoulders as if astounded by her ignorance. "How can you possibly say that when every five-year-old in Ferelden knows the name of Andraste's husband; and you don't!"

"In Orlais as well, I would say." Leliana chimed in. "_This was almost too rich_".

Morrigan's gaze narrowed to mere slits. "Morons!", she stalked off, but even from behind it was obvious that she was furious.

"That the best you could come up with? That's very far from your usual standard! " He called after her. Still smiling he lengthened his stride to catch up with the rest. He would pay for that, sooner or later, but this moment was worth it, and he still had the one about her having her mother's nose up his sleeve.

"Shave my back and call me an Elf!" The Dwarf called out from a nearby knoll. "Trust a dwarf to be able to spot a bunch of sissy bat-ears and taking a leak at the same time. Right over there they are!" Oghren indicated the direction with his head.

"Andraste's knickers Oghren, get your pants up! If you can see them, they can see you!" Elissa exclaimed.

"Bah, I should charge them for that." the Dwarf muttered, unconcerned.

A group of Elves was approaching them. Their demeanor was not friendly. "You are not welcome here strangers."

Alistair gave Oghren a warning glance before raising his palms in a deterrent gesture. "I apologize for my companion, all of them in fact. Now! let's be friends and start over, shall we?"


	37. Chapter 37

**A Note:** If you feel I'm skimming the Dalish quest a bit, you're totally correct! Thanks to all who read and review! And to my Beta for all his pains keeping my story in line...;-)

**Disclaimer:** Full responsibility for grammatical errors.

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><p>After having spent more than two days running around in forest labyrinths Alistair's temper was at the breaking point. "I'm having serious doubts about this entire business." He exclaimed in front of the entire group around the campfire.<p>

"But the poor Elves." Leliana exclaimed. "We have got to help them! We cannot simply ignore their plight!"

"What about the poor Werewolves?" Wynne objected. "They are certainly not the mindless beasts that Keeper Zathrian let us believe. They retain traces of humanity." Elissa was a bit surprised that the enchantress would champion the wolves, or was it just a matter of disagreeing with Leliana?

Alistair drew a hand across his eyes. "That's what worries me the most. They also seem quite devoted to this Witherfang _and_ stood back from fighting us at the ford."

It was Morrigan who spoke next. "As much as I hate to agree with the Templar; in this he is correct. Why would a people as forest-wise as these Dalish need help to track down anything in these woods. There were lies within lies in the Keepers words." she nodded to herself.

Elissa nodded her agreement with the Witch. "Nevertheless we must seek out this monster wolf. I suggest we do that first and take it from there. Try to keep an open mind so to say. I sincerely hope that the stick the odd speaking tree gave us will prove useful for something."

Alistair continued to vent his frustration at their situation. "But we are hopelessly lost. We have been on this very spot at least a dozen times already. I would seriously have thought having an Elf in our company would prove a lot more helpful in these Dalish forests."

"Oh please" Elissa objected. "Zevran is an Antivan. Before coming to Ferelden he would have considered two potted trees next to each other a forest."

"Now you're exaggerating my dear." The elf injected with a smile. "It would have to be at least three pots and a small bush."

Wynne spoke up once more. "I have examined the Oak branch, it stinks of the same magic I felt at one of the barriers. We should head back to there. Surely you felt that as well Morrigan?"

The Witch seemed annoyed that she had not made this connection before the enchantress. "Yes certainly, I was just going to suggest the very same thing."

As Alistair and Elissa withdrew to their tent later he threw himself down on his back with a groan.

"Hey, moping in front of me will get you nowhere. Neither here nor in the forest." Elissa gently chided.

"I'm sorry. I know you are right. It's just that I feel like time is slipping out of my hands. We need to get back to the Arl."

'_You may need to get back to the Arl,'_ Elissa thought._' I don't. I know what will happen when we _do.' She said nothing however. Instead she straddled him, smiling with satisfaction as he reached up to grab her hair. For all she cared they could wander these woods forever. She suspected however that when the two witches were in agreement about something they were probably correct.

She had already suspected that Alistair was the kind of person who went out like a candle almost as soon as he closed his eyes. No doubt very useful for a soldier, but a bit of a hamper on post sex conversation. She did not mind so much though, she rather cherished the time when she could let her mind roam from the safe circle of his arms. His bloody cheerfulness in the morning was a totally different matter.

oOOo

"So, we have been crawling these ruins for a considerable time now and so far we have met a number of undead, spiders, specters, trapped spirits, more werewolves and a dragon." Zevran counted off on his fingers. "I still feel like I'm missing something. Oh yes! The Witherfang monster and a sober Dwarf."

"I'll stay sober the day you stay silent, U little Nug humper." The Dwarf grumbled, dipping his axe in a stagnant pool in a futile effort to clean it.

Silently Elissa agreed with the assassin, she was slumped back against the wall tired and wounded. Wynne was healing Alistair and Sten who had taken the brunt of the last battle and she was left to the ungentle ministrations of Morrigan's.

"Ouch, that bloody hurt!" She let her bad temper out at the witch who just rolled her eyes at her childish behavior.

"If it pleases you I can feel the presence of a powerful spirit nearby, possibly this Witherfang. Strangely enough the entrance seems to be through that pool over there."

Zevran was not slow to pick up on that. "Aaah! This will be a sight worthy of a tale or two. A CLEAN Dwarf."

"It'll be the tale of the drowning of the smart-mouthed Elf unless he's not a very strong swimmer." Oghren made a clumsy pass at the assassin which he easily evaded.

"Not so fast my stout little friend, we hardly know each other." Elissa shook her head as the two took their argument to the other side of the room.

Alistair's arm settled across her back pulling her close. "How are you holding up?"

"Fine, fine." She muttered. "I got bitten again, I'll probably turn into a Werewarden anytime now. Let's go end this."

The events that followed made Elissa's head spin with all the implications. The Werewolves where, well at least not the black beasts painted out by Zathrian. The elf Keeper himself was a liar who had jeopardized his clan to extract his own revenge. The supposed monster Witherfang was a beautiful, if you did not mind a little extra root and foliage, compassionate spirit woman. Elissa and Alistair nodded to each other.

"We'll stand for whatever is right." Even to the point of stupidity, she heard him mutter under his breath as they prepared to defend the Spirit instead of killing it.

In the end it was the Keeper and the spirit that proved to have the greatest souls. Each of them sacrificing their lives for the sake of saving their respective people. The entire episode had been a mess from beginning to end. While dreading the return to Redcliffe Elissa was nevertheless glad to leave the tragedy of the Dalish behind her. The new Keeper seemed a reliable sort and had affirmed the Dalish allegiance to the Grey Wardens.

As the Dalish camp dwindled behind them Elissa noticed Morrigan sidling up to her.

"I have a question Elissa, if you will Indulge me." The Witch had pitched her voice to ensure the attention of the entire party. The smug look on her face made Alistair alert at once.

Morrigan made great pretense as to be puzzled by something. "I'm at a loss as of how you manage to select the correct piece of Royalty inside your tent at night. There being not much to diverse them in the dark. But it was ironically the Dwarf's behavior that led me on the right track. My theory is that you select the one who urinates on the outside of your tent instead of the one who urinates in your boots. Am I correct?"

Alistair grinned wickedly. "Oh, such a clever little apostate. I almost feel sorry to blow all your sly reasoning to bits, but I always make sure to piss on _your_ tent."


	38. Chapter 38

**A Note:** This chapter was so much fun to write, if only all of them could be! Hope you will enjoy it as well! Ah, and yes I got a few hints that I should move to the M section so I did. But certainly, if you really look for it through the story you may find rude language, some violence, hints of sadistic sex, and a Dwarf flashing himself. Who am I to judge? ;-)

**Disclaimer:** No, not this again!

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><p>The first days of their journey back to Redcliffe were unusually warm and humid even for the Brezilian. This evening they had found a perfect camping spot. After the usual sparing, or 'ritual punishment' as Elissa still labeled it in her mind the pair had descended to the shore of the small lake to wash. As they stripped Elissa wanted to shout '<em>Look at him! He's beautiful, and he's mine.<em>' Instead she took Alistair's hand and drew him into the water.

Afterwards they lay together on the brink looking down at the small creatures living there. Letting the warm evening sun dry the remaining humidity from their bodies. Alistair was unusually quiet but restlessly flicking small items into the water. Elissa reached out to run her hand down his back trying to relax the corded muscles, it was no use, he was brooding again.

After encasing herself in her towel, she lay back with a disappointed sigh. "Now what?"

"The direction Morrigan is leading us in takes us directly to the edge of the wilds."

"So? It's been smooth sailing, just as she promised. No Darkspawn or nothing. We've made better time than if we had passed the Ostagar area again." Elissa was puzzled.

Alistair's eyes widened at her ignorance. "Have you completely forgotten who lives in the wilds?"

"Oh, come on, you don't really think Morrigan had a sudden urge to pay her mother a visit?" She dismissed his concerns with a wave.

"Maybe she was instructed to bring something home for dinner." Alistair's hand unconsciously went to the ragged scar in his chest, a shadow passed across his hazel eyes.

"See, you know the answer yourself! If Morrigan had wanted us dead we wouldn't lie here arguing about it!" Elissa decided to change the subject before he could even start on 'The Arl thing'. She placed her hand on top of his. "Now, chantry boy, why don't you teach me one or two of your Templar tricks instead?"

He rested his head on his elbow trying to look stern, but she could spot the small lift of the corner of his mouth. "Nobel Brat, they are not 'Tricks'. In fact all Templar _skills_ require a LOT of mental discipline. The last time I tried to teach you It was bloody impossible, remember?" He flicked her nose to puncure his statement.

She mock-bristled. "Are you accusing me of being a scatterbrain? I had my reasons as you very well know and I have managed to keep my Berserker ability in rein of lately, no small feat I, tell you! I might add as well that I have much better control over my mind-walls than you." she tugged at his towel in revenge. "As soon as you get worked up you're still spilling your emotions like a boiling kettle. Like now!"

"Alright, alright, you win!" He sat up, carefully adjusting the cloth. Elissa knew very well that he was extremely self conscious. Getting him naked in broad daylight had been nothing less than a miracle. When he seemed satisfied he slowly reached out to cup her face. "First, close your eyes."

She hesitated a moment before obeying. "I will strangle you if this is another of your stupid jokes, you know that right? and stop fondling my ear's, you're starting the sing-song and It's soddin' distracting."

"I am deeply offended by your distrustful attitude, but glad that you are distracted so easily." She could feel him smiling as he kissed her and was almost disappointed when he broke it saying. "Now concentrate! Picture yourself inhaling every ounce of life and energy around you. Done?" She nodded.

"Now give it color and taste then store it somewhere inside. I always picture my lungs but the place is not important, use whatever comes natural to you." His voice had an almost hypnotic quality. Elissa tried to follow the instructions. Lungs did not work for her, belly did, she immediately felt as if she had had a twelve course dinner.

"Now what?" she groaned. She really was about to burst at the seams.

He smiled. "Now you Release it!" The next thing he knew was hurling over the brink and inhaling water. He scrabled to get up on hands and feet in the shallows.

"Am I a bleedin' genius at these mind-games or no?" Elissa's eyes was dancing with mirth as she reached out to give him a hand up. "Please show me more! The look on your face when you hit the surface; priceless!"

"That's it! You're going in" He tossed her effortlessly into the lake before diving after.

ooOOoo

Elissa was quite astounded when an evening, not much later, the Witch sought her out, requesting they speak alone, but her curiosity immediately rose. Morrigan had never sought her opinion on anything in the past, instead freely offering her own, asked for or not. She followed the Witch to her camping spot. Always a bit away from the others, when she had the opportunity.

Morrigan seemed almost as uncertain as Elissa as of how to begin this conversation. "So the Templar has finally gotten you down on your back, well and good I take it." The shapeshifter began.

"Surely you have not asked me to speak to you alone just to ridicule Alistair. You would not hesitate to do that up front. In fact, I think you prefer it that way." Elissa retorted, a bit stung.

The witch inclined her head as if in approval. "Ah, I'm sure he's biddable enough, if you like the type. But you spoke truly. I did not call you out to speak of Alistair."

"Then what?"

"Do you remember that you promised me a boon if I saved his life, anything, you said."

"Yees" Elissa dragged the word out a bit.

Morrigan squared her shoulders. "I have studied my mothers Grimoire that I found in the Circle and have discovered that the reason for her longevity is that she takes over the body of each of her daughters. I'm the next host in line so to say."

"But! That's horrible! Are you sure?"

"Without a doubt! Now for my boon. I need you to kill her. I must get her real Grimoire. It is in a chest in our..., her home"

"Kill the Witch of the Wilds? Surely that's a bit excessive? Not to mention lethal"

"I need the Grimoire! You said '_Any one thing'_ if he lived, and he does!"

Elissa hung her head. She had said it, she had never expected to pay for it with her life. She could hear the voice of her father echo in her mind _"The Couslands always do their duty, pup." _there was no getting around this that she could see, she _had_ given her word, however much she regretted it now. She had a sudden insight of how Alistair must feel about his obligations to the Arl. The necessity to do something completely against you will and wishes because you simply have to.

"I will not back down. I will get your bloody book."

Morrigan seemed almost regretful. "I wish I could go with you but I can't. There's a risk that my mother may enter my body if her host is destroyed."

"I understand. Understand as well that I'm not taking Alistair. He would insist, but there's no way I'm dragging him into this, this is entirely my fault. But; If I do not return, be sure to tell him why."

"I do, and I will. certainly not at a close distance, but I will let him know." Elissa found herself trusting the Witch, whatever she was, she was certainly no coward.

"Agreed then." Elissa's mind was working frantically. "I need something to put him out. I'll leave this evening. We're near enough I guess."

"That we are. That's why I spoke." Morrigan rummaged around in her pack before handing a small vial to Elissa. "One drop of this and your Templar won't wake up the entire night, but be careful. Three stops the heart, you might not wish that."

Elissa weighted the vial in her hand "I don't like you much right now, you know."

"I wish it could be otherwise. For what it's worth. I have a grown to respect you a great deal."

"It doesn't really help, but I appreciate the thought, and Morrigan, make up any lie you like but you'll cover four watches, a small enough price to pay I think." She left without another word.

The witch had not been joking at the effectiveness of the drug, from the time she noticed that Alistair was shaking his head in confusion to the time it took to reach their tent he was barely able to stand. In the course of taking off his boots he simply fell over knocking the lantern out in the process. After a frantic struggle to put out the burning oil Elissa waited anxiously until she was certain no one had noticed. That had been rather too close for comfort, she was definitely not cut out for these assassin things.

She carefully preceded to pull Alistair's sleeping form on top on one of the bedrolls while swearing under her breath at his weight. She did her best to arrange his limbs in a semblance of natural sleep before covering him with a blanket. That would have to be good enough for a cursory glance, in case anything went amiss. Then she lay down next to him waiting for the others to retire and for Morrigan to begin her first watch. Elissa went through the details of her plan in her head once more while counting his heartbeats, as much as a hitch and there would be one less Witch in Ferelden.

Elissa had already decided she would ask Zevran and Oghren to come. Her reasoning had been harsh. They were the most expendable in the group. She would have taken Wynne for her healing skills but the enchantress would naturally insist on reasoning with Alistair at such a fool plan, so that was a huge no-go. Oghren never asked about any whys or wherefore's and she thought she could persuade Zevran, or at least trust him not to betray her intent. She would not risk Sten or Leliana.

Carefully sliding from her tent she shook the assassin awake. "I am obliged to recover Morrigans mothers Grimoire. To make this perfectly clear. Flemeth is a very old, very powerful shape-shifter. It would be best if we could find a way to steal the bloody book, else we will probably have to try to kill her, there is not much chance of success. Nevertheless I have to do this, I gave my word in exchange for Alistairs life back in the deep roads, now Morrigan has called in that debt." Elissa let her shoulders drop. "Alone I have no chance to stand against her. I need help."

Zevran kissed her cheek. "Intriguing, but you know I'm your man. All you need to do is say the words." She had nothing to offer but her gratitude, and could only hope he would understand how deep it went.

Elissa tried to give the Dwarf the same lines, but she doubted that he listened much, she had only just started when he interrupted her. "Too many words there. Just point me in the right direction and I'll charge." He was a jewel, he really was. She also took The Prince.

Under the cloak of darkness Elissa and Zevran carefully crept up to overlook the small cabin and lay side by side considering their options. "Except for the witch, this would not be hard." Was the assassins estimation.

"You wait here, I'll go down to feel her up." Elissa ordered while wiping sweat from her palms, The Marbari padded after, there was no stopping him. The enormity of the task suddenly struck her. Kill Morrigan's mother! what was she thinking? She should turn back - right now! She had almost made up her mind to when suddenly the door opened and Flemeth's silhouette was clearly outlined.

"So lovely Morrigan has finally found someone willing to dance to her tune." Flemeth stated.

"Lovely Morrigan made me promise to recover your Grimoire, and I will." Elissa answered as steadily as she was able.

The old Witch seemed amused. "You are very determined, as is your company. Did you really think you could sneak up on me." She laughed her crazy cackle. "Oh, never mind, perhaps there is a way to settle this without any unnecessary violence."

Elissa was rattled, this was a trick surely. "What way? Are you telling me you'll simply hand over the book."

"And why not. I feel great strength in you, I recognized it from the first. Believe it or not, I have no desire to battle you." Elissa was astounded, this was the legendary witch of the wilds. She had no desire to push her luck further.

"How do I know it's the right one?" she winced at the stupidity of the question.

"You don't, but Morrigan will. Oh, maybe I'm getting old and bored. To tell you the truth I'm interested to find out what she will learn from it, and what she will do with this knowledge."

"All right! Hand it over." Elissa tried to sound confident instead of relieved.

Flemeth disappeared into the hut, when she emerged she was carrying a large book that looked much like the one Morrigan was always toting around. "Grey Warden Elissa Cousland, farewell! We will never meet again." The witch said.

_"Certainly not if I see you first."_ Elissa thought, aloud she said. "Thank you, I'm pleased we could settle this in a civilized manner. Farewell."

She beat a quick retreat before the Witch could change her mind. Zevran gave her a quizzical glance but said nothing. When they finally returned to camp she let him know that she was now in his debt. "Rather you than Morrigan frankly."

She was apprehensive as she handed the Grimoire to Morrigan. The shape-shifter seemed to be totally absorbed with the heavy volume. _"So Flemeth had not lied about the __authenticity __of the book at least."_

"So my mother is dead then?" Morrigan asked.

"That is entirely possible." Elissa hedged.

"What does that mean?"

"Your mother was in perfect health when I left her. She is old however, she might be dead by now."

"Fool! You let her live!"The Witch hissed.

Elissa's temper flared. That was quite enough holding back for one night. "Any _'one_' thing I promised you. Here's the thing! You've got the bleedin book. Killing your mother in the bargain seems like _two_ things to me."

" Apparently I have misjudged you." The witch inclined her head. "You are more clever than I thought."

"Well so are you! And with this knowledge you can fight your Mother as an equal. Believe me, I had no intention to weasel out, but given the opportunity, I took it. Why not? The blight is more important than you or me." With that last statement Elissa staggered over to her tent.

Dawn was already a weak promise on the horizon when she crept down next to Alistair. She had initially considered removing his clothes if she was successful, but the task was beyond her now, she decided to stick to plan B, which was telling him he had downed Oghren's special.

It seemed she had just closed her eyes when Alistair shook her awake with a cheerful "Come on sleepyhead. Did I drink Dwarf brew last night? Must be getting better at it! I feel great! Oh come on, we have to get up and going!"

Raising her head Elissa had serious doubts about whether he was worth all her trouble, she really should have thought of spiking his morning tea as well.


	39. Chapter 39

**A note:** You cannot write a fic with Alistair pairing without a rose. No magicking, no Lothering, if Alistair would have wanted to give anything to my Elissa back then it would have been a good thrashing. This is my version. Beta: I eh changed the sequence again, sorry... Reviewers huge thanks!

**Disc**... oops ran out of word there!

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><p>At their return to Redcliffe the Arl did not offer as much as a 'Well done' to Alistair when he announced that they had succeeded in getting the alliance of the Dalish elves. Instead, he immediately went on about the importance of the Landsmeet.<p>

It was plain to Elissa's mind that the Arl considered the other races inferior and of considerable less political importance than humans. Once she would have thought as much she supposed. Before meeting Sten, Zevran and Oghren. True, maybe Oghren was not the pride of Orzammar but having the choice between a company of dwarf berserkers and the elite guard of Redcliffe, the short fellows would have her vote anytime. Even if blind drunk one and all.

Alistair did not seem to notice the slight. Instead he seemed relieved that he had done what the Arl ordered without mishap. Elissa wanted to shake him and scream in his ear. "What we have accomplished is a bloody miracle, can't you even recognize that" but she refrained. She could see that he was at ease, basking in the favor of his foster father. She had no desire to ruin that.

Eamon made a big show of pretending to let them join in the decision making whether they should go to Denerhim at once or not, Elissa was not fooled. She managed to smile sweetly in the spirit of keeping your friends close, but your enemies closer.

The Arl had apparently also decided that they should not share a room, on the pretext of the Arlessa being sensitive about their non-marital status. Elissa could see through the Arl's maneuvering. He wanted to separate them slowly to prepare Alistair for the crown, and a bride with powerful connections. Maybe some princess from Orlais or whatever other bitch he could shake out of the noble bushes.

Elissa left the Arl and Alistair to plan the journey without her, she wanted to brood alone. The Prince came running to disturb her with Sten in his wake.

"I have pulled your dog out of the larder three times this morning. Now you take responsibility." The Qunari groused.

A thought suddenly struck Elissa. "Perhaps I'll do better than that! I almost forgot about that lead on your lost sword. Let's go to the village."

Sten gave her a skeptical glance. "The man was clearly a liar and a thief. We'll find nothing there, but you have my gratitude for the offer."

"Oh, Sten, snap out of that negative mind-set! I told the fellow you were prone to ripping the arms of people who displeased you, he almost pissed himself. We must at least check out this Dwarf."

"You did? You could have told me. I could have tried to look frightening."

Elissa did not care to elaborate on the effect Sten had on most people. "Never mind that now, let's go."

She had not truly expected that they would be successful but a few doors and threats later the Qunari could finally lift his lost blade in reverence to the sky. Elissa felt more like as if she had helped delivering a baby than retrieving an inert object.

Her spirits had risen considerably by now so she decided it was time to check if Alistair had escaped the Arl's clutches. Sten and The Prince went on discussing the virtues of having a weapon that was part of yourself. Elissa didn't quite get the point but the dog seemed enraptured by the subject. To her delight Alistair came to meet them in the courtyard. Now there was the one person that particular subject made sense to discuss. To save him from the anxiety of going against Eamon's wishes she took his hand and led him to the hayloft. The Arl might write her off because her family held no power anymore, but she was still a Cousland, and stubborn as any Marbari.

The loft hatch was closed this time but Alistair eased it open with the skill of long practice. The view across the lake in the setting sun was breathtaking. They sat close together marveling at the beauty of it.

"Can you recall the last time we were here?" Alistair whispered the words close to Elissa's ear. She felt goose bumps rising all over her body.

"Yes, Seems like a lifetime ago doesn't it?"

"I loved you even then. Heartless bitch that you were." He bit her neck while running his hand through her hair.

"Do you remember the first time we met." She unexpectedly changed the subject.

Alistair laughed."How can I not? It was one of the most uncomfortable experiences of my life."

She pinched him in retaliation."I was not that awful surely?"

"Yes! you were!" He evaded her jab. "And to think I pitied you at first"

"Pitied me! Why?"

"I saw you walking up to me in your mismatched armor and sawed-off hair, trying so bad to put a brave face on your situation. I wanted to take you in my arms and protect you right then and there, but of course, you had to open your mouth.

"I what!"

" _"You common clod! Try to do whatever you are supposed to with a minimum of incompetence." _He was mimicking her voice.

"Maybe we shall not dwell so much on the past." Elissa said, a bit miffed.

"Oh, come on! you started it!" She could hear the triumph in his tone and pretended to sulk a bit. "Don't be like that now."He kissed her neck. "I even have a gift for you." He placed something in her hand. "Do you know what this is?"

She bent to look. "Why, it's a rose!"

"Yes, yes." He said a bit impatiently. "But why am I offering you a rose?"

"Because we are both prickly, beautiful and have seen better days." Elissa turned the slightly wilted flower over in her hand. "

He grinned. "True, but that's not why." He shook his head in pretended sadness. "You're hopelessly UN-romantic. Ever since Orzammar your words have been engraved in my mind, and you have forgotten all about it."

Elissa halted. "I told you to give me roses and a kiss before you could marry me?"

"So I've given you my share of kisses, but no rose. Here it is!" She could sense that he was tense all of a sudden.

"You went out to look for a rose for me? That's incredibly sweet." Elissa exclaimed.

"Well technically you said 'flowers', so anything with petals would have worked, but you mentioned you preferred roses."

As if glad to be off the hook for a moment he continued rapidly. "In the end I didn't even find it myself, Owen the smith helped me once he got tired of me rooting around the outskirts of the village. Finally I had to tell him why I needed one, mortifying as that was. But he took pity on me and showed me where the last grew. It IS very late in the season!"

"He's a treasure isn't he?" Elissa laughed.

"Hm, he also brought out a few bottles of something he called 'his special', saying I would have better luck with that." Alistair frowned. "How well do you actually know that man?"

She waved that question away."Another time! Thank you so much that was so sweet of you."

Alistair shifted, as if steeling himself he drew a deep shuddering breath before encasing both her hands. Elissa ignored the fact that they were clammy with cold sweat. Elissa had a hunch what was coming, she found herself holding her breath. Finally he looked her right in the eyes.

"I love you! I can't imagine being without you, ever! I know it's too soon, and we still have the blight to fight and all. But If we survive. Would you ever consider marrying me?" She met his gaze. There was, and would never be, any deceit in him. His eyes where the clearest green in the last rays of the sun. He believed every word he just said. She resolutely pushed avay her fears for the future.

"Stop me if you can!" Elissa drew him down on top of her, enjoying the hitch in his breathing.

As he slept afterwards doubts returned to haunt her. How much time could they possibly have left? Eamon would watch over Alistair like he was a gyrfalcon gone into the treetops. Eamon already had the lure in his hand, it had been implanted since childhood, the only thing left was getting the hood over his head. Elissa had no illusions as of the power the old Arl held over him. Alistair was not likely to break free, not for anyone, not even for her.

As if sensing her disquiet even in his sleep, Alistair rolled over and drew her tight mumbling. "Shh, you'll be all right. Trust me." Elissa smiled. She loved this man. She would not roll over without a fight.


	40. Chapter 40

**A note:** Ah Zevran...

**Disclaimer**: The usual stuff

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><p>Almost as soon as they set foot in Denerhim they were swooped upon by Teryn Loghain. Elissa had last seen him at the strategy meeting Cailan had called for just before the battle of Ostagar. Time had not treated the regent lightly. But as soon as he spoke she realized that this was still very much a man to be reckoned with, harried or no. She listened to the exchange between Eamon and Loghain while keeping her trap well shut. She winced as the Arl brought Alistair's claim to the throne into the exchange. Surely this was a major mistake. She was not a great card player herself but even she could recognize that if you have such an ace up your sleeve you do NOT play it in the first round.<p>

As the Regent stormed out, Eamon tried to smooth thing over. Elissa was secretly enjoying his discomfort and when he suggested that she and Alistair would search out a few of the Nobles and feel them up a bit she readily agreed. It was long since she had had Alistair to herself and there was still the matter of Rendon bloody Howe to attend to.

It was such a rare thing to be wandering around the market of Denerhim with Alistair at her side. To any passer by they would seen like a normal couple enjoying a fine day. Elissa bought him a new tunic, stating that his old one's were beyond repair and that only burning would take away the smell.

He retaliated by handing over a sewing-kit. "Just so you can keep busy darning my socks whenever you are in a domesticating mode"

"I've seen you socks Alistair, they are hardly tame." Elissa retorted before trying to dodge his swipe. Alistair had no other option but to quench her evil mirth with a kiss, something he found he had no problems at all to do in public anymore.

Arm's around each other's waist they went to Wade's to commission armor from the drake and dragon scales they had in their possession, and giggled together as they replayed the conversation between Wade and his more level headed assistant. They were still calling out different angels to each other before they realized they were in a back ally and a well armed man was hailing them. With the ease of long practice Elissa sidled in behind Alistair, loosening her shield in the process.

"You sure took a long time to find, though I'm disappointed Zevran is not with you." The man spoke with the confidence of one having the upper hand.

Elissa stepped down hard on Alistair's foot before answering. "Zevran? Zevran who?"

The man laughed. "Ah, you wish to play games? You think you are clever, right? But I have my sources of information. The elf travels with you."

"I don't know what you're talking about." I front of her Elissa felt Alistair preparing himself for confrontation. "If you're looking for an Elf the Alienage would be more appropriate." She scanned for exits as she was speaking. All were covered.

"You are amusing girl." The smile still had not left the man's lips. "But why don't you just hand him over and be done with it. You have the word of the Crows that we will let you live and get on with your business if you do."

"Tempting, but no!" Alistair spoke for the first time.

"Ah, he's been getting on your nerves as well i see." The Crow's smile broadened.

"Zevran does not need the Crows anymore!" Elissa hissed, drawing her axe. She had seen what Alistair and the Crow leader had not, the slight movement on the roof.

"Oh! Does Zevran need to live? Look, I'm sorry, but we have reached the tiresome point where we have to resort to violence." The man signaled to his companions. "Kill them!"

Alistair covered her with his shield as he sent a smite towards the leader who went down on his back. Elissa ducked from cover to attack two crossbow archers that was trying to regain their footing. From the corner of her eye she could see Alistair charge up the stairs, an awkward position for combat which he overcame by cutting at their legs. The leader was climbing to his feet when suddenly a shape dropped on him from above.

"I'm sorry Taliesin, but as I have always told you to, you should have listed to the woman." With that Zevran drew the knife across his throat.

The sudden death of Taliesin seemed to draw the heart out of the followers who started to disengage and flee. Alistair cut down a few more before dancing back to Elissa's side, still keeping his shield up in case there were more snipers lurking around the ally.

"Thank you for the unexpected vote of confidence my fine warden." The assassin exclaimed with a grin when they judged they were out of harm's reach.

"Despite everything. You have been a loyal companion." Alistair muttered, as if against himself.

"True, true, but in your position I'm not sure I would have done the same. You have a kind soul my friend. I am your man. This I swear" The elf reached out his hand.

"Haven't you once already?"

The assassin threw out his hands in a gesture of innocence."My fine warden, I was under a lot of pressure at the time. This is freely offered!"

"Don't make me regret this!"Alistair responded as he took it.

When they reached the Arl's mansion a servant came running. "Guess I've had enough freedom for one day." Alistair grumbled before indicating that he would follow. When the door to the study closed behind him Elissa grabbed the elbow of the assassin in what she hoped was a painful grip.

"How many times have you been spying on us exactly?"

"Oh, not so many my limber beauty, I promise! And only to ensure your safety, no!" Elissa raised her other hand threatening to slap his face.

The assassin rolled his eyes. "I admit to have witnessed your naked bodies intertwined a time or two, yes. Ah the lines, the angles, you truly are a breathtaking couple." The assassin sighed." But, Goddess! I You wound me with your doubt. I did it just for your protection, and to call off the lecherous dwarf, I swear! You may torture me if you think I'm lying."

Elissa let go of his arm. "No way! You would enjoy that far to much. It stops NOW you hear!"

"I hear, I hear, my dragoness." Zevran made a great show of caressing his elbow. Just before they entered the dining room the elf bent close to whisper in her ear. "But I can't help but wonder how it feels to be ground down beneath so much hard muscle."

Elissa whispered back. "Open the subject just once more and you'll find out!"


	41. Chapter 41

**A note:** Oh, this became very long. Enough said already. Hope you'll enjoy!

**Dis**...

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><p>As Elissa had suspected the Arl tried to tie Alistair closer to himself, even to the point of sharing a suite with him, all on the pretext of preparing him for the Landsmeet. Alistair seemed more confused than anything at this sudden change, but did not argue the point. Elissa was given a room to herself, was this some kind of concession on the Arl's part? Was he trying to butter her up? Well he was to late for that, about twenty years too late. Elissa was not a nobody, grateful to be given food and a place too sleep. She was a Cousland. Her family line was older than the Arl's. Her line had been petty Kings long before even the Theirins came to power. Horrible people one and all she suspected, but nevertheless. She was annoyed that she had still not found the right crack in Eamon's facade that she could exploit without sounding, well, jealous and childish. The old fox was wily.<p>

When the Arl called Elissa to his study to present the supposed maid of Anora's and listen to her unlikely story she was highly skeptical. Why would Anora seek help from Eamon of all people? But once she realized that the Queen was kept captive in Arl Howe's residence and knew a way in a jolt went through her body, almost as sharp as desire. She pointedly ignored the angry glances Alistair threw her way as she accepted on behalf of them both. Elissa remembered Alistair teasing her long ago that she would have to improve enormously to beat him to Loghain and she had angrily thought to herself

_"Perhaps I'll concede you Loghain, but Howe. Howe is mine!"._ She would not pass up a chance to pull his entrails from his still breathing body, with both hands.

When they entered the residence by a back door Elissa was almost undone by her powerful emotions. The beating heart of the Howe was calling her like a beacon. She had to struggle hard with herself not to shake off Alistair's hands as he was trying to pull her back. His words were like the buzzing of a fly against the Berserker inside her.

Elissa was only vaguely aware of the exchange between Anora and Alistair, until she registered the fact that they needed to seek out the bastard. She had been trying to figure out ways to persuade Alistair, now she could forget all about that. Elissa set off in the direction indicated by Anora like a Marbari scenting something really nice and rotten. She was more annoyed than anything else when suddenly several doors flew open spilling guards and dogs into the narrow hallway, they were simply in her way, baring her teeth in frustration she let go.

The skirmish turned into a total disorder with bolts of energy hurling across the walls. Shields locked and there was hardly place to swing a sword in the confined area. Alistair felt a knife get past his guard from behind and dispatched the attacker with a chop of the shield at the exposed throat. The party retreated into a larger room covered by Alistair and Sten with Oghren roaring in protest. Quickly Alistair scanned the company noting that only the assassin had escaped injury. Morrigan was limping badly and Wynne looked near to fainting. Ignoring the blood now streaming down his side he braced himself to take the brunt of the attack. Letting his body settle in the instinctive rhythm of combat until the space in front of him remained empty.

It took a few heartbeats before Alistair realized there were no more enemies coming. When he tried to straighten he felt his knees buckle instead and he reached weakly to catch himself against the wall before the world went blank. He opened his eyes to the tendrils of Wynne's healing coursing through his veins. Alistair sat up with a jerk, almost knocking heads together with the old Enchantress who was bent over him.

"Where's Elissa?" he searched the room with his eyes.

Wynne tried to push him down. "She ran down the hallway, Leliana and Sten are following her. Lie back! You are far from healed but I need time to recover."

Alistair threw her off and got to his feet with a grunt. "Good enough!" There had been a time when Morrigan's healing was all they had, he keenly remembered it now. Reaching the doorway he crashed together with Leliana.

"Have you found her?"

Leliana was leaning on her knees, breathing heavily. "That's just it Alistair. I don't know where she's gone! There were tons of guards and she slipped passed them like a knife through butter. When we got through she had disappeared, and Andraste have mercy, she had that crazy look again."

He pushed pass her. The corridor was painted in blood. Sten just exited one of the doors shaking innards from his sword. "Not here!" was all he said.

Alistair sprinted down the corridor, the sound of wounded or dying men and women distracted him. He ripped open a few more doors, behind one he found two of Howe's soldiers. At the sight of him they threw down their arms, angrily he slammed the door shut.

"_Calm down, concentrate!" _he tried to discipline himself. _"And where was the bloody mutt? Tied up back at Eamon's palace when he could have been useful for once! Concentrate dammit."_

He started striding back. Slowly getting his emotions under enough control to scan for Elissa's aura. Ignoring the quizzical glances from the others. _"He should have recognized the signs, too much focus, no arguing. There!"_ His heart took a leap in his chest. He backtracked a few paces. _"Yes, unmistakably, yes! But something else as well, something he had not felt since..."_

He threw himself down the passage banging the door open with his shield. A few steps into the room he slid to an abrupt halt. Halfway out of one of the corner cells Elissa was laying on her back with what seemed like a naked man on top of her, pinning her arms to the floor. Alistair's heart gave a sudden lurch before another realization hit him. Grey Warden!

"Let go of her or you'll be spittin' teeth out of yer arse for the next month." Oghren brandished his axe at the prisoner to punctuate his statement. Alistair drew him back. "No! It's one of us! A Warden!"

"I'm glad at least one of you recognize your own." The man turned to look at him. "Alistair! You live!" he exclaimed.

Alistair was not ready to have a conversation just yet. "I think you'd better let go of...our sister."

The man, he tried to remember the name, Jordan?, smiled ruefully. "You behave now, young one." He warned Elissa , climbing off her before releasing his grip on her wrists. She quickly scrambled to her feet and away to stand at Alistair's side glaring at the stranger.

He hissed in her ear. "Have you any idea what you've just made me go through? Never, ever do this to me again." Elissa put her arm around his waist, as much of an apology he would ever get he guessed. He flinched as she drew away to look at her hand.

"But you're bleeding!" Alistair suddenly remembered the same thing.

"Fool boy! You've managed to open your wound. Sit down and let me finish now." Wynne was at his side. With Elissa's support Alistair sank down and let his back lean against the wall, he felt dizzy for a moment as the spell wove around him.

Elissa positioned herself between Alistair and the prisoner. She was in two minds about their new found ally, and continued to watch him closely for one false move while the enchantress was working on Alistair behind her back, at the same time she was fascinated at meeting one of their own kind.

The Warden was donning an armor looted from the guard she had seen him kill with his bare hands just a moment ago. As if sensing her gaze he lifted an eyebrow at her. "I owe you thanks for creating the distraction I needed to escape. But what possessed you to attack me?" He stretched his back before raising an eyebrow at her. " I might add that you throw a wicked mind-punch."

Elissa was annoyed to be reminded of that. "I was a...bit worked up. I mistook you for some new kind of strange...Darkspawn." she felt Alistair squeeze her arm in warning. So that was a no-topic area around others. She should have known.

Alistair spoke quickly as if to forestall her. "Elissa here has not had much experience around other Wardens. She passed her joining just a few hours before they were all slain at Ostagar. Since then, well, it's been the two of us really."

The Warden glanced away. "I am sorry! Duncan, he's dead then? I feared as much."

Elissa could hear Alistair swallow before answering. "Yes!" she took one of his hands and squeezed it, he responded in kind.

"What about you? Who are you?" Elissa asked to get away from the uncomfortable topic."

The warden gave her a tired smile before settling himself next to Alistair. "My name is Riordan, I'm Fereldan, but I've served most of my life with the wardens of Orlais. Don't you remember me Alistair? I was at your joining."

"I think I do. You were a friend of Duncan's."

The warden closed his eyes momentarily. "We took our joining together. It was long ago now."

"So what are you doing...here?" Elissa indicated the Dungeons.

Riordan leaned back against the wall, as if suddenly weary tired. "I was sent to inquire why there was no word from the Wardens of Ferelden. I found them all slaughtered at Ostagar, but did not believe that there was treachery behind it." he shook his head as if astonished at his naiveté. "The other Orlesian wardens left. Getting embroiled in a civil war would not be in our best interest. Being a native I went to Denerhim to make inquires and the Arl captured me." A shadow passed across his face. "We've spent quite some time getting acquainted now."

"Will you help us? Maker knows we can use someone with your experience." Alistair asked.

Riordan shook his head. "With the blight yes, but right now? I'm not sure how much of a help I'll be. I need time to heal, but your assistance will get me out of here."

Elissa quickly agreed. "Yes of course, you must be totally exhausted. Wynne can get you back on your feet enough to escape. Why don't you just get to Arl Eamon's palace near the market, and meet us there later. We'll do fine, just as you say." She jabbed Alistair with her elbow before he could object. She had no intention to let anything interfere with her plans. She suspected Alistair would be greatly relieved to hand over the reins to someone with greater authority, but she was not, at least not now. It was unlikely that there was any love lost between Hove and Riordan but what did she really know about the strange morals of these other Wardens. She and Alistair had managed just fine so far, without guidance.

The Warden gave her a searching look, as if he could read her mind. She slammed her walls up so tight it almost made her teeth ache. He blinked as if in mild surprise.

"Very well. If fate is kind we'll talk more at a later time." Elissa felt as is he was talking to her alone, and as if it was a mild rebuke. She got to her feet before he could change his mind.

"Excellent, safe journey! Let's get going shall we?" She did not miss the quizzical glance Alistair gave her, but she ignored it.

"If you don't mind might I ask you a question?" Zevran studied the Warden with great interest. "And forgive me if I seem ignorant. But how did it come to be that a person like Arl Howe managed to take a man, such as yourself captive. That seems rather un-wardenly, so to speak, no?"

The warden smiled his tired smile again. "Basically, we are just people, people make mistakes."

The Elf grinned. "Of course you're right! Thank you for reminding me."

Elissa gave the Older Warden a thoughtful glance as he turned to leave. She and Alistair had been forming their own universe for so long, what would be the effect of adding another to their group? Their 'brother' was an unknown factor. She did NOT like unknown factors.

...

Elissa had been so certain that the death of the man who had ordered the death of her family would heal something broken and bleeding inside her. It did not. When Howe finally lay still at her feet it was almost an anticlimax. Despite her efforts he died far too quickly. She was still shaking the corpse as Alistair pulled her away.

"He's more than dead, can't you see?"

What kind of question was that? She had dreamed of killing Rendon Howe in a thousand ways, and he had cheated her by dying once. Her only satisfaction was that he had known her at the end. She gave the body a final kick before striding out of the room angrily slapping tears from her eyes.

"Right! Lets get the Queen and get the Blight out of this place."


	42. Chapter 42

**A note:** This is a piece that came out rather sad despite my initial intentions. I left it at that, but I must admit I'm a bit nervous about how it will be accepted. Thank you my poor Beta, still sorry for managing to send you a draft by mistake...

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><p>"Have you gone completely insane!" Elissa was staring at him with wild eyes which was a bad thing. She was naked in his bed, which had been an extremely good thing until he had voiced his last sentence.<p>

"Look even if the idea came from Anora. I think it bears checking out. An unrest in the Alienage is not good for the city should the Blight hit." Alistair did his best to reason with her, despite himself.

"I still have the scars on my back from the last brilliant plan of the Blond bitch, which you seem to have have forgotten! Grey wardens have seasonal tickets for dungeons here in Denerhim at the moment, and it was Anora who betrayed us! I will not do anything she suggests and neither should you!"

He reached out to caress her back but she flinched from his touch. He understood her anger but really, he was tired, What was all the fuss about? They had done a lot of things before they didn't like. "Oh come on, Wynne said the scarring would disappear in time. I actually believe that Anora panicked, she's not used to violence like us. And we are safe now."

"Thanks to Zevran and Oghren, NOT Anora or your precious Eamon." Elissa objected. "We should do the reasonable thing and take the time to talk to Riordan. That should be our priority. No more of Anora's little ideas that are more likely to get us killed than anything else. We are Grey Wardens, not scheming nobility."

"Elissa, please calm down. I really hate it when we are at odds." He tried to placate her. "I like this no more that you, but Eamon..."

"Don't you dare. I swear if you give me just one more 'Eamon thinks'. I will walk out of this room right now and never come back. You hear." Even knowing it was only her temper speaking the very thought sent a spike of ice through his chest. He found it hard to breathe. The fear in him made him lash out.

"Must you always be so bloody unreasonable. The Arl is a good man! He has always supported us."

"You are so blind! You should be begging outside the gates. The _'good man'_ is using you Alistair!"

"Using me? Elissa! The man wants me to be King, I don't like it, but to most people it would surely be a positive thing!"

"He intends to rule through you! Cailan's death was a boon not only to Loghain. You don't really think Eamon kept you out of affection did you? He kept you to further HIS means, not yours." She hissed.

That struck a chord in Alistair he had wished to remain unsounded forever. "And you are not?"

Elissa's eyes went wide. "Is that what you truly believe?"

"I don't know what to believe anymore!" he let out all his anger and doubt that had been building the last weeks, at the wrong person. He knew it even as he said the words, he wished to recall them but did not know how.

Elissa threw herself out of his bed and started pulling her clothes on with angry jerky movements.

"If you think that you're a bigger fool than I have ever given you credit for!" She turned towards him, half dressed. "Please tell me you don't!" There were tears in her eyes, every one made a matching wound in his heart, but he was still fueled by anger.

He turned away."I don't know what to believe."

Elissa opened the door, still only half dressed he noticed. "You've already chosen Eamon before me, you can bleedin' sleep with him as well." she screamed before slamming the door behind her.

Alistair winced at the thought of far that could have traveled. It was not their first quarrel but it had been the first time she had actually walked out on him, instead of just threatening to. He was not really worried she might never come back. The question was, how many times? He reminded himself that he had seen it coming, good things never lasted long.

Elissa impatiently re-arranged her clothes as her angry strides carried her down the corridor. She was angry at Alistair, she was angry at herself. She had wanted him to take her side for a change, choose her opinion. Not just as a bed partner, that was what hurt the most. She headed for the Arl's study. It was high time they had a nice chat.

With irritation cresting inside her found that the Arl was not there. Maker's balls, she had hardly ever seen him out of it before. Typically, the one time when she wanted to find the man. She kicked the armchair in frustration. Turning to leave she noticed a fancy flagon, grabbed it and took a deep swill. The unbelievably strong beverage made her eyes water but coughing she forced it down and raised the neck to her mouth once more.

"You may want to go easy on that, it's quite potent." A voice spoke from the corner near the fire. Elissa startled violently. Someone had been sitting in one of the armchairs without her noticing, had she not been so busy walling out Alistair she would have known who.

"And then again. I may not want to." She gave Riordan a defiant salute with the bottle before filling her mouth again. _"Yeah, that would surely better his opinion of her? as if she had not failed spectacularly enough at their first encounter."_ She found she didn't care.

He surprised her by laughing softly. "Do you have a general issue with authority or is it just me?"

Elissa shrugged. "It's more of a general one I'm afraid."

"Well I'm relieved. And since you have made such a good beginning on the Arl's finest brandy, you may serve me as well." He winked "Though I prefer to use a glass."

Elissa scooped one up and sloshed a good measure inside. "By all means let's get besotted in style." Having handed the glass over she poured for herself as well before leaning back against the desk, maintaining her distance.

"This is Ferelden after all, not Orlesia. Do you actually have any authority over me and Alistair?"

The Senior Warden regarded her with a half-smile. "Over you? I think not, even if I were inclined to impose such a thing. But believe me, you are not the first reluctant recruit I've met. I actually think it's more common than not. You may rant at me to your heart's desire. It does not change who you have become, but it might make you feel less unique."

That was a surprisingly frank answer. "As long as you are here, would you care to answer some questions?"

"Questions? Yes I suppose you might have a few. I have one or two myself."

"Right."Elissa did not care much for the sound of that.

"However, you may be aware that many of these things are not for outside ears. If you want answers let's retire to a less public place." He indicated a door on the other side of the hall, his room probably. That had a you're-about-to-be-put-in-your-place ring to it. Elissa cared even less for that.

"Maybe I will wait and we can take this at another time." _"When Alistair is present." _She realized with a sinking heart that she depended on him as a buffer far too much.

"That is your choice, certainly. Though it grieves me that you do not trust me." The ease with which he agreed made her pause.

"You manhandling me the first time we met did nothing to endear yourself to me."

"I might argue that that was only after you threw me into a stone wall. But as I said, the choice is yours."

Elissa regarded him with suspicion, was he manipulating her? Making her believe she had the right to refuse. She wished she dared to lower her walls just a little, but this man was a Senior Warden, he might suck her brain dry and make her some kind of Tranquil warden for all she knew. Well she had thrown him on his ass once, she could do it again. She downed the reminder of her drink for courage."All right then, after you."

She did not forget the bottle, hoping it was the Ar's last. As Riordan coaxed the fire to new life without another word. She seated herself in one of the chairs near the flames to hide her apprehension. The Warden finally took the seat opposite cradling his glass in his hands. He maintained his silence as if giving her the time to collect her thoughts.

"Does your..our order have any restrictions against Wardens having...a close relationship?"

"Not that I know of." He smiled slowly. "And even if there was, would that have stopped you?"

"It might have stopped Alistair." She muttered.

His smile became a laugh. "I admire your honesty. Let me repay you in coin, It would not be to everyone's taste within the Wardens. You may want to consider that. But I was not unaware of the feelings you and Alistair have for each other."

_"Bloody Alistair! I've told him to keep his mind shut!"_ Can you read my mind as well?" She asked nervously.

"No, in fact you have one of the strongest mind-defenses I have ever encountered. It's a pity you have not been trained. When I was new the senior wardens referred to me as criminally unstable, even at my age, I'm just above average."

Emboldened by the brandy she found the nerve to ask. "How long have you been tainted?"

He met her eyes. "Thirty years."

"Thirty years..." She suddenly found she had not the will to complete the sentence.

"Yes. I've had my call, even without the Blight. I won't' last much longer." He turned too gaze into the fire. "Did you notice the little songbird Eamon has in his study, how it fights the bars? I imagine he feels the same, answering a call to be free at last, even knowing it will kill him."

"Doesn't that make you hate those who made you into this?" Elissa was struggling to understand.

"I find that the closer to the end I get, the more precious the little things are to me. The warmth of a fire, a child's laughter, a fine wine. But no, I don't hate them, though once I did. You may not believe it but I was much like you. Resentful and bitter. Not like Duncan, he was made for the Wardens, or more like the Wardens were made for him. Did he recruit you as well as Alistair?"

Elissa found herself giving him the truth. " I hated Duncan. We did not speak much.I was conscripted against my will." She emptied her glass too quickly, it almost went down the wrong pipe."I guess he did it to save my life, but that meant nothing to me. What I wanted was to die with the rest of my family." _"Why was she telling a total stranger these things? Was it because he had spoken of dying in such a natural way."_ Angrily she blinked back the treacherous tears.

The Warden regarded her. "I see, I'm sorry for your loss."

She retorted with anger. "What's with all these empty words? You never knew my family. You don't know me! Don't presume to tell me how I feel!"

"I wasn't aware that I did."

The calm in his voice made her halt, her attempt at defending herself with anger had failed. She swallowed. "I'm losing him too."

"Young one." She heard Riordan shift before she felt his hands grip her own. "Now is the time to grieve." It was such a relief to let go of all the pain and fears for the future she had never dared to tell Alistair, knowing he would try to shoulder the burden. She did not miss the irony that she let herself be comforted by a dying man.

She had no idea how much time had passed when she finally ran out of words and raised her head. "What does it mean to be a Grey Warden?"

He drew the wet hair from her face and dried her tears with his thumbs. "Be firm in your beliefs, be fair to your friends, be prepared to do anything to stop the Blight. But you already knew that."

Elissa got to her feet. She gave him a shaky smile. "Guess I did. Thank you for reminding me, Brother"

The warden opened the door for her. "No, thank you for trusting me, Sister." He kissed her brow. "Now go and do what you know is right."

As soon as the door closed she realized that her conversation with Riordan had been almost all about her. Carefully she opened the door to Alistair's room, she could tell that he was not sleeping.

"It's me." she whispered.

He opened his arms in wordless greeting.


	43. Chapter 43

**A note:** Elissa finds out something about choices and consequences. As always, indebted to my Beta Kubar.

**Disclaimer:** Bah

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><p>The Elven Alienage was rather all Elissa had feared. What she had not expected was to be struck with admiration for the Elves they met who somehow managed to keep their heads high and their integrity intact despite the horrible conditions they were living in.<p>

She was no stranger to the fact that the all the elves she had met in her life, except for Zevran who always seemed to be an exception in any regard, had been servants. And not only servants, she reminded herself, but performing the most menial tasks. She had briefly wondered why they did not all run away to join the Dalish, but leaving house and home for the unknown was easier said than done she guessed. It had been a long time since she felt such satisfaction in killing humans as when she dispatched these Trevinter slavers one by bloody one. She grinned at Alistair as they were standing side by side, hands on knees, regaining their breath.

"I'm so glad to have you with me." He panted.

"As long as you need me I'll be there." she promised.

"Lovebirds! We have more coming this way now!" Leliana warned while grabbing a new handful of arrows from her quiver. She looked like an avenging Goddess.

Alistair straightened with a groan. "Why does everyone feel free to boss me around lately? I swear you are a bad influence on morale Elissa."

"I certainly hope so." she quipped back.

"Oh do shut up, or I might feel tempted to singe one of you. You are quite sickening." the Witch muttered.

Elissa would have liked to say afterwards that she had never felt tempted by the Trevinter Mage that offered them the opportunity to greatly enhance their bodies at the cost of the lives of the Elven slaves and his freedom. As if she would have let him get away with his life after taking such a deal. She had been tempted, yes. She could even had rationalized saying the deed was intended to stop the Blight, but she knew she could not. Maybe Riordan had been wrong, she was not ready to do anything after all.

She left the Alienage behind her with a mixture of hope and despair.

She rejoined her companions as they were dining in the guards hall. She knew she could have insisted to join Alistair and Eamon at their formal meal, but she had no heart to witness the Arl slowly weaving the net tighter around his would-be-king tonight. She wanted to laugh with her friends this evening, and forget about the Landsmeet and what it would entail.

Eamon had suggested she should visit the Queen who for some reason had expressed a sudden desire to speak with her. Elissa would rather have her eyebrows shaved off than having a chit-chat with Anora. She made no mention of that to the Arl though.

The Prince came running up to her the moment she entered, Sten must have fetched him from the kennels. When the Marbari had finished his worship of her face she was pleasantly surprised to notice the Senior Warden seated with the others. Zevran was obviously regaling him with one of their exploits, no doubt exaggerating his own part just a bit.

"Good to see you again Riordan. I suggest you filter that story heavily for the truth." Elissa smiled as she squeezed down between the Assassin and the Bard

"That leaves the ands, the buts, and a few wherefores." Leliana reached behind Elissa's back to poke the elf with a finger.

"Always you twist the knife in my heart with your cruelty." The elf exclaimed. "Now you must both kiss me before I bleed to death."

Elissa obliged by giving him a peck on the cheek, before reaching across the table. "Now! You know the drill friends, hand over every morsel of food left."

"One cookie I will give you, no more! You'll get fat and slovenly." The Qunari tossed her a small biscuit that she neatly caught with her mouth, to general applause.

The rest of the meal went on in the same vein. The mood was exhilarated. Together they had faced the most gruesome trials and triumphed. Zevran and Oghren started a drinking contest which they tried to get Riordan to join. He declined with a wink at her saying he had already judged the competition, and it was way to fierce for him. Elissa hid her face in her tankard to escape the jeering.

Sten and Leliana showed off a few tricks they had taught The Prince. Calling in the others to judge which was the best. Sten had the Marbari roll over and play dead at the command of 'Dwarf breath' and the Bard had taught him to cover his eyes and whine piteously at the sound of 'Elissa naked'. It was a close call until Morrigan triumphantly exclaimed.

"Go find the Templar!" The Prince obediently stormed out and returned with an old shoe which Morrigan pretended to give a careful inspection before stating. "Oh so very close, but still too smart and too sweet smelling." Naturally she won hands down.

As the banter continued to fly around the table Elissa suddenly noticed something that made her pause. The Witch was turning on a level of charm at the Senior Warden she had never known she had in her. Riordan seemed amused, and why not? The witch was certainly beautiful. In her mind she could hear Alistair mutter 'She's up to something.' This made her suddenly long for his company. It was not right that Alistair was absent tonight. This was where he belonged, not cooped up with Eamon. She decided to go and get him.

At the mention of her name Elissa's hand stopped before touching the handle on the door to the Arl's study. She was not proud of it but she needed to hear what Eamon was saying to Alistair. How else could she counter it? "The Cousland girl again? I understand that you are infatuated by her, I may be old but not blind."

"I'm not infatuated by her. I love her." Alistair said simply.

"This is unfortunate. That will make it harder for you to do what has to be done."

"What has to be done? I don't understand this constant insistence that I should put her aside. I have agreed to be put forward as a pretender to the throne. Is that not enough for you?"

"I've told you a dozen times already. You must marry a woman with connections that will bolster your power, not someone who's family is extinct."

"If I manage to become King, that would surely not be your decision." She could hear him retorting with anger in his voice. She almost wanted to cheer him on.

"That is what your father would have wanted." the Arl played one of his better cards.

Elissa could envision Alistair starting to wander restlessly around the room drawing his hand through his hair in the manner he always adopted when pressed.

"I know nothing of my father or his wishes. I don't care." he said, but a bit less certain now.

"But you care about the realm, about Ferelden? Did not this Grey Warden, what was his name, Duncan, teach you anything about honor and duty?"

"He did. More than anyone else have ever done." That was as much of a challenge as Alistair would allow himself, and only because the Arl had made the mistake of drawing Duncan into the game. Elissa nodded with approval.

As if sensing the same The Arl's tone changed, became fatherly instead of stern. "Alistair, don't get me wrong, I knew your father better than almost any man. I know he would approve of you. You are a fine young man, your heart is in the right place. It is not your fault you were not prepared for this future. _"Damn, the old fox was craftier than she would have thought."_ She reached out for Alistair, she could sense confusion and conflicting emotions together with a sense of hopelessness.

"I would let you follow you heart if I could." the Arl continued in his most reasonable tone. Elissa did not believe one word. "But I can't. The safety of the realm must be put before both our desires. Surely you see that." Stubborn silence followed.

When the silence continued to grow she could hear Eamon speak again."Alistair, you know I will help you as much as I can, but you must have a queen of statue, to bear your children. To ensure the continuance of the realm. The lack of offspring from Cailan is what have caused this unrest, just when we need unity the most."

"My children?" She could sense that he was really shaken now. Why? She was as able as anyone else she guessed, if they survived the blight.

The Arl must have seen something in Alistair's face that made him pause. She could imagine him laying a hand on his wards shoulder. "Perhaps I was tactless. In which case I apologize, son. Plenty of time to think of that later." The Arl seemed as perplexed at Alistair's reaction as she was. "Maybe you should rest. You have had a hard day and another is ahead of you."

"Thank you. I think I will." The image of herself was suddenly projected from Alistair's mind with a desperate sense of urgency.

She and The Prince managed to beat a hasty retreat, and she was to answer the door in an almost normal voice. "Come in." The Marbari was still agitated, in his mind all this running was some kind of game and predictably assaulted Alistair as he opened the door.

"Down! Down I tell you beast." He tried to catch her eye, pleading for her to call in the Marbari.

"Down." Elissa barked. Immediately the dog went to lay at the feet of the bed. "What could be the reason for this nocturnal visit?" she enquired, trying to keep her tone light.

Alistair sank down on her bed. "There is something I need you to know. Something I should have told you a long time ago" Her heart skipped a beat but she managed to keep her voice steady.

"How much you have missed me?" she sat down at his side.

"That too." he turned to look her in the eye with a smile, but she could tell it did not reach his eyes. When she said nothing, he rose restlessly to stand at the window.

"You're scaring me." she whispered.

He closed his eyes for a moment as if collecting himself. "There's one more thing about being a Grey Warden I still haven't told you."

She was perfectly still. "Such as?"

"You will probably never be able to bear a child, being a man I might. The two of us together, almost impossible." He did not meet her eyes. "I'm so sorry I kept it from you. I was afraid, I hoped it would never matter."

This was really too much. Suddenly he was a stranger to her. The man she loved, the man who she had been certain would always give her the truth. She managed to keep her voice calm as she asked him.

"And what suddenly brought this little lapse to mind."

"Nothing, I just realized I had never told you that's all." he glanced away as he said it. _"Alistair Theirin, you really are a horrible liar."_ she thought bitterly.

"There will be no pattering of little Grey Warden feet for the two of us then, is that what you are trying to say?"

"More or less." he was finding the shadows cast by the candles on the walls fascinating.

What could she say, she had not walked into this relationship blind-folded, she had had strong suspicions where it would end, yet, in her foolishness she had let herself cling to hope. Now it was time to face the truth. She went up to him and drew her hands along his sides.

"Even if I wish you had told me earlier that is not your fault." he buried his head in her chest nearly crushing her in the process. "I'm so sorry, for everything." She acknowledged his pain, past, present and future.

"Sssh, we'll get by somehow." She kissed his neck. He responded with a desperate urgency and the way he seemed to commit every inch of her body to memory told her all she needed to know. As soon as he was asleep Elissa silently buckled on her armor, tonight she would not be a broken hearted woman, but a warrior. This time she was ready to do what was necessary.


	44. Chapter 44

**A note:** Really I'm touched by the reviews. Thank you all very much, not to mention the efforts from my beta. I'm sorry, but I actually have a plan sometimes and as I see it, this is the logical conclusion. Next chapter, Alistair is very...well, shall we settle for upset?

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><p>"Please enter." the response to her quiet knock came almost too fast, as if Anora had been sitting staring at the door. "Thank you for coming. "<p>

"Thank you for receiving me." Elissa closed the door behind her. There, she had not forgotten her manners at least.

Anora started pacing the room while Elissa sank down in one of the bolstered chairs. Strangely how the tables had turned, now Anora was the supplicant even if she didn't acknowledge it. She served herself a glass of red wine from a decanter. She had no intention of drinking it, she needed a clear head for this, it just served as a reminder of who was in charge.

"You must wonder why I asked you to have word with me?" Anora started in a rather high voice.

"No." No more than that. Let the queen do the talking.

Anora seemed taken aback at the answer, stung into retorting. "You think you are so clever. You think you have them all in the palm of your hand. The Wardens, the Pretender, the Arl."

Shaking her head at the naivety of this woman Elissa took another sip of whine before answering. "I used to think much like you once. In terms of who gets more out of licking who's ass."

Anora drew a startled breath at the disrespect in Elissa's tone. "I resent your..."

Elissa held up her hand. "Please let me finish before you start objecting. Now where was I? Yes! The difference between you and me these days, you see. I don't really care much about this struggle about the throne. Had it not been for the Blight and Alistair..."

"Alistair! Your lover you mean!" the queen hissed. Elissa inclined her head, she had no reason to deny it, nor did she want to. She wanted this woman to understand her, and understand her perfectly.

"Not my lover, the one I love." she corrected Anora. "And yes, because I do, I will give him up. I will surrender him to you in fact. If there can be any such thing. "

"You will what?" Anora sat down heavily.

"Oh, I won't do it gracefully. That is a known failure of mine." a rueful smile crossed Elissa's lips. "And I will probably regret it a thousand times, I already do. But unfortunately this is the only path I can see that will give him peace." Elissa focused on the color of blood in her glass. "You see Anora, I was once a very selfish bitch, much as yourself."

An indrawn breath was her only answer. "Good! I have your full attention now, don't I." Elissa continued in the same quiet tone. "But I would like to think that I have evolved since then. Not very long ago I would have forced Alistair to my will, disregarding the fact that he would pay the cost. Now I find I can't, surely that is a step in the right direction."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"The realm needs stability, I cannot bear children. I would be a constant disappointment." She felt strangely calm when giving voice to these thoughts.

Anora was startled enough to answer with the truth. "I was married to Cailan for four years and never a child."

Elissa regarded the queen with something like pity. "Even in Highever we were aware that the king did not spend much time in your bed, mostly in others. And yet, no bastard. I think the fault lies not in you."

Anora gasped, was this public knowledge?

"Tell me. Did you love Cailan?" Elissa was looking straight at the queen.

"Yes! I know what the rumors said, but I did, and he loved me!" Elissa highly doubted that, but if Anora insisted in deceiving herself, fine! She and Alistair had read the missives left at Ostagar where Cailan had declared himself willing to marry the Empress of Orlais. She decided not to use that against Anora.

"You will learn to respect, if not love Alistair as well in time. He's the finest man I have ever known." Elissa had not meant to say that, but perhaps it was for the best. "

"Then why give him up?" Elissa could tell Anora was still reeling from this piece of information.

"Because If I force him otherwise, against the Arl's will, and I probably could, make no mistake about that. It will slowly poison what we have and leave us both miserable. Eamon is dead set to put him on the throne, and Alistair is honor bound to obey. This, to my regret, I cannot change." Elissa repeated patiently.

"But why are you telling me this?"

Elissa filled two glasses this time, handing one to Anora, as if she was the hostess and not the other way around.

"While the Arl may think I've been doing nothing except swooning for his precious Prince the last week, I have watched and listened. Half the Nobility think Alistair is a fraud, a great part fears that there is no blight and that this is a Grey Warden coup. Having an Orlesian Warden suddenly turning up did nothing to stifle those fears, and many are still loyal to your Father. The outcome is too uncertain. The blight is real; I've seen the Arch Demon in the Deep Roads with my own eyes. The question is when it will strike. If the country is not united then we'll all perish."

Elissa took a deep breath. "My proposal is that you abandon your father to support Alistair's claim to the throne and he in return declares that he will marry you for the stability of the regency that will swing enough votes. The Arl have surely hinted something in this direction, but he is lying. He does not want a clever woman around to influence Alistair."

"And you do? I find that highly unlikely." Anora's objection was mostly reflex, Elissa could tell that her brain was already working out implications.

"Anora, be clever. I need you because you will balance out the Arl, leaving Alistair to find his own path. He has the makings of a great King. I will not let Eamon turn him into a puppet. You will fight his battles when he can't, it's your nature. And you need him more than he needs you, so you'll do your bloody best too."

"I don't need Alistair. I am already a ruling Queen."

Elissa was out of patience now. "Oh for Blight's sake, wake up! Without your father you'll only be the daughter of a traitor without a drop of royal, or even noble blood. You think everyone has forgotten who Loghain was, but once he's gone they will remember, believe me." She ended in a more reasonable tone. "Your only chance will be to cling to Alistair." She rose. "But before that there is still a blight to end and we'll need your unconditional support. If you are really lucky we'll both die and then you'll rule alone. Rather you than Eamon frankly."

"Why do you hate the Arl so much?"

"Just let me say that I have my reasons." Elissa emptied her glass, so much for good intentions.

"And you? Will you be waiting in curtains, pulling the strings behind my back? Is this the price I have to pay." Again Elissa shook her head, as if in wonder.

"No, that would not work, for either of us. I will leave. The price for the crown is your father's head. Are you sure you're still willing to pay?"

Anora's eyes filled with tears even as she nodded. "Yes" she whispered. Elissa was pleased. She was strong this woman. In another place and another time they might have been friends. She put the glass down on the lacquered table. "Thank you again for receiving me. I will take my leave now. We'll see each other again tomorrow, at the Landsmeet. "

As Elissa was reaching for the handle of the door she stopped, and added, almost as an afterthought. "And Anora, please remember this, in case you would feel inclined to change your mind." She turned her piercing gray eyes once more at the Queen.

"If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem."


	45. Chapter 45

**A note:** Long time no write. I do not do this on purpose or anything, the inspiration just wasn't there. Still I have come this far, and I would hate not to come to a fitting end. Here is a small step on my way. Reviewers, you are more precious to me than ever. My Beta Kubar, well, you know anyway...

**Disclaimers:** Just get the show on the road

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><p>Alistair wanted to kill something, anything. His hand was constantly reaching for the handle of his sword as if reminding himself that he could. He had known this day would come, known and dreaded it ever since Eamon first voiced his plans. Somehow he had managed to push it aside while they were still struggling with the alliances but Now it was here, and worse than he even had imagined. Without even noticing he shouldered aside one of the guards that was not quick enough in getting out of his way. His brain was still replaying the disastrous confrontation from the morning. The clash with Elissa this morning kept repeating itself in his brain.<p>

The first thing he had noticed when he woke was that Elissa was already up, that alone made him pause. The fact that she was also in armor caused a sinking feeling in his gut which was reinforced when she turned from gazing out the window, and he knew that she had been crying. Even before she opened her mouth and spoke, he knew.

"We need to talk."

His first reaction had been denial. "I can't believe you could even suggest such a thing!" before he continued listening with rising anger as she counted off all her reasons, all perfectly logical, that was the thing that disturbed him the most. This cold reasoning person was not Elissa. Elissa would be throwing inanimate objects around, not saying things like "If we do not get Anora on our side we've lost." in an almost level tone.

"You cannot be certain of this." He had objected even as a sane part of his brain had recognized the truth of her words. He had had his doubts himself concerning Eamon's insistence that presenting him as the sole heir of the Theirin line would be an immediate key to success.

"This is some kind of bad joke right? Me, and Anora?" he had tried once more, hating the way his voice sounded harsh.

"If you have a better idea then you better come up with it fast, cause I'm quite out!" Elissa shot back. She sounded tired when he had expected defiance.

Alistair's body grew numb as he felt the jaws of the trap he had eluded for so long close around him. He realized that he had actually come to expect Elissa to pull his chestnuts out of the fire at the last instant with one of those inspired moves that sometimes bordered on lunacy. When had that happened? He remembered very clearly that there had been a time when he would not have trusted her to get him out of a barn with the door wide open.

"You're not really asking me to do this are you?" he asked, searching her eyes in a desperate attempt to find an opening, any opening.

"Of course I don't you idiot! But we have to stop fooling ourselves, what we had was a dream. This is reality we're dealing with now! Sure, I could have tried offering her the throne herself, but that would have left us relying on her word of honor, which is totally out of the question. She needs a stronger bridle than that. The moment we open the door to the Landsmeet today, there are only two options, take power or take our place in the line to the chopping block." As is trying to convince herself she added. "Our obligation is to stop the blight, at all cost."

"Stop parroting Riordan to me! I got the bloody same lines. Not that I didn't get it the first time around. "Alistair started to throw clothes on his body, swearing when he heard a seam tear in protest of his violent handling. "And since when did you enter duty to the Wardens at the top of your to-do list anyway?"

"Maybe I just need to believe in something." She shot back. He could see that she was starting to get angry as well. "At least Riordan is paying the price out of his own skin, unlike Eamon."

"This again? Just how much time have you two spent together?" He gave the last words an undertone.

She turned around to lash at him with anger and despair as if seeing him in a totally different light. He cringed inwardly.

"Are you asking me if I am screwing Riordan? I don't even trust him! I trust no one anymore! The only person I have ever trusted is you!" She drew a shuddering breath before continuing. "And do not think I'm not willing to pay. If I thought it would keep us together I would do Loghain and the entire city guard with a smile on my face but it won't."

Alistair could see the tears flowing freely down her cheeks. In his heart he knew that every word she had just spoken was sincere. He wanted to reach out to her but to acknowledge these feelings now would break him. Instead he harnessed himself with cold anger.

"Fine, have it your way, that's what you're used to." That was not what he wanted to say, just what came out of his mouth, too late to stop. Elissa swerved and walked out of the room, slamming the door behind her, he had almost smiled at the familiarity of it.

They had not spoken a word since. He had armored himself in silence and wrath, she pretended not to notice.

Killing Ser Cautrien as she was trying to stop them from entering the hall did almost nothing to lessen the tension inside him, but felt good none the less. He did not pause to wipe his sword, even knowing that entering with blood running down his blade would not be to his advantage. The look on Loghain's face gave him all the reward he needed. The man quickly collected himself, Loghain would not have been where he was if he had let himself be thrown by such things as the death of a trusted follower.

Alistair let Elissa handle the arguments, he was too busy searching the Regent's face for visible proofs of the rottenness in his soul. To his surprise he found none, perhaps Loghain was a bit more careworn, but nothing you could put your finger on. It seemed unnatural to Alistair that a man could be the source of so much evil and yet retain a human face. He woke from his reverie when Anora came into the hall to add her accusations against her father. As Elissa had infuriatingly predicted this was what swung the Landsmeet around. he tried to concentrate on the continuing debate but all he could think about was death.

"Alistair's claim to the throne is challenged, a duel will decide the outcome." he heard the reverend Mother say as if from a distance.

"I agree." Alistair responded quickly to forestall any other bright suggestion Elissa might have.

"To the death." Loghain whispered to him alone as they readied themselves.

Alistair adjusted the grip on his shield. "Why bother otherwise?"

The two men circled each other in the dance of rivaling males, as old as time itself. The first strokes was just to test the mettle of the other. Elissa held her breath, she hated not to be able to be a part of it. But as Alistair had stood back when she had killed Howe, she had to stand back now. Her breath caught as Loghain managed to cut low at Alistair's legs with a motion taught by old experience. There was a sharp clash of steel as the stroke was blocked at the last instance. The combatants circled once more.

It was the regent who was the first to mount an attack. His powerful swings forced Alistair to give ground again and again. Steel met steel with a grinding that made her teeth ache. Elissa could hear the faint sounds of cheering from sycophants fearing they had backed the wrong horse. It took even her several breathless moments to realize that Alistair was deflecting each and every blow with comparative ease. He wanted to let Loghain give his best and to let everyone in the hall know it. When Alistair decided it was enough and changed gear a sigh of indrawn breath went through the audience.

Elissa smiled. Loghain had never had any chance. Clever as he no doubt was, his fighting days were in the past. He was now facing a man that had fought almost every day against any manner of creature for the better part of one year. In a few swift movements she could not separate the Regent was on his back with Alistair's sword to his throat.

"I yield." Loghain croaked.

Alistair blinked as if waking from a dream. "You...yield?"

"I yield. There is something of Maric in you after all."

"Forget Maric, this is for Duncan!" Alistair hissed raising his sword. His arm was suddenly locked in a grip he could not break. He swerved around to see who would dare. He blinked when realizing it was not one of Loghains men, it was one of their own.

"The Teryn is a warrior and a general of great renown , let him go through the joining." The Senior Warden repeated letting go of his grip.

With awe he saw Elissa swing to face Riordan, Alistair was left speechless at the lack of deference he was witnessing, even if he was cheering her on inwardly. That line of being united it purpose was flawless, and he had to admit he had no clue either as of the implication of having three or four wardens at hand. As Elissa unkindly pointed out to their presumably superior, that was too little, too late.

Naturally Anora was quick enough to seize upon this rift suddenly revealed between the Wardens. Alistair brutally interrupted her plea for her father's life.

"Becoming a Grey warden is an honor, not a punishment. Loghain has to die for his crimes." At that he shook of Riordan's hand, instead seeking Elissa's eyes, she nodded almost imperceptibly. An unwanted wave of gratitude was exchanged, they had traveled this road together for so long, she was the only one who truly understood, the only one who ever would. He loved and hated her for that as he raised his sword for the final blow.

When the headless corpse lay on the floor and he saw the Queen, correction, his future wife splattered with the blood of her father Alistair came back to reality.

"I'm sorry, but it had to be." his words was directed to Anora for the first time.

"I know. I was...not without warning." He did not miss the quick gaze that passed between Elissa and the Queen. Why did he always feel as he was left out of all important decisions lately? Maybe because he was. Right now he was too drained to care. He willingly let Anora talk to the Landsmeet, for both of them. Right, get used to that. He threw in some words at the end concerning the importance to stop the Blight. He hoped he managed to sound minimum coherent.

Something connected with the pain he was feeling inside forced him to confront Elissa later the same evening. She had taken refuge amongst the company, if she had hoped that would stop him, she would be sourly mistaken. He threw all his accusations and frustration at her, she rose to the bait just as he had suspected, Elissa had never been the one to keep her cool for long intervals. When they were both spent they stood face to face, much like he and Loghain had. Except that this time both had delivered mortal blows and were just letting the blood flow unheeding. Why? Because she was the only one who would be truly hurt, just as he was. When he turned to walk away he knew this was just another hollow victory.


	46. Chapter 46

**A note:** Thank you Gaspode for giving me the kick in the but I needed to pull this one off. We're have so much angst to go, why not have a little fluff on the side. And Riordan, I don't know where you came from but you're eating up my story, get lost! Was that me or Elissa, or both? Thank you all for reading, reviewing and hanging on!

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><p>As the new King to-be it was Alistair who led the army towards Redcliffe to face the Darkspawn. Elissa felt like she was just dragged along in his wake, in fact she was content to, she was drained, of purpose, of commitment, of affection.<p>

With the new responsibilities of the crown, Alistair had risen to the occasion as she had known he would. He kissed Anora's cheek at their departure from Denerhim to the cheering of the crowd. A new king, strong and handsome, with their beloved beautiful queen. All served to raise the moral of the city in face of the Blight. Anora's cheeks were blushing prettily, Elissa wanted to stab her in the face. She knew she had made the right call, why did she feel so dirty? She ignored the glance Alistair sent her way. If he was out to punish her for her decision, that was rather small-minded of him, surely he should know that he was not the only suffering the consequences. Elissa pretended to be too absorbed by Leliana's chatter to notice.

Did she have a plan for the future? No. She could not see further than the end of the Blight. The only bright spot was that when traveling in the company of Redcliffe Elite soldiers a camp was set every night with a guarded perimeter, so she could sleep all night if the Dark Dreams did not intervene. Her rather spacious tent was raised by someone else, dinners were not prepared by Alistair, not even once. If she wanted she could order a bath or use the erected steam house in the evenings. She felt a tug of nostalgia for the bad old days when they were all tripping over themselves trying to get the best spot to erect their small shelters in the darkness, always suspecting that someone else had found the one without brambles and roots. The hastily prepared meal, the quick splash in a freezing brook, if you even had the urge to bother. The smoke from the campfire actually did a lot to cover the smell of unwashed bodies. And there had been Alistair, always there had been Alistair.

She was in a truly rotten mood this evening, having rebuffed everyone trying to keep her company and cheer her up until she was finally left alone staring into the flames. Her thoughts turning in morbid spirals. She had done what she had deemed necessary, but she had gone about it in the same underhand way as everyone else she despised. Why, she was no better than Eamon, in fact, she was worse. Admitting such a thing, even to herself, made her feel like crying.

Something tugged at her mind, taint, but not the one she was aching for. Bloody Blight, Riordan should team up with Wynne in the 'unwanted company & advise' section.

"I'm not talking to you, so you may save yourself the effort and get lost!"

To her surprise he laughed before he seated himself beside her. "You're quite a handful, aren't you?"

"Your opinion, not mine. I believe I asked you to leave me alone, or was I not explicit enough?"

"No you were perfectly rude and clear. Sometimes I forget how blunt and refreshing Fereldans can be."

Elissa suddenly found she was glad to have a guilty target to went some of her spleen on. "Why should I listen to anything you say after that little stunt you pulled at the Landsmeet? Had I not had Anora in hand before, the tables would have turned and it would have been entirely your fault. Why don't you just do your Warden stuff and die in whatever way you think appropriate and stop interfering."

He drew his hand along his cheek before answering. "That was a misjudgment on my part. Alistair has perhaps given you a different view of the Wardens, but we are not infallible."

She was startled enough by his admission to answer with sincerity, why did this man always seem to do that?

"I wanted you to be."

"If I'm not what you expected, I apologize, but I do not know how to be anyone else."

There, he did it again, disarmed her with words. She had to learn that trick. "I still hate you and your bloody Order!" she persisted.

"I'm sorry to hear that, especially since It's your Order as well." he reached out to poke at the fire, much as Alistair always did when he was troubled. The reminder made her heart ache.

"Can I leave the Wardens, or will you kill me if I try?"

"I should probably not tell you this, but Yes, you can. However, you can never escape what is burnt into your blood."

She nodded grimly, that she had figured out already. They sat in silence for awhile. Elissa watched the sparks from the fire, following their flight until they suddenly winked out. Much like hope.

"I wonder what kind of Warden I had been If you had been my Mentor." Elissa finally admitted.

He stretched. "I would no doubt have made a terrible botch out of it; Duncan was always so much better at dealing with recruits. Anyway, one of my reasons for seeking you out was to tell you that I am leaving. I'm heading towards Ostagar at dawn tomorrow with a company of raiders; I will try to seek the source of the Blight."

"And you need my help? I won't come you know!"

He laughed again, she caught a brief glimpse of the person he had once been. She half regretted her harsh words, only half though.

"No. I don't need you, but there is someone else who does." He stood reaching out his hand in a conciliatory gesture. She did not take it but indicated that she would follow, that was as far as she would go. She followed him to his tent, she had her hopes but she did not dare to let it show. Riordan opened the flap and indicated a figure stretched across a camp table.

"Alistair loves you, be kind if you are able." He smiled to take the edge of his words.

"I can, when I choose to be." She answered in mimicry of Morrigan before taking the few steps across the floor. "Thank you Riordan, this is actually the second time you have brought us together."

"Oh, I wasn't aware, maybe I should put matchmaking on my list of skills then." She did not miss the mockery in his tone as he left.

She advanced carefully. Alistair was laying prone on a small table, sound asleep and clearly drunk. She briefly wondered what he had needed to discuss with Riordan, but left it at that. It was not her business after all. She lay down herself in an opposite position. Not many days ago it would have been perfectly natural to reach out and touch his face, but now, to her regret, it was not. She lay in silence listening to his breathing and the way the light from the lantern played across his face. When he finally tried to shift position she caught his hand. His eyes flew open, otherwise he did not move.

"Hello brute." she ventured.

"Hello brat." he answered after a moment's hesitation.

"My name is Elissa, Grey Warden and a fantastic failure."

"I'm Alistair, King of Ferelden and a total mess." she could see the corners of his mouth curling.

Gingerly she let her hand slide up his neck spreading her fingers at the base of his head. He closed his eyes with a frown. She could feel the clash of conflicting emotions within him.

"Why did you do this to me?"

"Why did you let it happen?" His long lashes were still shading his eyes, she could read nothing from his face, but he wave of despair erupting from him made her eyes mist.

"Tell me to leave and I will, but I love you more than ever." she whispered, she had nothing to lose.

"Maker help me. I wish I didn't but I do." he admitted.

She smiled at the ambiguousness of his answer. That was so Alistair. Her heart started leaping and bouncing in her chest. She tightened her grip on his neck and carefully edged close enough to kiss him. This upside down position made his lips seem unfamiliar, yet the same. His tasted of wine and loneliness.

"We shouldn't be doing this." He protested weakly.

"Says who? The King?" She reasoned. In answer he grabbed the back of her head, deepening the kiss.

"I hate you." He mumbled into her mouth.

"Oh, I hate you too." She answered.

With that out of the way the road was clear. Neither could say afterwards what specific movements brought them together they just knew it was inevitable.

"This is not even your tent." Alistair tried to protest, but very weakly since he was struggling with the fancy lacing on his breeches at the same time.

"That is the price Riordan has to pay!" Elissa panted while drawing her tunic over her head.

"I can't believe I'm saying this, but I cannot continue without you." Alistair admitted afterwards. He was laying with his head on her stomach. Elissa drew one hand through his hair.

"Of course you can! You're doing great already. It is not I or Eamon who have gotten us this far. You have proven yourself again and again, beyond any doubt. But why did you think you would have to. We did not start this together but we'll finish it together!" Elissa said with a surety she did not possess.

He nodded. "And after?"

"Let's not be greedy. After that we'll see. Likely we'll be dead." She could feel him smile at that.

"Most likely." he agreed. "But not tonight." His hand had already started traveling up her thigh.

"No, so let's make it last. We have the stamina of the fabled Grey Wardens have we not? Why not put it to good use. There's pretty little else in that's useful on that side of the scales."

"Till the end then!" he stated.

"Till the end of Blight." She confirmed.


	47. Chapter 47

**A Note:** These chapters are coming off very slowly, or is it be becoming more careful about what I write? I so much prefer when things roll out smoothly (who does not?). Enough rambling. Here's the next chapter. Wanted to get it up before the weekend is over so it's unfortunately un-betaed. Corrections will no doubt be forthcoming.

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><p>"Owen! Valena!" Alistair spotted Elissa career off to the smithy out of the corner of his eye. Wincing he fell rather than jumped from the body of the Ogre he had just slain together with Morrigan. Her bitter healing was biting into his body right now, and was there a small smirk on her face? He submitted, rolling over on his back eyes closed, while collecting his breath and his thoughts.<p>

He had actually felt good facing down Eamon to take his small group by the South Road. He would have to pay for that later he guessed, but it was great to be out of the heavy plate Eamon had insisted he wear for the march to enforce his Royal appearance. Really! who could fight in those things anyway? Sten that's who! No way was he going to wear anything like that to a real battle! He would be better off in a dress, at least then he would be able to move, or something. Alistair had noticed the Arl's eyes narrow a bit before he answered. "Certainly, that seems wise." In a tone that implied anything but.

Even so he knew he had been right. Every one of this company had more experience with what they were facing than the Elite of Redcliffe. Even Leliana had washed more darkspawn blood out of her ears than most existing Wardens, and she was an Archer. He would even call the Mutt a seasoned veteran. He had tried to raise the subject of recruiting with Riordan, but the Warden had been strangely reluctant, which he had found a bit queer since he had not been so bloody picky when it came to Loghain. Finally Alistair had to admit to himself that the only one he could imagine willing to go through the joining was Sten, and what if it was unsuccessful, that would not really improve anything.

A sudden wail from the smithy made his head jerk up.

"The keg! The beautiful brew! Look what the Bastards have done!" Alistair lay back again and tried to shut his ears to the rather explicit descriptions of what Oghren had in mind for the next dozen or so of Spawn he came across. He tried to picture the Dwarf as a Grey Warden again, no, not a chance. He smiled as he felt the familiar presence of Elissa squatting next to him. "There were no bodies in the smithy at least." she mused. He got up on his elbow to oversee the small village center.

"Not many lying around at all." Zevran agreed, exiting one of the larger houses near the village center.

"Most of them seemed to have escaped to the castle then, just as that man on the road said. Thank the maker." Leliana breathed.

"You Alright." he felt Elissa's hand on his forehead.

"I am now." he said. The light in her eyes when she smiled almost blinded him.

"Did you see that last smite?" she queried, angling for a compliment.

He smiled back. "I did, unbelievable! I think the little monster looked much better smeared against the Chantry wall."

Wynne scoffed at the frivolity, but good-naturally. Wynne was really getting better at not barging in with her own interpretation every time someone opened their mouths.

"The castle must be well under siege then." Sten grumbled, picking at a shoulder pad that had come loose, before tearing it off with an impatient gesture.

"Then we break it." Alistair got to his feet. Why couldn't life always be like this. He realized more than ever that this was where he belonged. This was what he really excelled at, killing Darkspawn. All the 'what Nobel must ride before who', 'Cheese supply running low' and whatnot, was not for him! Not that he was incapable, as Morrigan excelled in suggesting, but that he really could not force himself to care, frankly he hated it. And even if they by some miracle managed to take down the Arch Demon, what then? Not only would he have to continue handling petty squabbles on a daily basis. He would have to roll over Anora as well, probably a number of times. Adjusting his gear with a sigh he signaled the others to follow. Death was certainly an option.

His declaration of intent had been delivered with a touch of bravado but it seemed to have served as a prediction. They had fought head to head with the soldiers of Redcliffe. A few grizzled veterans that had known him from childhood had saluted him as their leader with relief on their faces. That had struck him as heartbreaking and terrifying at the same time. Thank the Maker he had not let them down. The realization that this was only the beginning almost made him wish he was back in the Deep Roads. No not the Roads, the Brezilian, definitely the Brezilian.

Elissa was leaning rather heavily on his arm, she had taken a wound to her leg. How many times would he need to remind her to curl instead of flop when she overreached. Wynne was crowding in to finalize the healing and as she gingerly tested putting weight on his leg he reluctantly felt her let go her grip rushing forward to joyously greet Bann Teagan. Alistair grinned as well, the Bann was a welcome addition. They clapped shoulders and exchanged a few quips concerning who should now bow to who, but Alistair noticed Teagan, always the more sensitive of the two brothers, searching his face for clues about how he really felt. He gave the older man a tight squeeze to indicate that he had noticed and was grateful.

"Unfortunately we have had indication that we are in the wrong place. The bulk of the Horde is marching towards Denerhim." Eamon stated, retaking the initiative.

Alistair had suspected that the siege had broken a bit to easily and without any Arch Demon in sight, but he had wanted to cling to hope. "But the information we received…?"

"False, evidently." Eamon turned and Alistair recognized Riordan standing slightly behind the Arl, staring into the fire."

The Warden answered without turning."Yes, Denerhim is the true target. The dragon is at the head of the horde."

"Are you sure?" Alistair insisted. "Are you really sure?"

"Yes, I came close enough to…listen in." The Orlesian seemed to retract into his own thoughts.

Alistair turned towards Eamon and Teagan. He was on the verge of asking them what to do before he realized that he was the one supposed to come up with a plan. Brain working furiously he established that it was possible to send riders to divert the Dwarwen and Elven forces toward the Capital immediately, while the Mages should be sent by boat to land at the North end of lake Calenhad to shorten their path. He turned towards Eamon and the assembled nobles.

"I need every horse you can provide, palfreys, draft-horses -everything, and they all go to the elite warriors. I will lead them myself and we set off at dawn tomorrow. Eamon, how soon before the rest can march?"

The Arl seemed a bit taken aback but recovered swiftly. "In two days."

"So all we have to do then is to kill the Arch Demon. I suppose chopping off it's head will do nicely!" His attempt at humor was rewarded with a scattering of nervous laughter. He noticed Teagan wink and smile at him, he shrugged, relieved that he had done quite well. The feeling left him and he felt his heart sink to the bottom of his belly when he saw that Riordan was regarding him with an expression of grief mixed with something like irritation. He was not surprised when the Senior Warden quietly asked him to bring Elissa to his room later. Something about that made him want to put it off as long as possible, preferably forever. Unlike Elissa who seemed to take comfort in the Senior Wardens frank admissions of mistakes, Alistair was rather disappointed. He had expected Riordan to be more like Duncan, telling him what to do and how to do it. The certainty in Duncan's voice had always made him believe he could, while the Orlesian's vague suggestions that seemed to imply that he should make up his own mind almost made him want to scream.

He greeted the Dwarwen delegation that has recently arrived to get the status of the force from Orzammar. After that he proceeded to talk to Teagan while a part of his mind was mulling over what was about to come. He ransacked his brain for clues but came up empty. Finally there was no getting around it any more. Just outside Riordan's room he kissed Elissa, for luck.

Elissa threw herself on her back on Alistair's bed with a cross between a scream and a groan escaping her lips. "This can't be happening! How much shit can you wardens dish out and expect obeisance? This is hopeless! If we fail we die, if we succeed we die!"

Alistair flinched a bit at the _'you wardens'_ his feelings were going in the same direction, but he was more accustomed with acceptance. "Even so you could have been a bit less explicit. The man is offering his life before ours after all."

"So? He's half dead already!" Elissa pressed the heels of her palms to her eyes. "No, you're right, Sod it! I will apologize, tomorrow...or the day after, at the latest."

Alistair sat down in a chair digging his fingers through his hair. "I think you should. That smart comment about the ritual didn't sit well at all. We need him, more then ever...now."

"So we have a plan? We do our best to serve him the Dragon?" Elissa persisted, raising herself on her elbows to look him in the eyes.

Alistair winced. "It sounds so callous when you say it like that."

She glanced away. "I know, I hate it myself. The man is such an excellence in contradiction, sometimes I swear I don't know whether I want to kiss him or strangle him."

"Tonight I felt much the same, without the kissing part naturally!" He went over to put his head in her lap.

"It's all about us really, it has always been all about us." She caressed his neck.

Alistair smiled at the certainty in her tone. She was prone to statements like that, as if saying them would make them true. "I know. I agree. But you are wrong when you state it's all about us, It's about the people of Ferelden."

"It's about you or me." She insisted.


	48. Chapter 48

**A Note:** A traditional chapter that nevertheless had to be written because of the implications. Many, many thanks to my beta, readers & reviewers. I'm busy trying to find inspiration for the next.

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><p>Elissa had reluctantly left Alistair to dart back to her own room to retrieve The Prince. She half hoped Sten had collected him already as he was wont to do when he felt she neglected the 'Noble Warrior', never missed to point that out either. Opening the door she was surprised to find Morrigan there. They had not spoken much since 'the Flemeth incident' and this came quite out of the blue, not to mention unwelcome. Before she had the time to collect her thoughts the Witch spoke an a calm voice.<p>

"I can tell from your face that your Colleague has finally told you what my mother already knew. I'm relieved, coming from me, you would not have believed it."

"You think you know more about these things than a Senior Grey Warden?" Elissa blurted.

"I do not, but my mother does, and this is the real reason she sent me with you." The witch continued in the same matter-of-fact tone. "To slay the Arch Demon a Grey Warden has to die. I've come to tell you that this does not have to be. I have a way out, you see. A loop in your hole" the Witch was outlined in front of the fireplace, did she not have a sense of dramatics? Elissa was pretty sure she would like neither the loop nor the hole but she was intrigued enough to answer.

"To save our lives? Excuse me for being skeptical, but that does not have the ring of truth to it."

"No." Morrigan scoffed at Elissa as if she was being particularly dense. "Saving your or Alistair's life is but a side effect. Though It might matter to you."

Elissa sank down on the bed. "What's the catch?"

"You have to convince Alistair to sleep with me, tonight!"

"You want to have sex with Alistair?" Elissa could not credit her ears.

"Fool, it is not for my enjoyment, and certainly not for his. I will use magic to conceive a child. If the Arch demon is slain his soul will be called by this child like a beacon. And unlike a Warden it will absorb the essence without harm."

"You want to give birth to a Demon?"

"I will give birth to a child with the soul of an old God. Not a Demon or Darkspawn"

"But why Alistair? Why not Riordan?" Elissa asked.

Morrigan waved off her suggestion. "As if he would! And it would not work anyway, the taint in him is too strong. I would have preferred otherwise, but no, It must be Alistair."

"Has it ever occurred to you that if your goal is to get a person into bedding you, being nice is a good way to start." Elissa was still struggling with the idea.

A smirk grew on the lips of the Witch."Is that a belated observation of your own?"

"Also, If you want someone to do you a favor it would serve you better not to smart-mouth them!" Elissa shot back.

"Well I'm doing you a favor as well, am I not? Do you for one instant think I will enjoy having intercourse with the Templar?"

"You may find you have a taste for the extreme, and so may he." Elissa muttered under her breath.

"Don't be a fool. I'm potentially saving Alistair or Riordan's life that's what. I would say yours too, but I think it highly unlikely that you will be the one who finishes off the Arch Demon. If indeed any of you are capable."

Elissa sank down on the bed, trying to digest that bitter truth. "Very well, go and ask Alistair then."

The shape-shifter gave an exasperated sigh. "If I thought I could get him to agree I would be In his room right now and not wasting time with you here."

As usual the the witch was honest, even if the implication was repugnant. "You want ME to convince him?"

"Who else? And I suggest you are very persuasive."

Elissa almost stumbled through the door. Once outside she rested her forehead against the wall. Her head was spinning, she needed to think, but not here. She staggered outside. For one evening this was really too much. Once there she slid to the ground. It was raining, she raised her face to catch the drops hoping they would cleanse her from the dirt and regrets she had inside. She desperately needed to get back to Alistair. The meaning of Riordan's words had begun to filter down through her rage, kept repeating in her brain. _'Die, die, a Grey Warden has to die. To slay the Arch Demon a Grey Warden has to die.. _

"You are emotional Warden." Sten's voice emerged from the darkness.

Elissa drew a hand across her eyes, stifling something between a laugh and a sob. "Emotional? Yes, I guess you could call it that."

"I have watched you for a long time now. I admit I failed to notice at the beginning, You'll admit you hid your qualities very well, but you are made of true steel."

"Thank you, but I highly doubt that. I'm going to try to persuade...someone to to something he would hate, just to upper our chances of survival."

A large hand settled on her shoulder. "That is the nature of true steel, it does not break, it bends."

"Thank you Sten!" Elissa rose. "I have to go now!"

"You are welcome Kadaan."

Even before she returned to Alistair she knew this would not work. It had been the coward inside her speaking. She decided to tell him anyway, just to give him the option.

"If what Morrigan says is true. None of us need to die." she repeated when he did not respond.

"As if it isn't bad enough to imagine that I have to impregnate Anora, but Morrigan too! and we only have HER word for it! Are you completely out of your mind!"

"I'm afraid." she confessed. " I'm not like you two, I don't have what it takes."

In a few swift steps he had crossed the distance and caught her by the shoulders, looking her right in the eyes. "Are you really asking me to do this? are you absolutely sure?"

Elissa still felt that a slim chance was better than none, but it was, after all, his decision. Her days as a manipulator were over. She would do anything to keep him alive, except this. Sten was wrong, she was not true steel after all. She was brittle and breakable.

"No."

"Good! That settles it then!"

She regarded him as he pulled his garment off with an angry gesture, the muscles rippling across his back, the perfect line from neck to jaw. He was so bloody beautiful! it made her brain weep.

"Peace." she whispered.

"You don't even know the meaning of the word." he sighed. "That's one of the reasons why I love you."


	49. Chapter 49

**A note:** So here we take one more step on our Highway to hell. Thank you all for hanging on, double hugs and kin-pinches the one's who still take time to review, my Beta Kubar naturally get double pinches. ;-)

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><p>"Morrigan is still hanging around. I would have thought she would leave when she didn't get what she wanted." Elissa glanced carefully at the Witch as they were preparing to ride the next morning.<p>

"Who knows what the bitch is up to." Alistair shot back. "Maybe she decided to try for Riordan after all."

"We'll never know will we, or would you care to ask him if he accidentally knocked up a witch last night?" Elissa whispered.

Alistair mouth curved. "Nope, but I'm glad we're not short of a really bad-ass Battlemage."

"Me too, I wish there had been a way." Elissa muttered. She regarded Alistair as he was readying his horse, his profile exquisite as he was deeply concentrated on the adjustments to his horse's cinch.

"You know how to sit a horse I hope." Elissa whispered.

A smile rose to his lips. "Oh yes, I rode a lot before I was sent to the chantry, only the horses in the pasture did not come equipped with saddle or bridle." he whispered.

Elissa laughed, she could well imagine Alistair as a rough boy climbing atop the warhorses of Redcliffe just for the thrill. "I'm sure you'll do just fine, and this one goes here." she took his hand to guide him.

"I know, saddling horses I'm good at." he winked. "But don't let that stop you from instructing me, if it will keep you this close."

During this forced sprint there was not much chance for her and Alistair to be alone. When Alistair had stated that they would travel light he had been taken at his word. He was sharing tent with Riordan, while Elissa was sharing with Wynne and Leliana. The couple had to stay carefully neutral. To everyone except some of the men from Redcliffe Alistair was a stranger and as yet unproven in his Kingship. Even if he was supposedly the son of Maric, not a small part of his claim lay in the fact that Anora was supporting it. She desperately needed his warmth, his easy grace, his generous soul. She wanted to devour him like ravenous beast and keep him inside her forever, but it was simply not to be. Restlessly she wandered the camp as the fires were running low.

She passed by the King's tent, her brain was spinning, she wanted to rave and rant at someone, or cry, or whatever. She could sense Alistair was not there, but Riordan was, she opened the flap without asking for permission. Once inside she realized that he was sleeping, face buried in his arms. A sudden wave of abandonment swept over her, she sat down heavily on Alistair's bed. He would be late in returning, no doubt out talking to the commanders or soldiers. Elissa knew he felt strongly responsible for their lives and well-being, and he had a knack for it as well. What problems he could not solve he defused with his humor and genuine warmth. He would do well -King Alistair, if he lived long enough.

She took one of his tunics which he had left on the bed, uncharacteristically unfolded. No matter how he felt about his Templar training it had left him with a few skills she appreciated. Holding his garment to her face she remembered a row they had had about her nonexistent skills of organization. It had ended with her storming out, screaming to Morrigan to set fire to the tent with him inside, to which the Witch had only rolled her eyes. All that seemed such a long time ago now, like something from the Fade, before reality came crashing down around their ears.

She lay down on his bed, the scent of him was on the pillow, it reminded her of how they had made up afterwards. She needed at least to be able to lay in his bed for a while, if anyone thought it improper that she was alone with her Warden colleague, fine. She didn't care. Burying her head in the pillow to soak up as much as possible of his scent, she closed her eyes, tomorrow they would strike Denerim. Lulled by the familiarity and the Wardens slow breathing she fell asleep.

_"Come to me, you know you love me. I do! Look at me, am I not beautiful? Yes you are, you are perfect! I'm waiting for you. I'm coming! How will you find me? I will always find you! STOPSTOPSTOPSTOPSTOP! Get out! Get out of my brain! NOW!NOW!NOW!" _

Elissa almost fell out of the low coach. She felt sick, on all four she draw shuddering breaths to keep herself from vomiting, saliva gathering at the back of her throat. Hands were suddenly holding her head, steadying her shoulders.

"Alistair?" she queried even knowing it was false hope.

"Drink. You'll feel better after." She felt the rim of a cup pressed into her hand. Having followed instruction she collapsed on her back. "Is it always like this?"

"I don't sleep much , anymore." She glanced up. Riordan's body was as slick with sweat as her own, his breathing rapid, for all the world it looked as they had recently completed a singularly satisfying sex act. She closed her eyes willing the remaining nausea to pass.

"The Demon speaks with the voice of a lover." she mumbled when she felt it safe to open her eyes again.

The warden rubbed his eyes with his hands before answering. "It does. That's why the Spawn find it I guess. I should have been in the Deep Roads or the Blightlands, weeks, if not months ago."

"Will you still be able to kill it?" She was begging for reassurance.

His smile never reached his eyes. "You believe it impossible to kill what you love?"

"I would think so, yes, or at least very much harder." What a strange question, Elissa mused.

"You are wrong, sometimes it even makes it easier." As once before, he removed the hair from her face gently.

She appreciated the fact that she did not have to fake emotions with this man, in fact she appreciated it more and more. What she had meant to do and say suddenly forgotten. "Help me find the courage to do the right thing!" she pleaded.

"And what seems right to you?" he continued to stroke her hair as if calming an over-exited horse.

"The way you and Alistair seem to be able to act. To stop the Blight, at all cost! You came here alone, did you not? To do that!"

He shook his head. "No, I did not come for you two, or Ferelden, I came for Duncan." the words came as a statement without regret.

"Oh." As always this frank admission left Elissa floundering, bloody Duncan! He left a path of pain everywhere he went.

"I just don't want Alistair to die tomorrow. Is that really too much to ask?"

The hand stopped for a moment. "Yes, from the day of your joining, and tomorrow we will be far from exclusive in dying."

Elissa nodded, that seemed impossibly reasonable. "I will stay here tonight, in his bed. If anyone dare to question, I was with you."

"Naturally! Was it good for you too?"

Elissa snorted with unexpected laughter. "Oh Andraste's ass, yes! I think you showed me some Orlesian tricks as well." She rolled over on her to catch his eyes. " I love Alistair, body and soul, but If we had never met I might have loved you.

The shadow passing before his eyes made her regret her words, when he spoke it was as if to someone else. "That would have been destructive in the extreme." As if returning to the present he drew a hand through his hair before climbing to his feet. "I'm going out for a while."

When he had exited Elissa clambered back into the King's bed, of reassurance she had received little, of confusion, a lot. _'I'm so not cut out to be a Warden.'_ her mind complained, but then again, she was pretty sure Riordan had been unsuitable as well.

When Alistair finally returned she was still awake and they were still alone. He gave no word of protest, quietly and gratefully welcoming her presence. Laughing silently at her cover-up story.

"I didn't dare hope." he murmured against her skin.

"This will be the last time, no matter the end." she whispered. He did not immediately respond, but then slowly rose on one arm to look her straight in the eyes. As always his eyes were brilliant with his emotions. He slowly traced the edge of her jaw as if once more committing them to memory.

"This is it then, it ends tomorrow." the ambiguousness of his statement made Elissa's eyes fill with tears. She caught his hand, bringing it to her lips. "That it does, my love! That it does, one way or the other.


	50. Chapter 50

**A note:** Well this took quite some time, but here it is! A monstrous thank you to all who have read and reviewed. This was my first experience writing a fiction and you have all made it a delightful experience. A thousand hugs to my beta Kubar and his patient keyboard! I think this is the end, at least as I had imagined it, but I'm a fickle creature at times...

**Disclaimer**: no no no, just sue me

Elissa sank down with her back to a wall. Using the Berserker skill always made her light headed.

Finally the city gates were theirs again. Against all odds they were victorious and alive. Lifting her face from her hands she saw Alistair straightening, finding capacity beyond his exhaustion to smile and clap a few of the surviving soldiers on the back. More were crowding him, he was more than their king, he was their hope of life.

She had seen it in their eyes as they watched Alistair jog easily up the stairs to speak to them. He might not have recognized it himself yet, but in time, and with a little prodding from Anora, he would. His words had been lost to her, but as she watched the reaction on the faces in front of them she saw that he had them all mesmerized. She felt a moments regret, he was a King made for battle and she was no Queen. He touched her hand briefly as he started descending the stairs to launch the assault, incidentally or not, she had tried to return a confident grin. With a sudden lurch in her stomach Elissa wished she had pushed him a bit harder. Would it really have been that impossible to roll over Morrigan, just once? But all these regrets were like sand sifting thought her fingers now.

She looked at her companion expecting him to feel the same way, but he was gazing at the city with narrowed eyes, face hardened by purpose, she shivered. Dramatically outlined against the flaming city Alistair had all the appearance of an avenging god. At his side Riordan was searching the sky with a far-away look. Was that the answer, letting go of sanity? Gratefully she excepted a canteen offered by Wynne.

"I hope you wardens have a plan." The enchantress declared.

_'We have and it sucks!_' "Why don't you bother someone in charge." Elissa answered, glancing over at Alistair. She could see that he was arguing with the Senior Warden which was nothing short of exceptional. Whatever that was about she had no desire to be involved, Riordan had probably told him that the small print stated that they had to be naked and do a handstand while decapitating the beast. _'Good luck with that!'_ She smiled bitterly to herself while emptying the canteen, wishing it was something stronger, _much _stronger. She heard Alistair summon her, when she could ignore it no longer she clambered to her feet and padded over. He met her half ways to mutter in her ear.

"Riordan insists we must split, that it would be too easy for the Demon to evade us if we stick together, does that really seem like a good idea to you?"

"Why, I guess when it comes to Dragons and Demons he calls the shots." Elissa hedged.

"What? Surely we have a better chance as a group." Alistair tried to argue.

Elissa felt so tired trying to figure out what was wrong or right, she felt as if caught in a maelstrom going constantly faster towards the center. When she reached the senior warden she solemnly extended her hand. This was not a man one wrapped around a finger, quite to the contrary, you would find yourself deflected and out-maneuvered without realizing how it happened. Well, at least now she was aware. She felt a flicker of sadness at not having taken the opportunity to get to know him better, but again, she had had a lot on her plate already.

"Well, It's been good knowing you Brother, Goodbye -and Good luck." the Warden did not miss the implication, she could see a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth as he took her wrist in return.

"Thank you Sister, and Good luck!"

"You're going up alone against the Arch Demon." Alistair protested, this is madness. "What chance do you have?"

"As much as you I suppose." Riordan bent to say something to Alistair alone. When the Senior Warden released him Elissa could see the younger man blinking back tears. Together they watched Riordan's retreating back. She went over and laid her head on her companion's chest, the fierceness with which he held her told her that he was severely shaken.

"I still think we would have been better off sticking together" Alistair muttered.

"Nah, It's better this way." Elissa stated, trying to force surety into her voice.

Alistair frowned. "Maybe!" he released her and squared his shoulders. " So, the Generals or the Palace?"

"As long as WE stay together I couldn't care less. You decide!"

"How I wish you would give me that line from you more often!" the King-to-be smiled kissing her neck.

"Every time we face an Arch Demon, I promise! I'm nothing if not biddable."

Alistair smiled and shook his head testing the straps of his shield before tightening hers a notch. "I can't lose you!" he whispered.

Elissa flexed her shoulders. "It's out of our hands now."

Alistair gave her a tight grin. "The Generals then! At least we'll save some people that way."

"You'll make a great King, you great oaf!" Elissa felt tears growing in her eyes.

"Hush, one step at a time, now we focus on staying alive!" he caught her chin to imprint the message.

After a rough struggle two Generals were down and the alienage had been cleared. Largely by the elves themselves, as if in their darkest hour they had discovered the power hidden within them. Elissa sincerely hoped they would never forget it. She knew Alistair wouldn't, that was enough for her. The pair nodded to each other and started down the gate towards the Palace. Suddenly Elissa's world lurched and her head jerked up as she rode the back of the Arch demon, the city was burning below her and she had the glorious taste of dragon blood in her mouth. She closed her eyes at the richness of it.

"Elissa! he jumped, he actually jumped!, Riordan is on the back of the Dragon!" Alistair's voice was giddy with relief and admiration. Elissa shook her head . She was still stumbling across a small square near the Palace, not flying, not anywhere even remotely compliant. The only blood in her mouth was her own. She felt immensely disappointed. She glanced toward the flaming rooftops and was caught again. The Dragon was bucking and swerving violently, she could feel it beneath her. It's huge black heart beating, the link between them forged in blood. _'As you die,I die'_. With an effort that made her groan Elissa tried to wrench away, she could take no more. She fell to her knees panting with sacrifice burned into her brain. A void opened in her head, then shut. _'I hope you found your peace' _Elissa sent, knowing it was to late.

She came back to reality at Alistair's insistent shaking of her shoulder. "Riordan fell, is there any chance?"

She shook her head climbing to her feet. "No, he's gone. There's only you and me now."

He nodded tightly. "Just as when we started."

"It's always been about you and me!" she affirmed, starting to move towards the place where the Dragon had spiraled down.

Halfway through the Royal palace Elissa felt like she had waded through blood forever, human, eleven, dwarven, darkspawn, it was all mixed in the horrible canvas that was her body. When there was a sudden lull from the screams of the fighting and the dying she felt it as foreign. Alistair was as exhausted and spent as she was, but his determination knew no bounds. When the doors to the top floor burst open and they stood face to face with the Dragon they found the strength to smile at each other fiercely. This was it!

She slid out on the rooftop. There were Darkspawn coming from every corner, but also allies. Her heart bled as she saw a company of Dwarves take the first brunt of the attack. She noticed the Dalish quickly dart to find position and Mages, unlike the other, untrained for battle, trying desperately to organize themselves. This was so much larger than the Wardens, this was all races uniting against a common enemy. Riordan might have been right about the fact that a gray Warden had to do the actual slaying, but the fighting and dying to get there was not exclusive to any weird Order. Elissa charged after Alistair, what else she could offer.

She did not dare to use the berserker this time, she didn't fancy the idea it would send her charging an insignificant hurlock instead of the Dragon. After downing wave after wave of Darkspawn together with her companions Elissa took an arrow in her armpit and fell to her knees. She tugged at it, but no luck. She glanced at the Demon, the beast was unable to take to the air again, but was capable of flapping out of reach. She broke the arrow a hand span from her body and lurched to her feet. Spitting blood she leaned back against a wall. Her head was spinning, she saw Sten with his sword dealing death like in a trance. Leliana, her face serene like in prayer back to back with Zevran who protected both her and Morrigan as she was charging her fists, again and again, sweat streaming down her face. Oghren and Wynne grinning at each other before the dwarf changed the next target. Sten was out of sight. Finally her eyes settled on Alistair, whirling like in a trance, precise chops mixed with vicious blows from the shield, his face shuttered, eyes half closed.

She was the weak link, had been from the beginning, Elissa sank to her knees. More blood was crowding her mouth. _'Oh blight!'_ she spat just as something heavy and foul smelling struck the ground next to her. As she dazedly turned to look her jaw almost unhinged and she had to blink rapidly. It was the bleedin' head of the bloody Arch Demon that's what it was! It had at least ten of Leliana's arrows embedded inside and the deep gorges of Alistair's sword left blood pumping from it's long reptilian neck. Mortally wounded, yes, but not dead! she could see the great eyes rolling. Not dead -yet!

She scrambled for her axe and cursed when she realized the beast was lying on it. Desperately she scanned around and saw a sword sticking out of a corpse nearby, she snatched it up, it would have to do.

As if in a dream she heard Alistair's voice calling out through the sounds of battle, but too far away to stop her. The mists were clearing from her head. She raised her face and looked at the sky one last time.

_'Well, little miss fumbelfoot will be a great hero. Who would have thought that?' _Alistair! I love you, but this one's mine! She sent all that was left inside to him. Lifting the sword with both hands she thought of her family. _'Father, I know I've kept you waiting a bit, as always, but here I come, and for once I haven't let you down.'_ With a smile she drove the sword right down the center of the monstrous head, the skull gave surprisingly easy, her breath was jolted out of her, she opened her soul. All pain and fatigue left as she was encased in searing light.


End file.
